


It Takes a Village

by FixOrRideDaily



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Artificial Insemination, Attempt at Humor, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, Some things not tagged due to spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-04-05 03:06:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 47,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14034813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FixOrRideDaily/pseuds/FixOrRideDaily
Summary: Making the baby is supposed to be the fun part...





	1. Eney, Meeny, Miny, Moe

"You ever think about kids?”

They were both surprised by the question even though one of them was the one to ask it. Sam turned to look at Beth who was drinking water on the ledge of the cliff they’d just scaled as if trying to pretend she hadn’t said anything. They had taken the expert path up the mountain. The best benefit to Sam’s job was free access to the trails and equipment whenever she wanted to spend her days off on an adventure sans tourists. Beth was more than happy to come along for the fun and there was a discount afforded to her as well. Sam had a great gig. She also saw kids a lot. She was the most willing of the staff to take families out on trips. She loved to see parents bringing their kids along on hikes, climbs and boat trips. Even if it meant she had to avoid expert tracks, the smiles on their faces were well worth it. Her parents had done a lot of that with her and she was a happier person for it.

Beth’s job also put her in a place where saw children almost every day. Though normally under much worse conditions than her spouse. Her choice to become a child advocate attorney had everything to do with her relationship with her parents but she’d never say it out loud to anyone other than Sam. Her genuine protective nature from years of caring for Josh and Hannah helped her get kids to trust in her. She liked being able to give something to kids lacking in love. She understood them.

Unlike Sam though Beth hardly ever saw kids with parents (in a positive way anyway). That might be why the family of six making their way along the beginners’ path caught her eye. They were clearly having a blast even though the smallest of the group had burst out into tears and one of the two men had to carry her. She could tell the men were together from the looks they gave and while their kids were all mismatched in looks they were the sweetest group she’d seen all day.

“I think about it sometimes,” Sam answered sitting by her wife of almost five years then she laughed a little before admitting, “Okay no, I think about it a lot.”

“I don’t blame you,” Beth half-laughed too, “It looks nice.”

“It does,” Sam agreed as they watched the family stop on the side of the trail so every kid could be fed and hydrated. The oldest one looked bored while his other two non-crying siblings ran around. It was an adorable mess. They smiled widely looking from the family to one another. Their eyes settled on each other once the group was off again. Their eyes were tender and their faces were glowing.

Some decisions can be made without a word being said out loud. 

* * *

 "This is quite the process, huh?”

Sam looked up at Beth as she flipped the file in her hand around a few times. She looked them over before Sam did and put it in the consider or reject pile. They both assumed she was going to be much harder to please than Sam was. If she was being truthful though Sam had not been too crazy about the consider pile. The rejects weren’t out of course. Sam had her right to look at them but it was with the knowledge Beth was not a fan of those choices. Although Beth was not a fan of all that many men to begin with. As evidenced by the whole being a lesbian thing.

“Yeah, it is,” Sam answered not bothering to really look at the next prospect Beth had handed off to her. Something about all of this just didn’t feel right. Not the having a baby part. Something else.

“Are you sure you don’t want to consider adopting instead?” Beth asked as she added to the growing pile of rejects.

“I doubt it will be any less taxing than this is and I want…” she sighed, “You know how much I want to carry our baby, Beth.”

“I do,” she said rubbing Sam’s back a little. Sam turned her sad eyes on her wife then back to the table.

Sam leaned forward, her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands. She couldn’t quite place it but this didn’t feel as exciting as she hoped it would and felt it should. Beth was showing her enthusiasm the only way she knew how to, putting all her energy into finding the perfect specimen to make up the other half of their child. (Beth tried to avoid calling their donor their child’s father.) Sam smiled. It was probably because Beth saw herself taking on a version of the role and would not share it with anyone.

Sam let her arms fall to the table and lay her head on them. She just wanted an answer on what exactly was wrong. They wanted to have a baby. The two talked about it extensively when they returned from their hike. It was settled by that night. They had a whole day long discussion the next day about exactly what each of them pictured their family life to be like. They had quickly agreed they wanted to have two kids and that they wanted one biologically and the other through adoption. As they were not as a couple equipped with the necessary material to create a baby between them that meant they were going to need a donor. Sam had excitedly agreed to carry their child, thrilled by the idea in a way Beth would never be. Yet she was not comfortable with this. She was not even a little okay with any part of it and she could not for the life of her put her finger on why.

Beth reached out to Sam to grab her wrist. She turned to look at her wife and tried to force a smile onto her face in response to her frown. Beth reached her other hand out to stroke Sam’s face with the tips of her fingers. She gently tilted Sam’s head until their eyes locked.

“What’s wrong, love?” she asked in the sweetest voice she could muster. Beth was not a soft person.

“I’m just not sure about this, sweetheart,” Sam sighed, “Something feels off. You know?”

From the face she made Sam could tell she did not know so she was not feeling it. It was strange to not be in agreement especially about something they had agreed on that very morning. Beth looked a tiny bit disappointed before she too crossed her arms on the table and lay her chin on them to look her wife directly on her level.

“It’s okay if you’ve changed your mind,” she reassured, “I love you too much to force you into this. We can wait until you’re ready.”

Sam sighed, “No, that’s not it. I want to have a baby, I want to raise a child with you. I am ready for us to start a family together. And I want to feel it and have it growing inside me. It’s just-”

She didn’t know how to put it. She didn’t know what the words were to describe it. It was a feeling she couldn’t name. Trepidation might be the right word or possibly uncertainty but Sam knew it wasn’t either of those things. At least not to the degree she was feeling whatever it was she was feeling inside.

“You wanna try talking it out with me?” Beth suggested, “I know we aren’t the talk about every little thing kind of couple but this is important.”

Beth gave her a look she could not totally interpret but it was full of affection. Although Sam was not really that sure explaining this rock in her gut was possible.

“Just try.”

Sam sat up and back. She ran a hand through her hair before she shook her head, “I don’t really know. All these guys are great. Most of them with a completely clean bill of health. Heck if I remember there was a semi-professional athlete in there somewhere. And so many of them are just freaking gorgeous.”

Sam snagged the one she’d been looking at last to show off, “I mean look at this guy’s jawline and his lovely smile. I’ve never seen a guy so sweet looking. He could give Matt a run for his money.”

Beth nodded. Because he certainly could. Though his eyes were too intense for either of their tastes.

“But,” Sam continued tossing it back on the table, “They’re still all strangers. I’m going to be carrying a stranger’s… DNA inside of me. I don’t know how to deal with it being with some mystery man.”

Beth sighed as well leaning to rest her head in one hand and tapped her fingers with the other. She had no more clue how to ease her discomfort than Sam did. What was the middle ground here? She wanted to carry this baby inside of her. She wanted the whole motherhood experience. She also didn’t want to share something this important with any person she didn’t already have a connection with. Where did this leave them? What could they do here. The answer hit Sam like a sharp slap in the face. She felt weird about making a baby with some stranger.

So what if he wasn’t a stranger?

* * *

 "I fucking hate this drive!”

“Then why did you come?”

“Uh duh, Beth’s my sister.”

“Yeah okay. Admit you just want to know what’s going on.” Josh said nothing turning up the music and looking out the window instead. His feet were up on the dash and Mike had given up trying to knock them off and telling him to put them down. Sam and Beth lived outside of the city towards the desert. He had been there a few times but he was still confused why Beth and Sam would invite him out there. They got along really well but they weren’t close. Well no, he and Sam got along really well. He and Beth more tolerated each other. Mostly just for Josh’s sake. He couldn’t think of any reason they would invite him over. Just him. Josh had come along for the ride but only Mike had been invited.

Or he’d thought as much until he saw Chris sitting in his truck in the parking lot. Okay that was weird. Sam had been all hush hush on the phone as if it was a big secret but then she’d gone and also invited their friend (and Mike’s roommate). As usual Chris was on his phone. There was a big, goofy smile on his face. His eyes were glazed over and unfocused. Although it could just be something wrong with his contact lenses. However he glowed with giddiness.

He did not notice the other two even after Josh walked up to the window on the driver’s side and waved. He was totally unresponsive. Not bothering to try waving again Josh banged his fist against the window. Chris jumped, dropping his phone onto the floor as he searched around in a panic. His eyes dropped into an all too familiar annoyed look. Sometimes Mike had to wonder why Chris even associated with Josh, let alone claimed the guy as his best friend. Mike was at least getting laid out of the deal. He waved, lit up red as climbed down from his truck once he retrieved his phone.

“Hey, I wish I had known you two were coming. I wouldn’t have driven all the way out here myself,” he said closing his door. Despite his casual tone he looked embarrassed and worried as if he’d been caught sneaking in after his curfew. Josh laughed with a shrug.

“Nah, the road head would have just bothered you.” Mike raised an eyebrow at him, not that he really cared about Josh airing out their business. Chris phone buzzed with a nerdy tune Mike didn’t know, “I mean remember last time.”

“No. I must’ve blocked that from my memory.” He was still texting while he spoke to Josh, “Oh and hey, Mike.”

“Hey, Chris.” He had barely been looking at Mike a second before his eyes were back on his phone. The hell? Chris loved his phone way too much but this was overkill. Josh noticed it too as he leaned towards Mike to whisper not quietly enough.

“I’m afraid we might have a ‘Her’ situation on our hands.” They had started walking toward the door Chris coming up behind them when he saw they were heading that way. The house was not too impressive but it was enough. Comfortable with plenty of rooms in case they ever had the need for extra space. They should rent them out. Josh backed up to lean towards Chris, probably trying to catch a glimpse of what he was doing. Mike breathed out a laugh. He kind of hated how cute Josh was when he was being sneaky. Chris noticed and turned away covering his screen with his one hand.

“Mind your own shit, Josh.”

“Oh come on, Chris. I’ve known you for almost twenty years now. What could you possibly have to hide from me, your best friend?”

“Everything considering I’ve known you for almost twenty years.”

Josh rolled his eyes and pouted as Mike reached up to knock on the door.

“Mike, Chris,” Sam offered him a friendly a handshake after she opened the door for him. She let Chris give her a bear hug however and had on a wider smile than she did when greeting him. It was as if she was happier he’d shown up than she was Mike had. She ushered the two of them inside towards their living room and only then did she see a third guest. “Josh, I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Josh?!” Beth bit coming into view, directed at Sam and not him, “Isn’t it bad enough you invited-”

“I didn’t invite him. He probably just rode here with Mike,” Sam assured her as they all sat down.

“Romantic partners are a given when you invite someone over, little sis.” Josh had more so forced his way into the car against Mike’s will.

Beth rolled her eyes as she left the room in a bit of a huff. Sam looked as if she knew exactly why she had done so. Maybe she did. He wouldn’t know really. He and Josh weren’t the kind of couple Sam and Beth were. She followed after Beth calling back as she did, “We just need a little time alone, alright?”

The last thing said that was loud enough to hear was: “Beth, please we need to have open-minds.”

The three had been left to their own devices. Chris’ phone was silent for the time being but he held it in his hand, waiting for it to go off again. Josh met Mile’s eye and wiggled his eyebrows. Mike nodded. Oh yeah, Chris was definitely having an exchange with either a current romantic interest or a potential one. Josh winked at Mike with a sexy bite. Mike laughed. Amen to that, once out of high school dating had become a nightmare. He was as happy as Josh was to be done with that game (most of the time).

Josh leaned passed Mike to say something (probably inappropriate) to Chris but before he could there was a knocking at the door. Mike looked down the hall for either woman but neither appeared for some time. He turned back to Josh and saw he was heading towards the door. Mike gave a sigh and sagged back into the couch. He couldn’t take his boyfriend anywhere.

“Matt, my man,” Josh said as he let a guest into his sister’s house. Matt looked confused as to why Josh had answered the door as he headed in. Josh slung an arm far too tightly around their new arrival and walked him into the living room in a very aggressive way (if that was possible). “How the hell are ya?”

Matt had sat down in the easy chair and Josh pat him far too hard on the back before he took his seat next to Mike again. Mike laughed a little. Hannah was cute and all but Mike had really dodged a bullet by never going out with her. Josh was the most stereotypical older brother ever. With the way his mind worked no one was sure how serious he was about his death threats towards Matt (and for awhile Sam). Though Mike knew he’d bought tarps he’d asked Chris to store in the back of his truck “just in case.”

“Doing alright,” Matt answered seeming more put off by Josh’s act than nervous. Maybe he was just used to it. That was not to say he looked comfortable. Not even a little. Josh was leaning towards him and Mike reached out almost on instinct to grab him by the shoulder to pull back into his arm. Josh went with no fight turning to Mike to lay a big sloppy kiss on his jaw. Matt looked grateful. Michael Munroe might be the only person alive able to tame Josh Washington.

Before anyone could say anything more Sam made her way back over carrying water bottles for them. Beth followed looking maybe more not less upset. She relaxed quite a bit when she saw Matt had joined them. Beth plopped down as gently as Mike assumed she could. Sam did much like Mike and pulled Beth into a one-armed hug as she joined her on their love-seat.

Despite her new found joy she still looked anxious. This was very bad. Beth was never this on edge. Especially in her own home. Mike wondered if she was going to start shaking right before she took a very loud swallow of water followed by a very deep breath, “So what’s new? How are you? Matt?”

Beth couldn’t force herself to sound even a little natural.

“Fine,” Matt said a little caught off guard. That made sense. Beth had seen all of them last weekend at the Washington family barbecue (Chris was basically family so he’d been invited). Nothing too drastic could have happened since then. At least nothing Beth wouldn't have heard from one of her siblings.

“So work is good?” Sam attempted. Chris simply nodded toward her as his phone pinged again. A blissful look came back onto his face. His texting buddy must be something else to cause this much of a reaction from him.

Then there was silence. Maybe it finally occurred to them that there was nothing to really talk about. Mike could feel he, Matt and Josh were at a loss what to say to either woman and they were nodding nervously back at the guys. Chris was paying attention to nothing but his phone so he didn’t notice. For a time the only noise was tense breathing and Chris texting. Finally Josh coughed. “So did you just invite us over for a thrilling round of the quiet game?”

Beth glared and Mike got the feeling she was about to remind him he hadn’t been invited at all but Sam took her hand. She looked back at her wife and they both nodded as Beth sighed heavily, “Well since you are all here there is no reason to draw this out anymore.”

Beth looked at each one of them and then her brow tensed. She cleared her throat loudly then waited as the air grew more tense. She did it again leaning further towards the couch. Mike glanced over as Beth was almost next to him when she did it a third time. Chris finally looked up realizing Beth was in his face. He turned red and tucked his phone into his pocket. As Beth sat back it buzzed loudly once more and she glared at him again. Josh laughed into Mike’s shoulder. Matt looked like he would’ve rather been anywhere but there.

Beth took a long drink from her water bottle as if calming herself down. She took a few more breaths and stumbled to continue speaking as Sam bounced nervously next to her. They both laughed a nervous couple of laughs. Beth stretched out a few ‘um’s’ here and there. She opened then closed her mouth for a bit and-

Sam beat her to it. “Beth and I have decided we’re ready to have a baby!”

“That’s great! I’m so happy for you, sis.” Josh was the first to respond. He sounded genuine as he jumped up to hug her tightly and Sam right after. Beth smiled even when her brother turned back to the guys to say, “Guys, I’m gonna be an uncle! How cool is that?! Uncle Josh!”

“Way to steal the spotlight, you asshole,” Mike said with affection in his voice then he turned to Sam with a smile, “This is really great though. You two are going to be the best moms.”

Matt must’ve decided it was time to join in, “Definitely! Man, I can’t believe Hannah didn’t tell me!”

Beth and Sam looked away from him at each other before Sam informed them, “We actually haven’t told Hannah yet. We haven’t told anybody. Except for you guys.”

Mike was taken aback by that. He met anxious eyes with Josh. He looked at the other guys. Matt’s face was scrunched in confusion. Chris had not said anything in response to the news. Not to the couple and not to anyone else either. His eyes bounced around to all the faces there suspiciously. He was thinking. Probably the same thing as Mike was.

Why tell the four of them first?

Sure, Josh was Beth’s older brother but he wasn’t meant to be here. Neither he nor Matt was close to either woman and while Chris was close to both, he certainly wasn’t closer to them than Hannah was. From the look on his face Josh was equally as throw off by this news. Matt still looked about as lost as Mike felt. Chris on the other hand, his eyes looked ready to roll out of his head they were so wide. He looked quickly around the room in shock as if doubling checking he had counted correctly, only to discover in horror that he had.

“Did-,” Chris finally stuttered out, “Did you invite us all over to ask one of us to father your child?”

Mike along with Josh and Matt leaned away but Mike could feel the air growing tense. That was crazy talk. Chris was heading to the wrong place. He must have been. But then Mike looked around the room and noticed the thing all their invitees had in common was fully functioning pieces of anatomy both Sam and Beth lacked. Chris’ phone buzzed again and seemed to bring everyone back to earth.

“Holy fucking flying monkeys!”

“Okay,” Beth tried to say as Mike stood ready to storm out. This had to be some very fucked up dream. Everything about it was too surreal. This was not reality. He’d caught the crazies from Josh. He could not believe none of the other guys had followed his lead. They needed to get out of here and away from this madness.

“Please Mike, everyone,” Beth spoke again also standing, “Let us explain.”

“Explain what?” he yelled, “You’re asking us for our baby-matting batter.”

Everyone flinched at his choice of words but it was true. Beth and Sam called him up and asked him to drive all the way out here to blatantly ask him for a cup of his little guys. They were the sick ones here, not him. He wasn’t asking all of the men in this room to give him full access to their family’s genetic pool.

“We should let them say what they have to say. You know how Chris gets.” That was Matt.

“What does that mean?”

Matt ignored Chris in favor of motioning to the couch Mike had been sitting on. With a heavy sigh Mike sat back down. He could not believe Matt thought he was the one being irrational here. Chris’ face had not changed since he had accused the married couple. Josh was leaning up against the love-seat and looked like he might burst out in laughter soon. God, his ass was as annoying as it was fine.

“Thank you,” Sam breathed as Beth sat next to her again. They grabbed hands, sighing. Those two were too in-sync, “Chris is right. We did invite you here to ask if one of you would be willing to be our sperm donor.”

“Ha!” Chris pointed right at Matt when he said it. Then he shook his head. It looked like after he claimed his victory, he had finally processed what it meant, “Wait, but I don’t understand. There’s whole agencies for these kinds of things, isn’t there? Sperm backs and stuff. Why would you even need to ask us?”

“Technically we haven’t asked you anything.” Sam gently swat Beth’s arm after she said it. She looked at each one of them as if preparing herself. She seemed to steal her nerves.

“It’s scary to trust a business to help with this. The idea of carrying a stranger’s baby feels so invasive. I’m not comfortable with it. It feels too cold. I do want to be a mom. I want to bring a baby into this world. But I also want to do this with somebody that I trust.”

Mike had to admit it didn’t seem as sick and creepy when Sam put it that way. It was actually kind of flattering to know Sam trusted him enough to want to carry his child. (But then who wouldn’t want to carry Mike’s child? He was him). From the way their faces softened he knew the other guys felt the same as he did.

“Sam,” Matt spoke up first, “It feels really great to know I make you feel comfortable about something you’re struggling with. But you know this isn’t something I can do. I mean I’m totally fine with it but- you get where I’m going with this, right?”

Beth huffed. Sam nodded though, “We understand that, Matt. We figured the Hannah thing might get in the way. Especially with the wedding. We just thought we would ask.”

Matt smiled in gratitude. He was out. Mike looked at Chris who seemed to be debating inside his head, weighing options, eyes turned toward the ceiling. Mike could not be the last one to say ‘no.’ He wasn’t going to be the one who let them down. He wasn’t shouldering this. Plus the last thing he needed was any permanent connection with the Washingtons. Not with how hot and cold Josh could be.

“This isn’t really something I can do either,” Mike said quickly, “If I have kids I want them to be mine. I mean my partner’s and mine. I can’t have a baby with Sam before I have any of my own. Even if it’s not really my kid.”

Sam nodded again but she and Beth looked more defeated with every refusal. They looked ready to start begging when their eyes fell to Chris. He looked down coming out of his own world and after a short assessment of the room understood the others had refused already. He sighed heavily.

“I’m so sorry.” He looked like he meant it. “But I’m not in the place to handle that kind of pressure. I’d feel responsible even if you said I didn’t have to and I don’t want to disappoint you two if it doesn’t take.”

There it was. They sagged and looked at each other. Sam looked like she might start crying. She leaned into Beth’s shoulder as she held her up and responded with, “We get it. Thanks for being nice about it, guys. We knew it was a long shot anyway.”

Yet they were still clearly disappointed. Even if that hope had been slim, it was still there. It was probably better to leave them alone. The others seemed to agree as they stood up with him… all except for Josh. He looked at each other man in turn before he settled his eyes on his sister and sister-in-law. He gave them a causal shrug as he said, “I’ll do it.”

The intensity in the room doubled at least. Mike felt some part of him flare up with rage at Josh’s offer. Did he really just say that? Without talking to Mike first? This was the kind of shit that he hated about him. Chris and Matt exchanged looks as if they couldn’t decide whether to settle on shock or disgust at the suggestion.

“Ah no Josh,” Beth said as if that shouldn’t even be considered, “You’re my brother. That’s weirder than Matt doing it. And even if we were willing to take you up on it you’d be the last person on the list.”

“Well,” Mike snapped not at her but her brother, “Since your first choice and both of your back-ups dropped out maybe you should consider it since Josh apparently just does whatever the hell he wants to. But no fucking surprise there, right!”

Josh did not get the chance to respond. Mike had indicated himself and the other guys in the obvious order when he said it and Chris seemed to take issue with that.

“Why are you so sure you were their first choice?” It held an air of challenge behind it.

“Well, I mean, come on man,” Mike simply indicated himself again. What was there really to explain?

“We were all invited, Mike.”

“They needed back-ups.”

“You could just as easily be one of their back-ups as either of us could.” He waved his hand over to Matt and then at himself. “You can’t guarantee you were first on the list.”

“Oh and if not me who then?” Was his friend actually trying to argue that he might have somehow been their first pick? Maybe Matt but Chris? Never. “You?”

“If they wanted to make sure their kid wasn’t an arrogant asshole? Then maybe!”

“Guys, I really don’t think there is a need for this,” Sam said calmly.

“Yeah, I mean I already offered.”

“Josh, there is no way I’m letting Sam carry your baby!”

“You’re calling me arrogant? You jerk your own ego off so much it’s probably raw! Case in point.” Mike jabbed his finger at the ground to indicate right then.

“Well at least I’m proud of actual accomplishments and not how many people wanna fuck me!”

“That’s because if you based it on that you’d have no self-esteem at all.” Mike and Chris’ faces were close enough to hit each other if they spat which Mike was currently considering, “Besides genetics are the only thing that really matter since it’s not like you’ll be raising it. Hence the best choice being me.”

“You think you have better genetics than I do?!” Matt said that, not Chris. Apparently he was tired of being a spectator here and was demanding Mike’s attention, “I’m in way better shape than you are!”

Chris laughed behind him. They both turned his way.

“And you! You’re allergic to milk and shellfish! Who would want to risk their baby’s life like that?”

“Okay, first off my allergies are not deadly, I get an uncomfortable inch at worst. Second are you trying to pass yourself off as some perfect candidate here?”

“At least better than either of you!”

“Oh yeah?” Mike had pushed Chris back to get into Matt’s face instead. “Where did you place in your graduating class? I was in the top ten!”

“And which one of got a free ride to college on a football scholarship?”

Chris scoffed, “And by top ten he means ninth. Mike apparently also forgot I was our class salutatorian.”

“Yeah but I’m not twenty pounds overweight!” Mike poked Chris in the stomach who smacked away his hand.

“Remind me how old your dad was when he had his heart attack, forty-six, right? Looks like you don’t match up to Matt physically or me intellectually, Mikey.”

“Hey! Stop insulting my boyfriend! He’s the best happy medium between a pussy and a meathead! The only better choice here is me!”

“You tell ‘em!" Then Mike remembered he was mad at Josh. “Wait no, you fuck off!”

“Enough! All of you shut the hell up!” Beth yelled standing up. They all seemed to make some motion as if to speak, “Sit! Now!”

Every one of them scrambled to their previous sitting place. Though Mike didn’t do it because he was scared of Beth. He just thought it would look dumb to stay standing if the rest of them sat. Nope, he was not afraid of Beth at all. Sam smiled apologetically. Her face was red. Beth’s was too but she was grinding her teeth so that was probably from anger not embarrassment. She crossed her arms, glaring.

“It’s bad enough you idiots refused us but now you’re gonna try to sell us on which of you would have been the best choice. Way to pour salt in the wound, you insensitive jerks!”

Each of them shrunk down to the size of rats. Tiny, dirty, selfish rats. If they were going to fight about this they should have at least had the decency to not do it there in front of the couple already crushed about their circumstances. Mike was about to offer up an apology when Chris spoke first.

“I’m sorry, Beth. You’re right. That was incredibly rude. We didn’t even realize what we were doing. That was wrong. I’m sorry.” Mike nodded along and saw Josh and Matt did too. “But thinking on it a little more…”

All eyes snapped to him. Mike caught on to what he was doing immediately. If he was the only one to offer he automatically won. He was trying to secure a victory through a technicality. Chris was apparently as smart as he claimed to be. Mike was not going down like a bitch!

“You know what, I think I’m going to actually consider doing this for you.” Mike cut him off. Chris shot him a dirty look. Checkmate, Mr. salutatorian.

Sam looked hopeful. “Really, Mike?”

“Actually, I was also going to offer, myself.” Chris spoke before he could answer this time. “I mean offer to do it myself. Though I guess I am offering you myself in a way. Point is I’m willing to do it.”

Mike was a bit insulted Sam looked elated once Chris agreed too. But then she had more options now. Even if they were still going to pick him. Options were nice to have. Beth’s face did not change. She had not stopped glaring. Though she had sat back down and seemed about to add her two cents when Matt chimed up.

“I guess there’s no reason for me to toss my hat in the ring then. Bummer cause when I saw the other guys turn you down I thought about offering and you know I’d love to help you out.”

“Are you sure, Matt?” Sam asked as Beth's face softened, “What about Hannah?”

“I can talk to Hannah. I'm sure she'll understand once I explain it to her. I’ve gotten good at talking out stuff with her.” That wasn't wrong. If anyone could convince Hannah of something then it was Matt. She listened to him more than she did Beth, Sam or Josh even. “Besides she loves you guys. She'll want to help.”

Sam hugged Beth saying, “In that case we’ll gladly consider you too.”

Nice emotional manipulation there, buddy.

Sam was over the moon. She had gone from maybe one awkward choice to one perfect choice and two back-ups. She had her pick between all of them. So even though Mike knew they were going ask him he understood her excitement. She really wanted to be a mom.

“Calm down,” Beth said with an eye-roll. “None of them are actually offering.”

“I am.” She ignored Josh.

“They just want us to pick one of them so they can prove they’re the best specimen or some shit. This is just an alpha male competition to them. As soon as we pick one they are all going to back out.”

Each of them rushed in to talk at once. “That’s not-” “How dare-” “What kind of-” “I offered before-”

Sam interrupted with a smile, “See, Beth? They’re our friends. We shouldn’t distrust them.”

Beth did not look convinced. She stood up, looked over all of the guys (except for Josh) then she smirked. Mike had seen that look on Josh’s face many times (though when he did it things usually got kinky). He didn’t dare trust it and from the way Chris tensed he didn’t either. She surveyed the whole room another time before heading out saying, “Okay then.”

Everyone sat in silence as she went to complete whatever task she set out to do. They all turned to Sam when she was gone. Chris was playing drums on his legs. Matt began to twirl his thumbs and Josh rocked back and forth. Mike noticed his feet were tapping. He forced them to stop. They all wiggled nervously until one of them couldn’t take it anymore. By one of them that meant Josh.

“Okay but you’re going to convince her to let me do it right, Sammy? I’m her older brother. My genes are her genes and I offered before these bozos started their testosterone fuelled spitting contest so you know I mean it.”

“Sounds like everyone means it, Josh,” Matt said with more venom then was necessary. Mike couldn’t blame him. They didn’t have the best relationship. Mike might have defended him if he hadn’t been the one to start this whole mess. Josh stirred trouble everywhere he went. What a fucking train wreck!

“Sorry Josh but even if I wanted to I can’t decide this without Beth.” Josh rolled his eyes, annoyed.

Chris cleared his throat, “Well the fact remains if we are all willing to do it.” He looked around at the others as if implying they should take back their offers. “You are going to have to pick one of us.”

“Why? I’m the right choice here. That way the baby would also be related to Beth. Problem solved.”

“Yeah, cause that’s not weird!” Mike said with a scoff, “You’re her brother, moron.”

“And her brother’s boyfriend is less weird.” Matt attempted (or maybe he didn’t) to mumble.

“Well, no more weird than her sister’s fiancé.”

Chris looked over them again hands out as if trying to shush them, “Okay, clearly everyone here is an uncomfortable choice due to some relationship or another.” Then he perked up looking directly at Sam when he did, “Oh well, I suppose one person isn’t.”

“Excuse you?!” Mike snapped back.

“It’s the truth. Not only am I not related to Sam or Beth and not dating any of their relatives, I’m not dating anyone. There are no extra variables to take into account with me.” His phone went off right after that. He blushed then coughed, waiting a moment before he grabbed it to check his message. He tried to keep a lovestruck smile off his face.

“Hey Chris, who have been texting all afternoon?” Matt smirked in a way Mike had never seen.

“My… mom.”

Josh snorted a laugh, “Seriously? That’s what you’re going with? That’s way more embarrassing than the fact that you’ve been texting like you’re a thirteen year old with a crush.”

“Fine but unlike an engaged couple or a couple that’s been ‘together’ for five years, this,” he waved his phone at Josh, “Isn’t serious. This is barely a thing.”

“I don’t know about that Chris, with your guys’ history, I’d consider you dating Ashley pretty serious,” Sam added.

“What? Pssh,” Chris tried to laugh her off like that was ridiculous, “Who said I’ve been seeing Ashley?”

“Ashley.”

“Oh.”

“Whoa, whoa. Wait. Really?” Josh had jumped to his feet. Chris smiled back at him with a little bit of a shy grin and nodded. Josh whooped as much as he could given the tense environment. “That’s my boy! May have taken you ten years to close that deal but you finally did it! We’re getting a beer.”

Chris and Ashley? Were a thing? By that point most of them figured that was just never going to happen. Did Jess still have the pot? Who had guessed the closest?

Chris was at a loss for words for quite a bit of time looking giddy again before he snapped out of it and attempting to sound casual about it said, “Either way I’m still the only one not related to Beth or seeing someone related to Beth.”

“No, you aren’t.” Beth reentered the room with a spiral notebook. “Which is a point in your favor.”

“What?” Matt asked as Beth dropped the notebook on the table. It was opened to a page with a huge paragraph, written in her handwriting in the tiniest print Mike had ever seen. It looked like a short essay. She dropped her pen on top of it.

“If you are all so interested then you won’t mind signing this,” she said presenting it with her hand.

“Beth,” Sam warned but then asked for everyone, “What is that?”

Beth turned to the guys as she informed them, “It’s a contract and as I’m a lawyer and an authorized notary it is legally binding. So if you’re really serious then go on boys offer up your John Hancock.” She pointed hard to the space she had left at the bottom of the page. All three of them glanced down at their laps for a half second and then at each other.

Chris was the one who asked the obvious question, “Wait, why do we all have to sign it? Shouldn’t the guy you want be the only one who has to sign?”

Beth flipped the book all the way open to reveal Mike’s name on the next page then turned the page to show Chris and Matt’s names on the next set. Chris already had one thing written down on his page (probably something like “no biologic or romantic connections to Beth or her family”) as Beth had said. “We haven’t picked yet. Since you are all offering we need time to think about this and so we are going to do just that. You guys are each getting your own list of pros and cons. Then we’ll let you know once we’ve made a choice who we want to help us out. Once we pick you though you can’t back out. If we want your genes you give them up.”

She was testing them. Mike wasn’t sure she would go through with any of this. She was seeing if they would commit to it. Then if they did she was assuring they could not go back on their word. As she had said, if Beth and Sam wanted his baby juice he would be legally required to give it to them. There wasn’t a way around that. He was signing his boys away. He didn’t have to worry though. Nobody there was going to sign. No one was going to take this charade that far.

To Mike’s surprise though Matt grabbed the pen off the table and put his name down first. Beth’s eyes went wide. She clearly hadn’t really expected anyone to do it. Then Chris practically snatched the pen from Matt as soon as he had finished and didn’t even hesitate to add his name to the list. Sam clapped her hands with joy.

Mike had no choice. He had to take this challenge. So with reluctance he took the pen from Chris and then scribbled his name in the remaining space. Each guy turned their glares onto the others. Beth looked at Sam bewildered before a wide smile broke out on both of their faces. She had expected no signatures and she had gotten three. They had a real choice.


	2. A-Tisket, A-Tasket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is why I don't finish stories then post them. Chapters end up coming out like 3 or 4 days apart... 
> 
> I think this chapter is made better if you read this first: https://victorian-dad.tumblr.com/post/164694515704/stood-up
> 
> Enjoy

“Daddy, you promised!” Hannah was tired of her father trying to force her to change her wedding plans so he could save money. He had spent almost nothing on the ceremony held for Beth and Sam (well in wedding terms he had spent almost nothing) and Sam’s parents had paid for a significant portion of it too.

“I know, I know, butterfly, but do you really _need_ to get married at the Lobo Castle?”

“I already gave them the down payment. They aren’t going to give it back without a hassle,” she reminded and stomped her foot. “Do you understand how in demand this spot is?! Do you know what it took me to get it? Why do you think I had to book it a year and a half in advance?!”

He sighed leaning back in his office chair. “It’s just a lot…”

“I’m in budget!”

“Not for your fund.” Ugh why did he keep doing that? She would have planned on a smaller wedding had she known her father was going to keep going back on his word.

When Hannah told Beth and Sam she’d gotten engaged her sister offered her, with absolutely no prompting, the rest of her wedding fund. ‘I know you’ve always wanted to have a big, fairytale wedding, Han and I want you to have that too. Besides, it’s not like I gonna need it.’ Hannah had an amazing twin sister.

And an awful cheapskate of a father! If he didn’t want to spend the rest of Beth’s fund on her wedding in addition to her own fund he shouldn’t have agreed when the girls went to their parents and asked. Apparently he hadn’t thought Hannah would actually use it and just wanted to play loving dad for an afternoon.

“Hannah, the wedding is over a year away,” he said in the same voice he always said that in, “There’s still time to change things.”

“Not the venue!” she yelled. “Me and Emily have already started planning the rest of the décor around the location. The flowers, and the silverware, and the lights. I need the space too. We have to be able to put up the flower arches and they have to be wide enough for everyone to walk through. The band needs to be able to setup before the reception,” There was no way Hannah was settling for a DJ. She shuddered at just the thought. “I'm not even totally sure how I'm setting up the candelabras or paper lanterns yet. Or the ice sculptures for that matter. They need to be placed in a specific kind of an environment to keep their temperature or they might melt.”

Her father opened his mouth to speak but Hannah continued.

“Then the tables need to be big enough for the signs and the centerpieces while still leaving space to eat dinner. But if they're too big there won't be any room left to have a ballroom dance floor. We need a lot of tables. Our family and Matt’s family, our friends, his teammates, my co-workers. Not to mention the three hundred extra people you and mom are inviting for networking or social etiquette or whatever. That's not even counting the table for my bridal party and all of their dates. Plus the special raised table for me and Matt at the front of the with our matching throne.”

Once more her father made a motion as if was going to say something and once more Hannah interrupted him, “Plus I still have so much to do. I have to order the horse and carriage. I have to get my gown fitted and take the girls to get bridesmaids dresses. Matt and the groomsmen have to get their tuxes tailored. We have to get our rings sized. I’ve barely even thought about the menu. And the cake! We need to order our cake as well as enough of the extra smaller ones for everyone else!”

She released a frustrated whine again cutting her father off, “Don't you understand how hard you are making this?!”

Before her father could say anything else Hannah got a text. She breathed a deep sigh of relief the second she saw his name. Matt was exactly what she needed at the moment. They had plans to go house hunting later on that day (another thing her dad never took into account during these conversations). Her hunk of a fiancé had made it onto the practice squad of the NFL with  just the tiniest bit of help from the Washington’s connections but mostly on his own talent. Hannah was, thanks to similar connections, starting her acting career like her mother before her. This meant since their salaries were not required for their wedding (supposedly) they were buying a house as well.

“Speaking of all this I have to go meet my adoring fiancé,” she told her father already heading out of the room, “He’s taking me out to lunch before we go to look at houses.”

Her father fell back in defeat. Good. She had fought hard for this spot and she was not giving it up. Hannah was a goddamn Princess and she was getting married in a goddamn castle!

She tried to stop herself from thinking part of her dad’s reluctance to pay was because her parents weren’t too crazy about whom Hannah was marrying. Whether their parents would admit it or not Hannah knew the only thing they really liked about Matt was the fact that he was a man and she was a woman. Marrying Matt was their guarantee one of their kids was straight.

They didn’t think she’d heard them after her engagement party but she had. ‘Bob, that boy has no brains of his own.’ ‘I know but we can’t risk her turning out gay like the other two. Besides he can throw a ball alright, that’s something he has going for him.’ ‘Then we need to at the least find him a good manager and make sure he doesn’t screw up his, and by extension our daughter’s, future.’ ‘I’m already on it, honey. I introduced him to a couple of guys earlier tonight.’ ‘Well at least we can invite people to this one. I had no idea what to say when Elizabeth got married. And Joshua! Flaunting his boy toy around our friends tonight.’ ‘See? That’s not the kind of life I want for Hannah!’ ‘I know. Me either.’

When did life get so complicated? At least she had Matt. Things were always simple with Matt.

“Hello there, miss,” he said when she opened the door, “I was just going door to door to find the most beautiful woman in all of Hollywood to take with me to lunch. And lucky me it looks like I finally found her.”

“Well then it seems only fair to allow the most handsome man in Hollywood to take the most beautiful woman out on the town.”

Matt stepped away from the door to let her out and once he did he held his arm to her which she took appreciatively right away. Matt was nothing less than a perfect gentleman. He also had strong arms. She could barely wrap her hand around his bicep. She had not been kidding when she said he was the most handsome man in all of history. In Hannah’s eyes there was no man more gorgeous inside or out than Matthew Taylor. Hmm. Mrs. Mathew Taylor. Hannah Taylor. She liked how it sounded so much.

He opened her door for her and held her hand as she got in. He used to have a junker car but he was making a lot more money and he’d traded it in for a sports car. He did it partially because he knew her parents were not overly impressed with him. He tried so hard to find a way into their good graces. Her parent’s standards were too ridiculous though. How else could they not see what wonderful people their kids had ended up with? So what if it was Sam with Beth and Mike with Josh and not the other way around? She couldn’t think of two better people in the world for her siblings.

Well she could think of one better person but he was all hers.

“And where are you taking me this lovely afternoon?” she asked after he reached over to hold her hand as he drove.

“Eh, I’m in the mood for something light,” he said with a bit of a shrug, “Thought we might go to the sushi place you like so much.”

“Good idea,” she said with a nod, “I mean we don’t want to be weighed down and bloated while we’re looking at houses later.”

Matt chuckled nervously, “Yeah about that. I’m not sure I’m up to it today, doll face.”

Her favorite pet name. She was so swoony over those black and white love stories that he had said he was only going to call her nicknames from old Hollywood movies. Matt knew she liked that one best. He pulled it out only when he was feeling particularly romantic or whenever he had bad news. Considering he had just canceled their house hunting excursion she had a feeling she knew which of those situations was coming up.

“Oh,” she said in her best pouty voice, “Why not?”

He sighed. He hated disappointing her. But then why would he think it was okay to cancel something like this? Hannah did not exactly have a lot of free time between work and wedding planning. She was not about to look at houses without her future husband. Truthfully she knew whatever she liked Matt would like too. They were definitely going to be relying more on her desires than his. She didn’t want him to have no input though. She wanted him to be excited and interested in them buying a home together.

“Look,” he sighed again, “I’ll tell you over lunch.”

Hannah was not a patient woman, “What’s up with you? This isn’t like you. You never keep secrets from me.”

“I know.”

“Communication is key to having a healthy relationship.” She’d read it in almost every magazine she’d subscribed to since she was fifteen so it must have been true.

Matt sighed and tightened his hold on her hand. He pulled it to his mouth so he could kiss the back side. Oh him with his gentleman spiel. She just loved it. “You’re right, darling. Like always.”

“So…”

“I was at Sam and Beth’s this morning.”

“Oh.” That was weird. She couldn't think of a time Matt was ever at her sisters’ place without her there too. She didn’t want to get her hopes up but she wondered if maybe they’d been planning a surprise for her. If that was the case though Matt probably would not have told her about it.

“Yeah.” He smiled her way and looked like he had good news for the first time since he’d picked her up. “They want to have a baby.”

“Oh my god!” She really did try not to shriek but Matt’s face told her she had failed. “A baby! Sammy and Beth are having a baby! This is amazing!”

“It is pretty great. They’re gonna be good moms.”

“I know, aren’t they?” Hannah could barely contain her elation. “And we’re gonna have a cute little niece or nephew, Matty! Oh, oh, I have to see if Emily is willing to plan the baby shower with me! I hope we’ll have time with all the wedding stuff going on. Ooh, ooh and honey, the baby is going to be at the wedding. We can even get her a little baby dress to match the bridesmaids’ dresses. Or you know if it’s a boy a little baby suit to match your the guys’ tuxes. Oh and Ashley’s too of course.”

Ugh that did not come out nice. Ashley wasn’t even wearing a tux to the wedding so much as a weird tux/dress combo thing she had already bought. Hannah hated to say it but the biggest sacrifice she’d probably made so far was letting Matt have Ashley as his best man. He had no legitimately close guy friends though, even among his new teammates. Ashley as his childhood best friend was basically the closest Matt was going to get to a having a close guy friend. (Although he’d probably be mad to know Hannah thought of it that way.) He had asked Hannah first if she minded him asking Ashley and she agreed he could. It was his wedding too after all.

“As great as that would be.” Matt’s voice was full of affection. “Sam might still be pregnant when we get married, sweetheart. Depending on when they decide to actually do it.”

“Oh so Sam’s gonna carry it. No surprise. Beth’s always said the zero risk of pregnancy was in the top five reasons it’s awesome to be gay. Aww and Sammy is going to look so adorable with her little baby bump.” Hannah heard herself coo.

Matt smiled with a nod. However once the joy faded a little the offense started to settle in when she realized Matt knew before she did. HER! Beth’s twin sister and Sam’s best friend. The baby’s future favorite aunt. Wife of their baby’s future favorite uncle (Yeah there was Josh and maybe Mike but the baby would like Matt best). How could they not tell her first?

“I can’t believe they told you before they told me! I mean no offense, hun but I’m much closer to both of them than you are.”

“Yeah, well they had a reason for telling me first. A pretty good one too.”

“What?” She continued to try and think of an answer but there was none. What logical reason could there be to tell Matt before her?

He released her hand in order to pull the car over on the side of the road. He parked the car and gripped the steering wheel hard. He looked like he was shoring up his nerves. He had that smile she loved on. Hannah was very worried by then. Matt was pulling out all the stops for her. But combined with his off demeanor she knew it was because he had bad news, not because he was trying to be romantic.

“So look, suger,” he said calmly and slowly, “Sam really, really wants to carry their baby. A lot.”

“Yeah?”

“But she feels, I guess, she feels weird about having some stranger’s baby inside of her. She wants to do it with someone that she knows. With someone she trusts. Someone she feels comfortable with.”

She said nothing. This had better not be going where she feared it was.

“So they invited me over to ask if I would be willing to be their donor.”

Hannah was appalled, “Wha- Uh! The nerve of them. That’s so rude! I mean what would make them think that was an okay thing to ask you? I can’t believe them! I’m going to have some words for them when I get home later. Ugh I feel like a need a drink right now. Beth can be so selfish sometimes! So of course she wouldn't see what’s wrong with it. She and Josh have no respect for boundaries!”

Then she reached over to rub Matt’s shoulder, “I’m so sorry they put you in that kind of position, it must’ve been really hard to tell them ‘no.’”

Matt smiled at her nervously, “About that…”

“Oh my god!” She didn’t even try not to shriek that time. She sputtered a little then made an array of noises that didn’t resemble words. She thought about it for a moment then did the only thing she could think of. She got out of the car and started walking home.

“Hannah!” She heard Matt call then heard the sound of his car staring up and turning to follow her. Not long after he was driving slowly after her. She faced forward and kept walking. She was going to go give her “sisters” a piece of her mind! As soon as she got home she was getting into her car, driving to Sam and Beth’s place and tearing them to shreds!

“Hannah, what are you doing? Get back in the car!”

She was not letting her traitor of a fiancé drive her anywhere.

“Where are you even going?”

Hannah just kept walking.

“Let’s talk about this.”

She did not want to talk about it.

“Hannah, please don’t do this!”

She was going to kill them both.

“Please get in the car!”

He was persistent that was for sure.

“Hannah!”

They were halfway back to her place when Hannah stopped and yelled, “FINE!”

She stomped to his car, climbed into the passenger seat and slammed the door shut. Mostly because he’d followed after her in his car all that way. She got the point he was going to keep following her until they got back then probably wait outside the door for her to forgive him.

“Are you okay?” Matt asked as he started driving at the speed limit again. Hannah shot him a death glare.

“Right, that was stupid to ask.”

“Why would you do that?” she demanded arms crossed. He gave her a sheepish, apologetic look.

“They didn’t just ask me, baby,” he confessed. “They asked all the other guys too.”

“So why can’t they do it?” she sat rigid and angry in her seat. He sighed.

“They said ‘no’ and I felt bad,” he looked away when he said it, “You all are so close, I just thought it was the right thing to do.”

“Okay. I understand, dear.” She relaxed a little. As angry as Hannah was she could forgiving him. She should have guessed Matt would agree to help. Matt was the best man of them all. He was a knight in shining armor. He was a true gentleman. Matt lived to please and make others’ happy. Of course her angel would step forward when asked for a great favor. Sam and Beth had taken advantage of that nature. Of his golden, bleeding heart. And Hannah would not let that stand!

* * *

The easiest way to say it was that their first kiss had lacked the fanfare they had both expected. Though the spark he’d always suspected was between them had been there. The intensity of which only heightened with each kiss they shared after. They figured they just had to keep practicing. And so they practiced. With abandon.

“I thought we were going to a movie,” Ashley said between heavy breathing when they separated. Though she didn’t sound too disappointed (if at all) that they had yet to leave Chris’ apartment. Without actually answering, Chris recaptured her lips pinning her against the couch arm. She moaned in agitation only for it to quickly transform into a moan of arousal. One of her hands bunched up the front of his shirt and other was on the side of his face. She played with his earlobe using her thumb and pointer finger. It was hard to believe she was really in that much of a rush to get to the movie theater.

“Chris,” she whined in what he thought was probably meant to be annoyance but it didn’t come out that way. She pushed him back. He felt himself smiling down at her wickedly. He hoped he looked sexy and not ridiculous. Lucky for him it certainly looked like if she hadn’t been turned on before then she was now.

However she shifted her lust-filled eyes away trying to look exasperated. He laughed glancing at the wall clock, “Okay, okay, fine. But it started about fifteen minutes ago so we’re going to have to find a later showing.”

Ashley attempted another annoyed sigh, also looking at the clock, “Well we wouldn’t have missed it if you were ready when I got here.”

“Hey,” Chris said mocking being offended, “Don’t go putting all the blame on me. You’re the one who decided to show up here looking this hot.”

“Chris.” There was barely audible breathy giggles against his chin.

“And,” he continued placing a kiss next to left her eye, “You chose to sit down on my couch.”

She smiled, relaxing back and pulling him against her. He kissed a few times down her face, his one hand tangling into her hair and his other hand running along her side. Her shirt lifted up every so often meaning that his fingers brushed against exposed skin which caused her to hum in delight.

“Then you let me kiss you,” he whispered laying kisses along her jawline before he moved to kissing down to her neck, “And then you let me keep kissing you.”

He connected their lips again in a long, sensual kiss then whispered in a deep voice as he pulled away, “But we can head out if you want.”

Her eyes were half-lidded, her skin was hot and her breathing was heavy. Chris went back to kissing her neck. Her fingernails dug into his chest when he pushed his hand under her shirt, slowly sliding it to the center of her back then down to her hips though he didn’t touch her chest. His other hand scratched her scalp gently. Soft mewling vibrated her throat against his mouth.

“Uh you know,” Ashley said guiding his head with her hand along his cheek to bring them face to face, “I wasn’t really all that interested in seeing… umm… what movie were we gonna go see?”

“I have no idea.”

She laughed shifting her hand to the back of his neck. The two of them had resumed their kissing and hand roaming. He was close to laying on top of her at this point. She was so little and so delicate when compared to him. He wanted to ravage her tiny body.

It was apparently a shared desire too as she pulled back enough to look into his eyes and say, “So since we’re staying in do you maybe want to move this somewhere a little more roomy?”

She’d pointed at the door behind her head when she said it with a smirk. Chris laughed loudly, “Well while I absolutely agree with your suggestion and I certainly appreciate the pun, that one’s not mine.”

“Oh.” Ashley flipped her hand around to point to the bedroom door located behind his head instead with an embarrassed smile.

Grabbing her hand he hopped up to lead her towards the bedroom door on the other side of the apartment. He hadn’t even opened it when she stopped him almost immediately. He turned around to see her looking at her bag sitting over by the couch.

“What’s wrong?” Chris asked, watching Ashley look between him and her bag like she wanted to go get it. Why? Not to leave, right? How could he have possibly fucked up that badly from the couch to his door?

She turned back to him blushing, “Do you have condoms? And actually it's probably also a good idea to have something to make things… easier? I mean like smoother or you know what I mean, right? Because if not I have it, them, both, in my bag. I- uh- I like to be prepared.”

Holy shit! Was he actually about to have sex with Ashley Brown? It sounded like she’d planned for it too. He couldn’t even fathom how many times he’d fantasized about this. If he knew he’d have a fairly accurate estimation of how much he’d pleasured himself as a teenager, seeing as X-rated daydreams about Ashley covered a massive quantity of that.

“I got it covered. Or,” He smirked and pulled her basically up against him, “I will soon.”

She laughed before he silenced it with a kiss, both tripping a little over their own feet as he pulled her into his room. A part of him had to admit he was happy it had taken them this long to finally end up in bed together. Long enough that he had somewhat of an idea what he was doing.

His hands made their way under her shirt again. This time though he did reach up to fondle her chest as she pulled it off.

“Why aren’t you wearing a bra?” he asked curiously once he saw what he had already felt, feeling awkward immediately after. Who asks that?

“Well I mean I still only barely have boobs so I don't always wear one,” she said embarrassed holding her shirt up against her front. She sat on his bed before she let it drop probably also embarrassed he asked. However she kicked off her shoes adding, “And as I said, I like to be prepared. So I just kinda skipped wearing… some things.”

He practically slammed his mouth on hers after she’d confessed to _that_. This caused them to painfully knock teeth. They both pulled back fast and put a hand to their mouths. After a moment with shy smiles they moved in slowly to try again only for him to pause and pull away, “Oh wait.”

“What?”

“I should take my contacts out.”

“Oh.”

“It'll just be a few seconds.”

She leaned back as well with a tense smile, “Okay.”

Chris sat on the side of his bed. He tried hard to concentrate on taking out his contacts despite being distracted by the fact that his date (Ashley!) was half-naked in his bed. He was trying to avoid accidentally ending this encounter early. He dropped his contacts onto the floor and leaned down so quickly to grab them he smacked his head on his nightstand. “Fuck!”

“Oh my god, Chris! Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he said waving his hand at her to stay back, “I’m fine.”

It didn’t hurt that bad so when he pulled his hand from his forehead and saw there was no blood, he pulled off his own shoes. He turned to face her and found that she was sitting back on her feet, blushing on every inch of visible skin. It was so much better than he had ever imagined it would be, mostly because it was, you know, in real life.

He kissed her again and they both worked on pulling off his short-sleeved, button-up shirt. Her hands somehow got tangled once he was free of it and she jerked around to get it off.

“You need help?” he asked reaching for her.

“Nope,” she assured him, yanking her hands free with a loud ripping sound. She looked at him hesitantly, “Oops.”

“Nah, it doesn’t matter. I have like ten.” He forced a smile, grabbing his runed shirt to toss it aside though he honestly didn’t care that much.

He pulled her to him and she stumbled into him as the two tried to continue kissing, crookedly. They’d somehow managed to strip him down to his bare chest as well when he felt it against his partially hard penis. From the look on her face the same could be said for Ashley.

“Oh,” she said looking down between their bodies at where the vibrations were coming from, “Well, this is certainly gonna be interesting,”

Chris pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and shook it a bit in front of her face. “It’s my phone, dummy.”

Slowly she started to laugh and after a second so did he. They continued softly with wide smiles. Things felt a lot lighter as they did. He pressed his forehead to hers and she let out a soft sigh. This was okay, they were both just a little too excited. He gave her a chaste kiss before he went to set his phone on his nightstand. However he stopped when he saw the missed call was from Sam. She probably had a reason for calling. It might have been important. Although he doubted it was an emergency. At least not enough of one to keep him from this. So he tossed it aside, leaning in towards her again.

Ashley held him back though and glanced at his phone. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Because you don’t look like everything is okay.”

“It’s not urgent.” He didn’t give her a chance to argue, leaning down again to kiss her. Soon though she relaxed. Then his phone buzzed a second time. He pulled back and shifted away from her to look at it. He sat back with a heavy breath. He couldn’t be sure this call was also from Sam but an icy feeling came over him. He looked at his potential lover, bare above her hips in front of him. He had waited so long for this. Finally Ashley was here in his bed and completely willing to- No even better, _eager_ to sleep with him.

Chris couldn’t do it. Not until she knew about the whole sperm donor thing. They weren’t in much of a relationship yet but they were still something. He couldn’t take such a huge step with her when she didn’t know she might not be the only one getting some use out of his literal baby-maker in the near future. He ran his hands through his hair. Ashley crawled over to him on all fours and looked even more alluring that way. This was not fair!

“What’s up?” she asked. She gestured to his phone with her head, “You gotta do something?”

“Yeah,” he answered taking another long breath, “I have to talk to you.”

“Oh.” She looked really nervous and dejected. “It’s okay. I understand how weird it-”

“No!” Chris said forcefully and he leaned forward to kiss her once having to hold back his desire to pounce her. “Ash, this has absolutely nothing, _nothing,_ to do with that, okay? I think you’re incredibly sexy and I want to do this.”

She looked at least a little relieved if not completely. She also blushed deeply at his compliment, red from forehead to hips. Incredibly sexy had not been an exaggeration on his part. He took her hands with a deep breath.

“It’s just that I can’t sleep with you unless I tell you about this first because that’s not right and it feels like something I should have told you before we even got this far. I don’t quite know how to say it. I just know we can’t do this until you know.”

Ashley squinted at him for a couple of seconds. Suddenly her eyes widened with understanding. She took a deep breath of her own, “Oh. Well. I guess, I- I mean- Look it’s fine. A little surprising? Sure. But fine.”

“What?”

“I’m saying that I’m fine with it. I understand why this would be hard for you to talk about and why you didn’t feel like you could tell me. And I mean this was very spur of the moment. The most important thing is you’re telling me now and it doesn’t bother me as long as we take precautions.”

“Ashley, what do you think I’m about tell you?”

She ruffled his hair gently as if to comfort him. “There’s no reason to be embarrassed about it. Plenty of people have STDs.”

“What? No!” He really shouldn’t feel as humiliated by it as he did because she was apparently fine with it except she didn’t need to be fine with it because there was nothing to be fine with! “I don’t have any- I mean I’m- Not that there's anything wrong with-”

“Chris?”

“That’s not what I have to tell you!” Oh great. He yelled at her. This was, without a doubt, the worst sexual experience he’d ever had and so of course it was with Ashley!

“Well then I’m completely lost.”

He groaned, “I have to tell you that Sam and Beth want to have a baby.”

“Yeah, I know.” She looked at him as if worried he may have lost his mind. “Sam told me.”

Yep, he was three for three on this one. “I mean they want to have a baby and asked if I’d consider helping them out with that.”

Ashley looked confused for the first few seconds. Then understanding once more graced her features. She swat his arm playfully after that, “You had me really worried, dingus. I think it’s really sweet you’re willing to be their donor.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, there’s a lot of people who wouldn’t be comfortable doing that.” Then she bit her lip and moved closer to him to place a hand on his bicep and the other on his shoulder to pull him closer. Sounding seductive she continued with, “But you’ve always been like that. You’re just this big, soft, cuddly, old bear.”

She kissed him, trying to push him back into his bed. He stayed up though. He was stunned that she was still horny. He’d figured sex was going to be off the table, at least for the time being. However she was ready to dive right back into it. As she had undone the buttons of her skirt and was ready to pull it off. It was the last bit of clothing she had on if she'd been telling the truth earlier.

Ashley had taken this well. Amazingly well.

Chris pulled back, “So, this is okay?”

“Seriously? You are such a dork.” She sighed. “Yes, Chris. I want to have sex with you, thanks for checking. This is my explicit consent.”

Ashley giggled trying to kiss him again but he leaned further back, “No, no I meant- I mean the baby thing. You’re totally fine?”

She looked confused, “Uh, yeah.”

“Because we can talk about it if you want.”

She lifted up onto her knees to whisper against his mouth, “I _want_ you to fuck me. Preferably very rough and fairly soon,” then resumed kissing him.

He should find that erotic. He should be excited as her hands clumsily undid his belt buckle. Ashley wanted this, Ashley wanted him, so badly. This should be the sexiest thing to have ever happened to him.

Yet he pulled back. “You know you don’t have to be okay with it, right?”

“I know.”

“I care about how you feel. It’s allowed to bother you or freak you out.”

“Well, it doesn’t.”

“Are you sure? You haven’t really thought about it much.”

“Okay.” She fixed her skirt then got off of his bed to get the rest of her clothes.

“What are doing?” he asked as his body sagged.

She was already getting dressed as she explained, “Chris, I don’t want to do this if you’re not gonna be completely here and your head is clearly not in the right place.”

Wha-? He had… No! He crawled towards the foot of his bed where she was putting her shoes on. “You’re right. I’m sorry. My mind’s back on us now. One-hundred percent. Promise!”

“Even if I did believe you I’m not really feeling it anymore.” He was such a wimp because he actually wanted to cry. After all this time he’d messed things up so fast. However she took his face into her hands to give him a long kiss goodnight which reassured him they weren’t breaking up at least, “I’ll text you tomorrow morning, okay?”

He forced another smile. “Okay.”

“Goodnight.”

“Night.”

She kissed him softly one last time before leaving. She didn’t ask him to walk her to her car and so he didn’t bother to offer. He couldn’t handle anymore rejection. All he had to do was keep his stupid mouth shut after he’d told her about maybe being Sam and Beth’s sperm donor. If he had then rather than wallowing alone in his disappointment he would most likely be having the best sex anyone had ever had ever. Working out ten years worth of sexual tension was bound to be something.

However as Chris fell back onto his bed that’s not what he was upset about.


	3. Hey Diddle, Diddle

“Sam?” Beth called as she struggled to bring her foot up to her hand to take off her shoe rather than bend over. She got the first off and half-hopped through the entryway as she tried to get the other off. Once free of her shoes she made her way into the kitchen. “Sam?”

That was weird. Sam was usually making dinner when Beth got home. Even if she was back a bit early she wasn’t back that early, an hour at the most. Sam started work earlier than Beth and Beth worked later than Sam. That made every moment together precious (it would also be perfect for when they had the baby to look after). Beth’s heart swelled thinking of it. Their baby. She and Sam were having a baby!

After checking all the rooms downstairs she headed upstairs. “Sweetheart?”

Once at the top of the stairs she went straight for their bedroom stopping for a second at the bathroom which was empty so no ridiculously long baths. Sam would never leave the house without a note or phone call. She knew how much Beth worried. Sam never took naps either because than she couldn’t sleep later that night. Light streamed from underneath the bedroom door so she was most likely in there but why? Beth opened the door slightly slower than normal but then slammed it open when she saw inside.

“You filthy little cheater!”

Sam jump off their bed, “Beth. Why- why are you home so early?”

“Never mind that,” Beth snapped then pointed to their bed, “What were you doing in here with-”

“I can explain!” Sam sounded desperate.

“Explain what?!” Beth marched forward to snatch the notebook from the foot of their bed. She quickly flipped to the first guy’s page. She pointed at her wife accusingly, “Why you were giving out secret extra points while I was at work? We’re supposed to be doing the pros and cons lists together, you sneaky little brat!”

“Oh like you’re one to talk,” she shot back, “I know you added stuff while I was doing laundry yesterday!”

This is how it had been since pretty much the moment the guys left. Beth and Sam had looked over the contract they signed and then at each mostly empty list. Beth was still looking it over as Sam started on their dinner. Sam had noticed this and giggled at her. She had the cutest laugh and she was easy to make laugh. It was a trait Beth loved and were she making a pros and cons list for Sam it would have been one of the first things she put down.

“Pros and cons lists? Really?”

“I know, I know but we have to put some consideration into it. We can’t just pick one without taking everything into account.”

“We don’t need to. I already know exactly which of them we should ask.”

“Now you see?” Beth said dropping the notebook on the counter, “This is why I married you. We’re always on the same page. The lists are just so we can double check everything. See if we might have missed something worth thinking about but don’t worry it’ll work out.”

“Hopefully.” Sam looked away and Beth pointed to the notebook with the page that had the contract and signatures showing.

“Definitely.”

Sam looked like she was about to burst.

“But we have to be fair with this even if the choice is obvious.”

“Right. Yeah.”

“It’s Chris.” “It’s Matt.”

Wait a second, those were two different names, two different guys. That- that couldn’t be right.

“Sam, we’re not disqualifying guys yet. We were talking about our first choice.”

“I know.”

“Well honey, you misspoke. You said Chris.”

“I know.”

Beth almost lost her shit then and there but she remained calm as she explained, “I know we’re both big fans of sarcasm but this really isn’t a topic to joke about.”

“Why is this so hard for you to believe? I said Chris because I meant Chris. Sincerely.”

That was when Beth lost it.

“I’m sorry, what? You think the best choice to father our baby is Chris?”

“I don’t understand the issue here!”

“The issue is I thought we agreed this decision was obvious and you picked the least obvious guy.”

“Uh no, you’re the one who said Matt.”

“Of course I did! Have you met Matt?”

“My best friend’s fiancé Matt? Yes, I know him well.”

“That’s your hang up?”

“I’m sorry it’s bad that I respect your sister?”

“It’s bad that you don’t want the best for our baby.”

“And somehow Matt is the best?”

“Duh!”

“Not to me! I think it’s Chris!”

“Well I know it’s Matt!”

After that it was a staring contest. Each of them silently daring the other to stand their ground. Each making it clear they weren’t forfeiting their choice. They knew what they wanted and they were not going to budge on this. Up until the pot Sam had put on the stove was bubbling over and she had to rush over to it. Beth sighed as her body relaxed a little bit. She knew herself and she knew her wife. Something this important was not going to be settled with a Mexican stand-off. Looks like they needed these lists after all.

“Me giving out points last night was different.”

“How?!”  
  
“The things I added were things I knew you’d agree with, you’re adding frivolous and meaningless stuff to boost Chris’ list!”

“ _‘Is my closest male friend’_ is not meaningless!”

“Yeah, but you can’t put that and _‘guy I trust most!’_ That’s giving points twice for the same thing!”

“Ha!” Sam marched forward and grabbed the book away so fast she almost made Beth rip it, “Let’s see your additions to Matt’s list shall we? ‘ _Chiseled jaw,’ ‘warm smile,’ ‘well-built’_ and then ‘ _is the most handsome!’_ All you did is split that into four pros instead of one! So you’re an even bigger cheater than I am.”

“Oh please those are great traits and you know it!”

“Not good enough for each to have their own point! Besides if we’re going to focus so hard on looks have you seen Chris’ eyes? They’re magical!”

“Yeah? So? Chris has the nicest eyes. Big deal. Matt has the nicest everything else!” Beth could have never come up with a scenario when she was younger where she would be admitting Chris had strikingly beautiful icy blue eyes and carrying on about how gorgeous her sister’s fiancé was but here she was.

“It doesn’t matter! We don’t need reminders Matt is good-looking! That’s written down already!”

“You keep doing that with Chris being the smartest!”

“Athletics can always be taught, Beth, intellect comes to people naturally.”

“And you’re plenty smart.”

“Not as smart as Chris is.”

“That’s only cause he’s such a smart-ass!”

“I’m,” Sam continued with empathize, “Also pretty athletic! So that leaves Matt in the same place!”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Why not?”

“There are no foods that will kill Matt!”

“Just shellfish and it won’t kill him! Also hello, vegan! We almost never have any of that stuff in the house to begin with. Besides there are a lot of health experts who believe that being lactose intolerant is actually a sign of beneficial evolution.”

Oh no, here she goes.

“It’s unnatural to drink milk from another animal. No other mammals do it. Not consuming dairy has so many amazing health benefits! And there are delicious vegan ways to get calcium. Plus it basically forces us to rely on better and healthier non-animal exploiting alternatives. I mean Almond milk is practically a miracle drink. Any push in that direction is a good one!”

“I am not letting you put ‘can’t drink milk’ on Chris’ pro list!”

“Well, I’m not letting you put it on his con list!”

Beth felt her blood boiling. Sam defended Chris’ bad traits at every turn and kept giving him points for worthless things. She couldn’t even understand her wife’s intense desire to have Chris be their donor, let alone support her. Beth didn’t want to admit it but Sam’s eagerness to have Chris’ baby made her a little jealous.

Taking a deep breath Beth shrugged off her suit jacket and threw it on top of the armour. She sat on the bed and motioned for Sam to do the same. Reluctantly she did. Beth took back the notebook and flipped the page over so they were looking at Mike’s pros and cons list. Once she had she reached back to find the pen Sam had been using and offered it over to her as a peacekeeping. They could work together.

“Alright, let’s put Chris and Matt on the shelf tonight and look over Mike instead.” The sooner this was solved the sooner they’d be expecting a baby. She and Sam turned back to the book to consider the benefits and issues with their final guy. Not that Beth was really considering asking her brother's boy toy to father her baby. There was silence as Beth and Sam searched their minds.

Mike. Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike. He uh he- He wasn’t terrible looking but he wasn’t as handsome as Matt. He was smart! But Sam was right. Chris was the most obvious choice if they were looking for smart. Mike was charismatic but so was Matt. Mike had a really great sense of humor though admittedly Chris made her laugh a lot more often. Mike was a driven… just like Matt. Mike was confident in himself…  just like Chris.

It seemed Mike was just simply not the best in any category. Truthfully that made him clearly the best choice as while the other guys beat him out in most things he had the most number of desirable traits overall. Josh had not been wrong in saying he was truly the happy medium between all of the things Sam wanted and all of the things Beth did.

But he wasn’t either of their first picks. That was his fatal flaw. So they sat there, tapping their feet, laying down, pacing, getting comfortable on the bed, playing with pens, sighing and thinking. Pros for Mike’s list. Pros for Mike’s list.

“Oh.” Sam finally broke the silence. Beth sat up straight pen ready to jot down whatever Sam was about to say. “Did we remember to put ‘has a big family’ on Matt’s list? Cause that will probably help our chances a bit. Whatever he’s got must be potent.”

Beth sagged a tiny bit but then perked up when she saw they hadn’t put that down and she added it. She got a surge of glee to add something to her guy, “Putting it on now, babe.”

“Oh hey,” Sam said and Beth got excited once more until Sam continued with, “Sorry, totally random but speaking of family, did you know Chris’ grandmother came out as a lesbian a few months ago?”

“Oh yeah he told me,” Beth said waving the pen at Sam before she remembered, “His uncle is gay too, right?”

“I’m pretty sure, yeah,” Sam said stretching out the word, nodding as she did. She looked like she was thinking then she looked back at Beth, “And you know, Chris is also bisexual.”

It really had no bearing on the issue. She could see Sam was thinking it too and was trying to gauge how she felt. It’s not like it’s hereditary or anything. She really didn’t want to give Chris more points either but…

“No, yeah we should definitely put that one down.”

Sam smiled with a relieved sigh. Of course they’d love their kid even if she did turn out to be straight but taking measures to maybe up the chances of having a non-straight kid couldn’t hurt.

Sam knocked her shoulder playfully a little after she did. Beth knew she was being smug about her winning him more points but she was so cute about it that Beth couldn’t really be mad. It was a silly point to give out but it was nice to know even during this headache they still agreed on some things.

Okay Mike. Mike. Mike.

Mike was- Mike- Mike could be- He had- He was… Mike.

“Hey sweetheart,” Sam said leaning on the door after what felt like another hour of more stretching, wandering and making bored noises, “I’m actually burnt out for tonight. You wanna go make dinner and pick this up again later?”

“I think that’s a good idea.” Beth stood to follow her tossing the notebook onto the vanity. She was happy for any excuse not to think about Michael Munroe.

* * *

"This is it!” Mike yelled slamming his bedroom door as he came out into their kitchen. Chris was sitting at the counter looking dejectedly down at the food in his bowl. Mike wasn’t sure if it was soup or chili but he had definitely let it sit too long. The two of them had come to an agreement not to talk about the baby donor thing. They’d argued not long after they were both back at their apartment. However since they lived together it was better for their living situation to just not bring it up. Mike and Josh on the other hand hadn’t spoken each other since the day they went to Beth and Sam’s house.

“You! Stop right there!” Mike had yelled as soon as all four guys were out of the house and in the driveway.

“Uh oh! Am I in trouble, daddy?” Josh said it flirtatiously but his smile was still a little awkward.

“Don’t try being cute.” Mike crossed his arms and then dropped them. He hated that Josh always forced him to behave like his baby-sister. He shouldn’t have to monitor his behavior all the time. They were two grown ass men in a committed relationship. He should be able to go places with Josh and relax and have fun. Too bad that was always a fifty-fifty shot. Time with Josh was either awesome or sucked ass and there was no in-between.

“Aww, come on, babe.” Josh tried again. “You know I don’t have to try at that.”

“How could you do that?” He got right in Josh’s face but he deserved it. He saw Matt in the corner of his eye rush for his car. Chris was sitting on back of his truck bed as Mike and Josh were blocking him in. He didn’t seem to care much though as he pulled his phone out and was back to being a stereotypical high school girl.

“What?” Josh answered as if he was totally caught off guard, “Offer to help out my sister?”

“No, offering before talking to me.” Mike felt like hitting Josh. Adults knew that you talked these kinds of things through. You don’t make huge decisions without considering your long time partner.

“Why is my DNA something I need to talk to you about?” Josh threw his hands out as if he was frustrated when he had no right to be, “Just because you like my dick doesn’t make it yours, Mike.”

Chris let out a very unfortunately timed snort of laughter or maybe it wasn’t and he actually thought Josh was being funny. Mike took a quick angry breath, “Josh, everything that happened in there was your fault.”

“My fault?!” Josh yelled. He was starting to look actually angry, “Don’t blame me for your pissing contest! Besides I took your side. You’re easily the best choice and you know I don’t give out empty flattery.”

“Oh yeah? If you think I’m the best choice why’d you offer then?”

Josh scoffed, “Cause you’re not gonna do it.”

“Excuse me?” Mike was grateful for times like these where he towered over him. Josh always flinched back as he should. Mike liked the guy too much to actually hurt him but he needed to be put in check every now and again.

“You won’t do it.” Josh took a step back but then stood his ground. “And I don’t want my baby sister to be disappointed.”

“Pssh.” Mike tried not to cross his arms but couldn’t help it. “Yeah, right. I know you and I know you’ve got some kind of ulterior motive here.”

“Like what?” Josh challenged as if that was the most ridiculous thing ever, “You think I have the hots for Sam and her carrying my baby turns me on or some shit like that!”

“I do now!” Mike was taken aback. “Especially because of how oddly fucking specific that was.”

“I think he was just trying to sound outlandish, Mike.” Chris didn’t even look their way when he said it, eyes still glued to his phone with a smile big enough to break his face. Mike walked over to him and grabbed his phone.

“I didn’t ask for the opinion of a guy who thinks sharing cutesy gifs and memes will get him laid.”

“Hey!” Josh came forward to take Chris’ phone from Mike looking about ready to explode at him. “That’s it! I’m a little sick of the way you’ve been talking to my best friend today.”

“You talk to him like that!” Mike felt like he’d entered a different universe. “You called him out for having no game half an hour ago.”

“Because he’s MY best friend. He’s knows it’s all in good fun. I’m allowed to mock his complete lack of skill in romantic endeavors!”

“You know I’m sitting here, right?”

“Yeah.” Josh tossed him his phone. “Go back to texting Ash and if you’re lucky maybe she’ll hold your hand next time you hang out. I’m sure you’ll be making out in about six months.”

“We’re making out now!”

“Oh really?” Josh asked leaning against Chris’ truck with a devilish smile, “Please, go on.”

Chris turned red but was smiling like he had a secret he couldn’t wait to share and Mike rolled his eyes.

“See? This!” Mike yelled interrupting their buddy-buddy session, “You just did that on purpose!”

“Did what?” Josh gave him a look.

“That!” Mike pointed at Chris who was starting to look uncomfortable. “You made fun of him to trick him into telling you how far he’s gotten with Ashley!”

Mike was too used to manipulation tactics when it came to him and Josh. “And look at that it got you out of the conversation we were having!”

“The one where you were trying to lay claim over my junk?!” He looked annoyed.

“Christ almighty frying jackrabbits!” Mike stomped over to his car. “You’re a fucking child!”

Mike got in his car and locked all the doors before he started the engine. Josh ran up to it and pulled on the handle a few times. Looking angry he began to bang on the window. Mike gave him a nasty smirk and Josh stuck his tongue out at him. God, was he ten years old?! Mike shifted his car into drive and sped away from two of the fucked as all hell Washingtons. He’d be much better off without them in his life.

The Chris there with him sighed, “You always say that and then a week later I get up one night to go to the bathroom and he’s naked in our kitchen!”

Chris said it with a lot of venom. They may have agreed not to talk about it but that didn’t mean the two were getting along. If Mike was comfortable complaining about this to anyone else he would not be bothering with some out of shape loser who actually thought he was more fit to father a child than Mike was.

“Well, I mean it this time!” Mike said as Chris stood to wrap his bowl in plastic wrap having barely touched it. Mike tried not to hover behind him but he needed someone to vent to. “He hasn’t even sent me a text since I apologized to him, selfish bastard.”

“You drove off without him,” Chris reasoned half-shoving his food into their fridge, “Can you blame the guy for being a bit sore?”

Mike scoffed, “You make it sound like I abandoned him in the middle of nowhere. I left him at his sister’s place with his best friend. Besides he deserved it!”

Mike stomped around their small kitchen. “He’s such a little snake! You know how manipulative Josh can get and I know he’s got some ulterior motive. I just don’t know what it is yet! And if he is going to be lying and being sneaky then-”

“Oh let me guess,” Chris said half slamming the fridge shut, “Then you’re not going to put up with his bullshit anymore. At least not for the next few days until he comes here to get something and you two have sex so loud I can hear it from the stairwell!”

“Sorry that some of us have active sex lives.”

“You know what, Mike?” Chris yelled grabbing his jacket by the door, “I had a shit night and I don’t have the patience for your love/hate drama with Josh right now! Believe it or not I have my own life!”

Chris opened the door but before he left he looked back and said, “And by the way your boyfriend is in our bathroom, douche-bag! Make sure you tell him I’m sorry I ran out but my roommate was being a colossal ass!”

With a slam Chris was gone.

Mike heard his toilet flush not long after. Great, he had kind of hoped Chris had been trying to set him off. He turned to see Josh leaving the bathroom, wiping his wet hands on his shirt. Mike didn’t even attempt to smile at him even though he was smirking. Josh came to him and stroked his cheek gently, “Miss me, love?”

Mike slapped his hand away, “Why are you here?”

“Well, we haven’t talked in three days.” Josh shrugged, “I figured it was make-up sex time.”

“We haven’t talk for a reason, numbnuts.” Mike rolled his eyes walking over to couch to lean on the back.

“What the baby daddy thing?” Josh waved his hand with a ‘pssh’ noise, “Come on are you really mad at me over something that stupid?”

“Stupid!?” Mike yelled, “I have never seen you do something that manipulative, underhanded, sneaky, insensitive, impulsive or ridiculous!”

“You sure about that?” Josh raised an eyebrow, “Cause I’ve done some pretty manipulative, underhanded, sneaky, insensitive, impulsive and ridiculous things.”

Mike smacked his own head with both hands, “Josh, you can’t make decisions like that without talking to me about it.”

“Why not?”

Did he hear himself when he talked?! “Because we’re in a relationship!”

“Yeah.” Josh shrugged again. “But not that kind of relationship.”

Mike sputtered to say something. What did he mean by ‘not that kind of relationship?’ Probably one like Sam and Beth’s relationship. And he was right. Mike and Josh were not Sam and Beth. Sam and Beth agreed and got along most of the time. Sam and Beth didn’t break up for weeks and then get back together after having (admittedly pretty amazing) sex again. Sam and Beth talked about having a baby. Josh didn’t take a moment to consider asking Mike how he felt. They weren't in that kind of a relationship.

“You still embarrassed me!” Mike finally said, “I looked like an idiot when you said that without talking to me.”

“Mike, I think your hissy-fit was the embarrassing part.”

“Which was because of you.” Mike hit the couch, “You made me have to defend my manhood!”

“So?” Josh came forward smiling, “I knew your manhood could handle it. If it can handle me it can handle anything.”

“What?!”

“Mikey, babe,” Josh said coming up to him and putting his hands on either side of his face, “Nobody could measure up to you. I meant it when I said you were the perfect specimen of a man. Trust daddy’s boy.”

“You’re not cute.” Mike pointed hard into Josh’s chest. “And I’m still pissed at you.”

“Okay, but,” Josh said indicating Mike’s door with his head, “We’re still gonna have sloppy, kinda violent, crazy hot make-up sex, right?”

Mike breathed hard and heavy a few times.

“Well, of course we are.” Mike gestured hard at his door with his hand which Josh practically ran to. Mike angrily followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter name corrected to Hey Diddle, Diddle. There's a lot going on with me...


	4. Roses are Red

Hannah’s father had ambushed her the second Matt got her home and once more tried to go back on his word. She was angry at her “sisters” and frustrated with him so even though she planned to confront them that day she ended up going to bed to sleep off her massive headache. Work kept her swamped the next few days after that (she couldn’t afford to lose her part, even if it was just in one of those Lifetime T.V. movies) and she decided it was good Matt was also busy. She’d forgiven him already but she felt it was better for them both that she not see his face for a little while. Every time she saw him made her more and more angry at Beth. Which wasn't fair as Hannah had a right to see her fiancé as much as she damn well pleased!

This meant she did not get to talk to her sister until she came over to their house to talk to their father. He’d been the one who invited her to the house with no explanation other than ‘I’d like to chat.’ He probably wanted to try and get Beth to take his side on their wedding debate even though she never would, if for no other reason than Beth kind of hated him. He knew though if Hannah would listen to anyone then it was Beth or Josh.

Or it HAD been up until her twin sister came along and just stabbed her right in the back. (At least she still had Josh.) How could she do this? Who did she think she was? Beth always walked around like the world owed her something. What did she think she was doing? Was this the price she expected Hannah to pay for her offering her wedding funds? Well no dice, Matt was her man! Beth couldn’t have him! Not any part of him!

She cut Beth off as she left their father’s home office. She had the same face on Hannah felt all three them made after any extended amount of time with Bob Washington, but that didn’t mean she was going to go easy on her.

“Oh, hey there, Han,” the back stabber said as if she wasn’t the traitor she was. ‘Go ahead and try to play innocent. I’m onto you!’ Hannah could play this game if that’s what she wanted. She could be just as sneaky and schemy as her snake of a sister. She could hold her own.

“Hey?! That’s all you have to say to me?! Hey?!” Hannah managed to keep her temper for all of a second maybe two.

“Um how are you doing…?” the underhanded witch asked. So she still wasn’t dropping the act.

“How am I doing?!” Hannah yelled right into the face identical to her own except far, far more deceitful, “I’ve never been better. Finally getting a role in a movie, getting married, buying a house, everything is so peachy for me. In fact my fiancé may even be having a baby soon.”

She held back from stomping her foot like a child because Beth was going to take her seriously, “The kicker is it’s not with me!”

Understanding dawned on her sister’s face like she had been completely blind to her treachery up until that moment. “Han, listen-”

“No you listen,” Hannah yelled then paused. She was seething but realized in all her anger she hadn’t really thought about what exactly she was going to say to Beth except, “Matt is not going to be your sperm donor and that is the end of that, Elizabeth the traitor!”

Now it was Beth who looked betrayed, “You know I hate my real name, Hannah!”

“Oh I’m sorry, you’re right that is definitely on the same level as you asking my man to get your wife pregnant!”

“Calm down, we didn’t even really ask him yet,” she bit back.

Yet? Yet?! YET?!

“He’s not doing it so get that out of your scheming head right now!”

“Well he doesn’t have much of a choice.” Her was face twisting into anger and Hannah kind of hoped she didn’t look that ugly angry. Though maybe what made it ugly was her black heart!

“No he doesn’t as I, his future wife, forbid this.”

“You forbid this?!” Beth scoffed, “God this isn’t one of your soap operas!”

“You think I’m living in a soap opera?! Ha!” Hannah couldn’t believe was she was hearing, “You’re the one trying to steal away my lover.”

Beth looked around as if Hannah was the crazy one here and not her for suggesting the man Hannah was marrying father her baby! A baby he’d be having with her best friend!

“It doesn’t matter because it is not happening.”

“He already signed the contract!”

“Wh-what?! A contract?! You made him sign a contract?!” What world did her sister live in?

“Yes,” Beth said putting up her professional demeanor, “This is important to me and Sam so we couldn’t take it lightly. I drew up a contract that all of the guys signed guaranteeing whoever we end up asking has already agreed to do it.”

Hannah sputtered, “How devious are you?!”

“Stop trying to make me sound like a supervillain!” Beth rolled her eyes, “It’s not like I’ve been planning this or anything.”

“Or have you?!” Hannah accused then suddenly it all made sense in her head and she gasped “You have, haven’t you?”

“Are you serious right now?” Beth had veins pulsing in her forehead.

“No, it all fits together!” Hannah asserted pointing hard, “You’ve always wanted this and so you found a way to make it happen!”

“How, Hannah? How did I put this master plan of mine into action?!”

“First!” She started pacing the floor as she unravelled her sister’s hidden diabolical plot. She recalled her relationship with Matt over the years and as she’d expected all of the puzzle pieces fell into place, “Who introduced me to Matt in high school? You did!”

“Because you brought me lunch during our tutoring session!”

“Yes, which you insisted I bring you when everytime you forgot your lunch Josh who dropped off to you!” Hannah pointed harder at the back-stabbing schemer of a sister she had.

“He had detention!”

“Then,” Hannah continued ignoring her meaningless protests, “It was you who encouraged him to join me at the gym while Sam was away for the summer.”

“Because you asked me to!” Beth said, denying all of her nefarious deeds. “Remember? You needed a spotter.”

“Then it was you who arranged for him to take me to prom.”

“No, I didn’t! I told him you didn’t have a date because he asked!”

“And yet you did nothing to stop him from asking me when you knew I liked Mike at the time and was waiting for him to ask.”

“You mean the guy who was secretly fucking our brother?” Beth crossed her arms over her chest and then moaned sarcastically, “Yeah, I really ruined something great for you there!”

“Then when he finally asked me out legitimately in college it was you and Sam, the other traitor, who helped me get ready for our first date!”

“I’m really not sure how much of this you believe right now.”

“And! It was Sam who planned our engagement party!”

“I’m sorry are you getting mad at me because my wife, your best friend, wanted to help you celebrate your engagement?”

Hannah gasped again, “You sneaky devil, that’s why you offered me the rest of your wedding fund. You’re trying to keep Matt and me together so you could get his beautiful genes in you baby. Admit it! I’ve found you out!”

Hannah pointed dramatically in her sister’s face. She didn’t look like her evil plan had been revealed. Rather she looked like she was worried about Hannah’s current mental state.

“Hannah, please tell me you don’t actually believe I orcastated your entire relationship with Matt over the last eleven years so I could ask him to be my sperm donor some day.”

Hannah leaned back, out of breath and shaking from adrenaline. She didn’t believe that. Besides even if she had Matt turned out to be absolutely perfect for her and as there was no way he was giving in to Beth’s request it wasn’t like she’d really lost out in this arrangement. Besides that she doubted Sam would’ve had played any part in that.

She could get carried away. “No, no I don’t.”

“Okay, cause Josh is all the crazy I can handle in this family.”

“He’s still not doing it!”

“Oh come on!” Beth moaned, “What is the big deal? It’s not like he’s going to be sleeping with Sam or anything.”

“Ugh,” Hannah yanked her hair, “That’s not the point!”

“Then what’s the point!?”

“He’s mine! Mine, mine, mine, mine! And that’s the only reason you want him to do it!”

Beth made an obnoxious noise as if she was offended complete with her hand on her chest, “That is not even remotely close to being true!”

“You are so self-centered!”

“And you’re selfish!”

“Okay why do you want Matt’s baby? Huh?” Hannah crossed her arms and leaned toward her sister challengingly. She dared her not to admit to her crimes.

“Because he’s gorgeous. Which considering how much you talk about it I know that you know!”

“That’s it?!”

“Yes.” There was some hesitation in that.

“Do you know how many pretty guys there are out in the world?!” she yelled waving her arm dramatically, “Sure none of them can compare to my Matt but there are ones close enough. You don’t need my man. That’s what sperm banks are for, stupid!”

Beth looked ready to explode after that. Hannah stared her down.

The two girls lunged forward. They grabbed at each other and starting pulling hair and scratching faces. Hopefully their parents didn’t care too much about the furniture in this part of the hallway as their backs hit the wall on either side. They screamed and shrieked and swung their arms and clawed and bit at one another. They tumbled this way and that way until a bigger person pushed between the two of them and tried to seperate them. That only resulted in a third body being added to their brawl and they were intercepting kicks and punches as they girls tried to tear into each other. Finally the force pushed them apart due only to being a little bigger than either of them.

“Whoa, whoa cowgirls,” the voice of their older brother said, “What’s with all the violence? Family love, ohana, kumbaya and all that other shit.”

Beth yanked away from them both. Josh kept his arm around Hannah, which was probably the right move. Josh shook his head, “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you go for each other’s throats so hard. Should I be preparing for the end of humanity? Because I don’t know what all the signs are but this has to be one of them.”

Beth huffed. She stood up before she straightened her suit jacket and then her hair. With a deep in breath she walked passed both of her siblings and head for the front door. “Oh don’t worry about it. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go be an adult as the only one of us not living at home with mom and dad!”

Josh held Hannah back long enough for Beth to make her exit, not turning around once as she did. She slammed the door on her way out too. It was only after he released Hannah that it registered for Josh what their sister had said.

“HEY!”

* * *

"So,” Jess said putting down her teacup. Emily quietly continued to sip her tea gracefully next to her. “You two have decided to have a baby?”

Beth put a hand on Sam’s shoulder and she grabbed it in response. Beth was always caring for her. The two of them nodded enthusiastically. No matter the disagreements they had that was the one thing they always agreed on and were excited about. Because no matter who they picked or how they ended up doing this thing they were doing it. They were having a baby.

“That’s crazy.” Jess sat back and sighed out hard. “I mean don’t get me wrong I’m super thrilled for you guys.”

“Thanks,” Sam said. They liked it when Jess and Emily came over. They were the only friends the two of them had in a same-sex relationship other than Josh and Mike (both of whom could be overwhelming). Of course Sam loved Hannah to death but the Matt talk could grate on her nerves after a while. Being spared the intense heterosexuality was nice sometimes.

“It’s just… wow,” Jess continued in her shocked voice. “You’re the first of any of us to do it. I can’t even imagine that.”

Beth sat back down at the table having laid out a tray of finger sandwiches they had prepared together. She moved her chair close enough to Sam’s that their legs touched under the table. She liked for them to be close. It was nice to have a little bit of a tea party with the other couple. Jess took a sandwich off the try and bit into it with her little, nibbly bites despite its small size. Emily took two for her plate as well while Beth poured some tea for herself.

“Don’t you guys want kids someday?” Sam asked, also grabbing food.

Jess shook her head ‘no’ vehemently as Emily responded for them. “Are you kidding me? Part of the reason Jess and I got married was because there is no chance of an accidental baby with this combination.”

Beth laughed. Jess elbowed her partner playfully, “Yeah, loving and wanting to commit to each other for life was secondary to the no baby thing.”

Emily smirked in return before she said more seriously, “I guess we just don’t get the appeal. Jess and I agreed pretty early against motherhood.”

Sam shrugged. “I guess I understand that.”

“I don’t.” Sam felt embarrassed right after Beth said it. Her wife seemed to notice her mistake right after though and put her hand over her mouth for a moment before she continued. “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that, guys. I’m cool with whatever you want to do with your lives.”

“I just-” Beth looked at her and smiled warmly. “I mean I don’t understand how anyone could think that way. I couldn't be more excited about this.”

Sam leaned into her shoulder and smiled, “Yeah. Sorry guys, but I actually completely agree with Beth. Obviously what you do isn’t any of our business but I just can’t imagine not wanting to have a baby. Especially with Beth. We love each other so much and we can’t wait to share that all of love with another person. Someone we’re raising, teaching and watching grow together. It’s all we could ever want out of life.”

“Aww,” Jess cooed, “Sam, that’s so cute! I guess I sorta get it.”

“I don’t,” Emily said, looking Beth’s way with a mischievous smile so Sam got the idea she was teasing them. All four women shared a light chuckle.

“So how are you thinking about doing it?” Emily asked finally digging into her food.

“Yeah,” Jess added as it occurred to her too, “Is one of you gonna carry it or are you going for a straight up adoption?”

Beth went a little stiff and so did Sam. They knew this would come up but they tried not to talk about it unless they were doing their deliberating. Beth cleared her throat and answered for them.

“We’ve decided we want two kids,” she said and Sam squeezed her hand to show she agreed, “We are going with adoption for one but Sam really wants to carry a baby so we’re doing a donor this time.”

“Oh,” Jess said with understanding, “Well, good luck!”

Then she leaned toward Emily to whisper, “Wait, was that weird to say?”

Emily rolled her eyes, “They can still hear you, sweetheart.”

“I know,” Jess said sitting back, “But I figured I should at least try to hide it. It’s only polite.”

Emily turned her attention back to them, “How’s the process going? Have you found a donor yet?”

Sam swallowed. “Actually we asked the guys if one of them would do it.”

Jess and Emily immediately paused with eyes wide and mouths hanging open. They matched with their cups in one hand and their food in the other hand. Emily had crumbs falling from off her chin and Jess had tea dripping from off her lips. They looked like a strange still life painting.

“Wait,” Jess said quickly once she put her tea cup and food down, “What?!”

Emily seemed to be having a much harder time snapping back to reality and she asked even more caught off guard than her partner was, “The guys? As in OUR guys? Meaning our guy friends?!”

“Yes.” Beth sounded pretty annoyed and Sam swat her arm gently in warning, “Sam feels like that will make her most comfortable so we asked them.”

“Eww,” Jess cried out flinging her hands around in disgust, “That means you might have Chris’ baby?! Ugh like we need more of him in the world.”

“Forget Chris,” Emily replied, “What about Mike? Mike! You might actually let Mike be the father of your child?”

“I feel like your biases are showing,” Sam said as Beth raised an eyebrow next to her. Of course Jess would find her step-brother the worst option and Emily would think the same of her ex-boyfriend even though she and him were okay with each other by now (mostly).

“To be fair, honey. They aren’t wrong.”

“Not now, Beth,” Sam warned through her teeth. Beth turned to look at her.

“Why not?” she demanded, “Jess and Emily are our friends and since they aren’t involved maybe their opinions will be useful to us.”

Sam turned her way, “You are only saying that because Jess is so clearly against Chris and you want to dock him points!”

“You docked points from Matt last night!”

“Because you keep adding stuff about how good he looks!”

“He is a handsome man!”

Sam turned away from her and threw her hands up into the air, “Are we sure I’m the bisexual one in this relationship?”

“Yes, considering how ready you are to have Chris’ baby! I mean you want me to just go ahead and rent you two a honeymoon suite?!”

“Oh my god!” Jess half-screamed, “So you are having Chris’ baby?! I think I’m gonna puke. Honey, hold my hair back if I do.”

“Seriously, Beth?” Sam sighed feeling exhausted, “I grew up with Chris, same as you. He’s like my brother.”

“Yes right!” Beth sounded equally as exhausted, “And somehow brothers are not weird to you!”

Emily looked like her face might fall off. “Wait, you asked Josh too?!”

“The baby would be related to Beth!” Sam felt her face heating up. She was tired of defending this. She’d momentarily considered Josh and was keeping him on the table as a backup to the point system. “And he is the only one who freely offered.”

“He’s my brother!”

“I’m sorry,” Jess said sounding calm all of a sudden, “Did I stumble onto a bad reality show?”

“Guys!” Emily called their attention, “You could not have picked a worse batch of guys for this. I mean have you met our friends? There’s a reason the four of us ended up paired off with one another. We were clearly the best options here. Hannah was lucky enough she got the best of the worst.”

“Yeah!” Jess agreed. “Any kid of Josh’s will be in juvey before they even make it to first grade!”

At that Emily laughed a little and Sam noticed Jess giggle after as if her own words just hit her. Emily turned to her wife, “You think that’s bad. Mike’s kid will have such a big head Sam might not be able to give birth.”

Sam heard Beth snicker too right after Jess did.

“Not only that,” Jess replied, giggling, “His first word will probably be ‘me’ and then he’ll never stop saying it!”

“What about Matt?” Emily said starting to actually laugh, “Sweet as a sugar and with about the same amount of brain cells.”

“He’ll be pretty at least. Beth is right about that one.”

“Ah yes, pretty and dumb, the two traits that will get you everywhere in the world. What a son to be proud of.”

Beth did not laugh at that one. Jess and Emily didn’t seem to notice as they continued to laugh together over their criticisms and judgements.

“Okay, okay,” Jess managed to get out, “You have to agree though Chris is by far the worst choice. Uncoordinated, unhealthy, pretentious, overweight and with the social skills of a rock.”

“I don’t know,” Emily laughed, “I’ve seen some pretty interesting rocks.”

Sam smacked her hands hard onto the table but not loud enough to stop them. Beth leaned toward them and took Sam’s hand as she did. She was trying to keep the smile off her face. She cleared her throat a second time. Jess and Emily calmed down enough to look over at her. Beth squeezed her hand.

“Guys, I think that’s enough of this for now.”

“Oh my god,” Emily suddenly gasped, “Sam and Chris would have the whitest kid in history. He’d have to wear sunblock inside or they’d have to take out all the windows.”

“And he’ll only eat white bread sandwiches with white cheese and mayo,” Jess laughed, “And a glass of milk on the side!”

“Yeah, I mean anything else would burn his mouth!” Emily agreed, “It’s just got too much flavor!”

Sam felt her face go red. She was starting to feel really, really silly. She couldn’t look at her guests.

Suddenly Beth got to her feet and slammed her hands on the table as well, “That’s enough! We understand you two don’t get it but this is important to me and even more important to Sam so either stop or get out of our house!”

Emily and Jess sat up straight in their seats. Emily cleared her throat here and there for a minute and Jess took a few deep breaths as she did. They looked at each other as if confirming something then looked at the other couple with softer faces.

“We’re sorry,” Jess said and Emily nodded along, “This is important to you and we should respect that. So we’re sorry. Especially to you, Sam.”

“It’s alright.” She could still see smiles hiding under their lips however. They really didn’t get it. “But maybe it’s time for you to go anyway.”

“It is getting a little late,” Emily agreed even though they all knew that’s not why they were leaving, “And we have a long drive.”

“Uh yeah,” Jess piped up as the two of them stood, “But we’ll see you guys for lunch again soon.”

Sam nodded as Beth walked them out to the door. She leaned her elbows on the table, putting her head in her hands. She wanted to have this baby with someone she trusted but everyone seemed to think it was stupid. Maybe she was being an overly sensitive child about it. Did she have the right to be this picky? If she really wanted to have a baby then she would suck up and deal with whatever she had, right?

Suddenly their ‘baby donor’ notebook fell onto the table in front of her. Beth had come back into the room. She next to her and she opened the book. Without saying a word Beth wrote down _‘is one of a kind’_ on Chris’ page. Sam smiled. Then also without a word, she leaned in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Know what's awesome? Accidentally deleting a chapter you just posted! Sorry guys, I'm going through a lot right now.


	5. Jack and Jill

“Wow that last performance was amazing,” Ashley gushed from the passenger seat of Chris’ truck, “Wasn’t it great?”

“Yeah,” he said trying to keep his eyes on the road and not look at her, fighting against sounding embarrassed “It was an impressive show.”

“I know!” Ashley fell back in her seat with a big smile. “Man, what an experience that was, huh?”

He breathed out hard, “It was something.”

She looked at him again and her face shifted to an expression he didn't completely understand. She leaned towards him with a smirk. She pushed her hair behind her ear, “So what was your favorite part?”

Chris racked his brain trying to recall the stage show he’d seen maybe half an hour ago. It had been hard to pay attention, mostly because he’d both wanted and not wanted to watch the many, many people, most of which were women, performing while wearing very, very little clothing. He should let Josh and Mike know there were apparently places where taking off all your clothes and dancing for a crowd was considered art and not stripping.

“The- lighting and music was really well done,” he answered trying to grasp at what else he could say that sounded like he’d taken something away from the show besides ‘wow those naked people sure are flexible.’

“Uh huh and what did you think about the spider web one?” she asked biting her lip and squinting her one eye at him with her nose twitching slightly. She was so cute. It was hard to be too upset with the awkward locale of their date when Ashley was sitting there being adorable. It was almost impossible to believe she made his heart beat just as fast as she did when he fell for her at fifteen.

“I’m shocked she didn’t fall and break her arm.”

“Is that all?” She leaned back and raised her eyebrows a few times.

“Sorry I’m not full of more insightful commentary, I wasn’t aware there was going to be an essay portion of the evening.”

“You weren’t paying attention to the show at all, were you?”

“I payed attention to the show.”

“Really? Cause you got pretty interested in the side of my head a few times.”

“Maybe I just like looking at you.” He glanced at her. Honestly he did like the way her eyes lit up and her face shined when she was particularly taken by a performance. She didn’t seem to buy that though.

So bringing his gaze back ahead he said, “It feels rude to stare at someone prancing around basically naked, okay?”

“They’re performers. They want you to watch them prancing around basically naked. They’re invested in their show.”

“Well, maybe they should invest in some costumes next time.”

“The people who did their acts nude or mostly nude chose to,” Ashley argued with passion, “It’s both an expression of vulnerability and pride.”

He smiled. “I feel like those things can be expressed with clothes on.”

“You are such a prude.”

“Hey!” he said though there was no malice behind it.

“What? You are!” she half-laughed, “If you can’t see a naked body without thinking about sex then you’re blind to the beauty of the human form.”

“Pretty sure if I can’t see a naked body without thinking about sex that makes me a pervert not a prude.”

“You said it.”

Chris rolled his eyes, “How about next time we go to dinner? It might be nice to spend the night somewhere I could take my mother.”

“You could take your mother to artistic burlesque show.”

“I could. I’d really rather not.”

“Why not?” Ashley shrugged, “Your mom is cool.”

“You only say that cause she likes you so much.”

“She only likes me so much because you like me so much.”

“What makes you think I like you ‘so much,’ huh?”

“I got the idea you might when you bought us tickets to a show I was dying to see the day they went on sale.” Ashley’s voice was very quiet and hard to read. He could hear the blushing in her gentle tone. “Which by the way, thank you again for this. I really did have a lot of fun. It was- Just- Thanks, Chris.”

“Well you were really excited about seeing it so I wanted to take you.” Chris cleared his throat roughly after he said it and stared at the road. There was no way he could prevent his own blushing after that. He had been scared she’d think this was too much too soon but she had loved it. He was better at this whole romancing thing than he thought he was.

He noticed the nearest road sign and realized they were getting close to her street. He was suddenly filled with dread. He couldn’t put his finger on why but he wasn’t certain whether he wanted to get to her place faster or if he wished he weren’t taking her there at all. Although it wasn’t like it mattered that much. He couldn’t drive her around indefinitely while he figured it out.

“So how has staying with your sister been?” Way to ask the lamest thing you could have, doofus. Maybe he wasn't that great at the romancing thing.

“Eh it's better than staying with my dad would have been.” She shrugged. “Especially since he sold the house.”

“Yeah, your dad is…” Absolutely terrifying and it's the nicest favor the gods granted Chris that he was well liked by the man, “Intense. At times.”

She giggled a bit awkwardly and he saw her start playing with her fingers, “Actually dad’s paying part of my share of the rent for now. One of Nat’s roommates moved in with his boyfriend and one of the other two moved into his room. So they gave me the little room and I’m officially living there.”

“Oh, great.”

“Yep. It came with everything I need too.”

“So a bed and a bookshelf?”

“And a dresser,” she laughed, “I even have my own door. It closes and locks and everything.”

“Sounds impressive.”

He pulled over by her place and brought his attention to her undoing her seat belt. Rather than getting out though, she slid along the seat until she was right next to him. He felt paralyzed as she leaned up to press her mouth to his. They hadn't kissed much while they were out that night. Not real kissing anyway. They had shared a few chaste little pecks more appropriate for a date night. Unlike those kisses though there was meaning behind one like this. He liked how kissing her only got better every time they did it.

She pulled back smiling wide, looked away a second then asked, “Walk me?”

“If you insist.”

“Then I insist.”

Unbuckling his belt he got out and walked to her door. He grabbed her door as she opened it and finished pulling it all the way out before he held his hand out toward her. She took it with a big smile and they walked hand in hand toward the building. She swung their arms a little and leaned her head on his shoulder. There was nothing better than this.

She had to let him go to unlock the door but she didn't head inside right away after she did. Instead she turned back toward him, grabbed him and pulled him to her. She smiled up at him in the way he remembered her doing on their last ‘date.’

She practically yanked him down to her level to kiss him sliding her hand behind his head as if to hold him there. Her other hand wrapped around his lower back and she pressed herself against his chest as she deepened their kiss with a slight hum. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her against him even harder as their mouths met passionately. She hummed and moaned as she teased his lips with her own and explored his mouth with her small tongue. Her body was hot and it seemed no matter how much she pressed against him she was still not close enough. She had been kissing him a long time and he felt lightheaded. He might be losing air or just be that turned on by how… aggressive she was. She leaned them up against her door frame after she released his mouth with a sexy smile.

“Fuck, I really hope that's not just how you say ‘goodnight’ to everybody.” He said it totally breathless.

She laughed softly, indulging in her own high as well and gazing at him with a flirty smile.

“So what excuse do you want to use?” she asked teasingly. As she said it her hand played with his ear like she’d done the other night when they were making out. Her other hand slid down his back and into his back pocket.

“Uh what?” His voice was shaky.

“You know like 'do you want a drink?’ or ‘do you need to use the bathroom?’ Then there's ‘let me show you my new room’ or ‘hey, you should come in and see Nat. It’s been ages.’”

“Ash…”

“I'm not picky, you can choose whichever one you want. As long as it gets you inside.” Her back pocket hand squeezed and she gave him a suggestive look.

Chris had been so excited for this the other night and so disappointed the morning after. He wanted this. Right? No yeah, he wanted this. However he took a deep breath and backed out of her grasp as he tried to come up with something to say.

“Listen, so I’ve actually been thinking that maybe you did us a favor the other night.”

“What do you mean?” Her whole body sagged.

“I mean I’m not completely sure we should be…” He raised his eyebrows tellingly and motioned to her door with his head, “I’m not saying ‘no.’ Just thinking.”

“Oh.” She was red from a different kind of embarrassment. She probably felt as if she had just made a fool of herself. Clearly she hadn't had any doubts about this happening. He felt awful. This was his fault. Considering his eagerness last time they were together it would be silly of him to think she wouldn't be expecting to have sex with him tonight.

“I just thought-” She played with her fingers, looking self-conscious. “Nevermind. I get it. You need time. You wouldn't be the first.”

“No, it's not you-” He stopped. Was he actually about to say ‘it's not you, it's me?’

“Ashley, I want to go inside with you right now,” he said stepping back into her personal space. He braced his hands on either side of her body against the door, boxing her in. Knowing that she liked dirty talk, in a bold move he half-moaned, “Ashley, I want to be inside of you right now.”

Ashley held her breath so he felt confident she noticed (and liked) the way his eyes had slowly travelled down her body as he said it.

“But with everything going on…”

She snapped out of a her almost completely dazed state looking confused as if she had no idea what he was talking about. Horny or not she couldn't be that obtuse. It hadn’t been week yet. Had she actually forgotten?

“You know,” he said hoping to spark her memory, “The Sam and Beth thing is weighing on my mind a bit.”

“The sperm donor thing?” she asked sounding thrown off. Seriously?!

“Yes.” He said it with a strong emphasis.

“Okay, I guess that makes sense.”

He perked up a bit, “It does?”

“Yeah. I mean it's a lot to ask.”

“Yeah, it really is.” He felt relief filling his body.

“Are you worried about disappointing them if it doesn't take right away?”

He deflated almost immediately. Whatever it was he’d wanted her to say that was not it.

“It does sound like that’s probably a pretty heavy burden for you to bear.” Ashley stroked his arm soothingly “But I’m sure it’ll work out. I've got a good feeling about this. So don't worry so much.”

“You’re right.” He felt his jaw tighten with frustration, “I shouldn't worry so much about letting Beth and Sam down. Because that is definitely the part of this that’s bothering me.”

He breathed a hard breath out of his nose, “And I don’t think I should be having sex if I’m helping them out.”

What? How? How had he gotten them here again? What was he saying?

“Oh.” She looked crushed, “Yeah, I suppose you should figure out if you having sex will hurt their chances before we do it.”

“Yeah, I probably should.” He tried not to snap. What was wrong with him?

“I mean honestly I’m really, really disappointed right now.” She said it with a heavy out breath while she clawed her fingers into the front of his shirt. “Ten years is a lot of build up.”

“It is.” Her eyes were glassy and unfocused. She wanted to change his mind. He liked it.

“But I know you and I know this is important. So I understand.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure about that?” Wait. Did he want her to fight him on this? Did he want her to try seducing him? What did he want?

“I am.” She gave a firm nod.

He stepped out of her grasp (which wasn’t easy). With a sad look she reached out for the door handle, “I guess I should head inside then.”

“Guess so.”

“So goodnight.”

Chris felt himself sag a tiny bit as well, “Night.”

Ashley leaned up toward him for a kiss and as she was so little he had to meet her halfway. It only served to turn him on even more and he almost sobbed into her mouth from how disheartened he felt. She hummed as she pulled back with a look of longing on her face. She opened her door and stepped part way into her apartment.

“See you soon.”

“Yeah sure.” He turned and left.

* * *

Beth had left her office building with a stress headache from dealing with a couple in the middle of their divorce demanding to know why their children needed a lawyer of their own. No matter how many times Beth or her superiors explained they had a right for their opinions to be heard the couple continued on. Far as Beth knew it was the only thing they had agreed on since they had filed for the divorce. Even though it was illegal and unethical.

As she walked out the door she saw her brother leaning on the side of the building off to the side with a smile she knew they both made when their gears were turning. Ignoring him was something she seriously considered. However she figured if she did he would simply follow her.

“Well, hey there, stranger.”

“What do you want, Josh?” She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

“Can’t I just want to take my baby sister to lunch?”

“Come off it, Josh. I know why you’re here.”

“But do you really know, dear Elizabeth?”

When did her siblings decide they were calling her by her given name from now on? They knew she hated to be called Elizabeth. Actually no, that was probably exactly why they were doing it.

Josh walked forward and put one hand on her shoulder to slide down to her bicep and grip it firmly. “Come on, let me take you to lunch. It's on you.”

Beth shoved his hand away but despite herself she laughed. She and Josh rarely hung out since she got married. A house and a job and a marriage (and soon a baby) were hard to maintain while having much of a social life, even with your own family. Josh raised his eyebrows and while she knew it was a bad idea, she also knew Josh would not let this go.

Beth sighed, “Fine.”

“Great,” he said as he gestured ahead of him with one arm out. There were plenty of places to eat within walking distance of her job so the two set out on foot. They walked down the street and Beth shook her head. She knew exactly why he was here so why on earth did she go with him? Maybe because for better or for worse Josh was always a breath of fresh air. Besides that she had never been any good at telling her brother or sister “no.”

“Lovely day for a stroll don't you think?” Josh waved his hand out as he said it. They had been walking quietly until they reached a local sandwich place she had yet to visit. She wondered if he knew that ahead of time. Josh had a gift for knowing things he shouldn’t.

After they had ordered their lunch Beth sighed. “Listen bro, we both know why you’re here so just stop it and say what you have to say. Then maybe we can enjoy a meal together, huh?”

“Fine,” Josh said sitting at one of the outside tables and motioning for her to take the chair across from him. Suddenly this felt oddly professional which again she couldn’t help but assume Josh did on purpose. However then he winked and she remembered who he was deep down. So she took her seat.

“Okay, Matt,” he started with no more introduction then that, “Good guy, kinda slow but terribly handsome. These are just the facts.”

“Yes?” she encouraged.

“Some other facts. He’s got no spine. None. Nada. Zero. He folds faster than a card castle. Hannah isn’t letting anyone anywhere near those genes, you and Sam included. If she tells Matt to keep it in his pants, he does. Period.”

He poked the table hard to make his point. Beth’s heart sank but honestly she knew her brother was right. Hannah was not good at sharing. Even with her and Josh. Her tantrum the other day proved that.

“See me, I’m generous. You wanna borrow my boy toy? Then go on, take him,” he continued, “But as goregous as any baby your wife and my boyfriend could make is, you and I both know trusting Mike with anything is like trusting a few hungry wolverines with a fully stocked meat locker.”

Beth snorted a laugh. Only her brother would openly insult his boyfriend while making it sound so affectionate. Did he like that his boyfriend was unreliable or something? Maybe it evened out as Josh could be just as neglectful as Mike. They forgave the other far too easily too. They just had sex and moved on. The fuckboys were perfect for each other. A match forged in hellfire.

“So no Matt and no Mike.” He interrupted her thoughts as their food arrived.

She started on her sandwich as she thought over what he said. Beth didn’t want Mike that much anyway. She had set her heart on Matt a little bit. Or maybe a lot a bit. The things Josh was saying though were making sense.

“That’s two duds, Beth. Last turn up to bat,” he said it between bites of his own food. This time though he sounded somewhat sad and very sincere. “And it’s not fair to ask Chris to do it. Because he will do it. You know he will do it and that’s not fair to him or Ashley.”

“What the hell does that mean?” She didn't want Chris but she hated how judgemental Josh sounded when he said it.

“Chris has liked Ashley since we were fifteen,” he clarified, “They just started dating. It’s been maybe a couple weeks, tops. And I know that you know how hard dating has been for Ashley. Because I know Sam has told you."

Josh rubbed his hands on his face and Beth was reminded how emotional her brother could get. With a groan he continued, "And you're gonna make Ash watch Sam carry Chris' baby when you know she can't?"

She felt a block of ice form in her chest. She knew what he was getting at.

"Putting something like this on their relationship is not fair."

She sat back and crossed her arms, not feeling hungry. She hadn’t thought about it that way. She didn’t feel weird about Sam carrying someone’s baby but then Beth got to keep it, not the donor. Josh made a good point. He had made a lot of good points. Maybe she should reconsider some of her-

“Wait!” Beth suddenly snapped having seen the wide smile behind his food, “I know exactly what you’re doing! I hate it when you do this, you fucking snake in the grass!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he said putting his hands up trying to act like he was innocent.

“You’re trying to get me to let you be our donor!”

“So what if I am? You know that I’m right so what does it matter why I’m doing it? They’re going to say no.”

“They can’t! I have a contract, stupid.” Truthfully the contract had been to make sure the guys were being serious. So while it was legally binding, there was no way Beth would actually take any of them to court over it. They all just had to think she might.

“You have a lot of trust and faith in a bunch of guys who only agreed to help you after their masculinity was called into question.”

“Stop it!”

“Stop what?”

“You’re doing that thing where you pretend to be all sympathetic so people give you what you want!” She pointed at him which was less intimidating by the fact her shoving herself forward made her chest slam down on the table. She already felt it but she sat back and looked down anyway. Half of their food was now smashed into the table. The other half of it was smashed onto Beth’s chest. She still had to go back to work after this.

Trying not to laugh Josh leaned forward a little, “You okay?”

“Fine.” She said it through clenched teeth.

Josh laughed a little more then sighed, “I’m not pretending to care. I want to help make sure you and Sam to have a baby.”

Her face softened and for half a moment she honestly considered it until he tried to joke, “And if it proves I’m the best man out of our little group then hey bonus.”

Beth slammed her hands on the table and stood. “I’m going back to work because I have a job!”

“Come on,” Josh said chasing after her as she stomped away, “You know I was just Joshing ya.”

She ignored him and continued on her walk.

“Beth!” he yelled. She heard him break into a full on run. She looked back to see him rushing towards her and she took off. “Beth, come back!”

“Go away, Josh!” she yelled as she ran down the sidewalk.

“Just slow down!” he yelled. He was close. Goddamn these heels!

“Why are you following me? Go home!” She turned back to yell and she almost tripped over a lady walking her dog, “Excuse me. Sorry.”

“My car is this way, you dingbat!”

“You are not going to trick me! Not again.”

“When have I ever tricked you?”

“You tricked me into eating cat food when I was six! You tricked me into kissing Buddy Jones when I was thirteen! You tricked me into taking all of the blame for crashing the jeep when I was seventeen! You-”

“Alright, I get it!”

Through all this they continued to sprint towards her work place. She was faster than him so there was no way he was going to catch up to her even with her heels. Josh was not an much on an athlete while she was in her top physical shape! Although the yelling made breathing hard. Her office was coming into sight though. She’d make it.

“I’m just trying to help you out!”

“I don’t need your help!”

“Come on. I don’t want you to be disappointed. Let me help you!”

“No!” She ran to the door of her building and got there at the same time as many of her colleagues were returning as well. She just had to get inside. They wouldn’t let Josh passed security without her permission. She had made a grab for the door when-

“Beth!” Stupidly she turned to look along with the rest of the employees. “I’m your brother! Let me father your baby!”

All eyes turned to her as he reached the group. Josh looked up from where he was bent over and panting. His eyes went wide when he realized what he had done. He gave out a little breath of a laugh and then began to slowly walk backwards back to his car.

“Nevermind. We’ll talk later.” Too tired to sprint, Josh broke into a speed walk over to his car.

Beth stood there for a moment surrounded by the people she had to see and work with every day. She took a deep breath, gave a tense smile then went back to her desk. She thought about asking security personal to ban him from the premises then realized she wouldn’t need to. She didn’t have to worry about him showing up there again if he was dead!


	6. Hickory, Dickory, Dock

_She remembers it. She remembers being only ten in her white princess dress. She remembers walking down their garden path with a large handful of the prettiest flowers they could find. Of the ones their mom wouldn't be mad at them for picking anyway. She remembers hearing the wedding march (or really whatever love song she liked best at the moment) play through their big backyard speakers. Hannah wanted to play wedding and no one ever said “no” to Hannah. She remembers always making Chris play, which he always hated. She needed a boy to play though. One who wasn’t Josh that was. She couldn't marry herself and she couldn’t marry him. Wedding was one of her absolutely favorite games._

_Josh walks her arm in arm down the path with her in a nice jacket they’d grabbed from the closet as someone has to give her away. Their friends all wait at the center of the garden for them. She wishes Chris would pretend to look happy. He finally smiles after Beth, book in hand to marry them, elbows him. Sam laughs standing there with her own makeshift bouquet._

_She gets closer and the flowers of the garden patches rise as they curve above her head and into flowered arches. They’re spaced out enough so that chairs can be put in the gaps between them so people can see her and Josh as they walk to the wedding march playing from a loud but graceful organ. When she looks over though Josh is gone and it is her father next to her bringing her up to the altar. Above him through the arches she sees the high ceilings of a castle. Light is streaming in from stained glass windows giving the whole place an ethereal and warm glow. People stare at her in awe as she makes her way to the front and she feels beautiful._

_She turns her head to look ahead of her again. Josh, Beth and Chris are now seated in the pew closest to the altar at the front rather than standing up at it. Josh and Chris are smiling widely at her but Beth is smirking like a victorious devil and she can't place why. She turns her eyes forward and sees him smiling that perfect smile of his, close to tears. The priest is there as well but he’s the only thing that truly matters to her as she gets closer to the altar._

_Matt. The love of her life. She is marrying Matt today. She's been looking forward to this her whole entire life. She knew she'd find him some day. The perfect guy and here he was looking perfect at their perfect wedding so they can begin their perfect life together._

_Her father releases her and she makes her way to him._

_Suddenly there is a bulbous frame blocking her way. It’s so huge that the light is fading away behind it. There are loud gasps of terror from the crowd behind her. Her flowers are pulled roughly away from her by a hand hidden behind the massive bump. She strains her neck to look above it as she already hears people scurrying away._

_It’s Sam!_

_She smiles down over her huge belly that seems to be growing as the seconds continue to pass. The room goes colder as all the heat is sucked into her. Hannah stumbles away quickly in a panic, tripping over her dress and shoes as she does so. The room is getting smaller and smaller as this monstrous version of her best friend grows and grows in front of her. She swells up like a hot air balloon._

_Hannah's eyes bug out of her head as she tries to get back onto her feet, slipping on the stone in her new shoes. The ground shakes and the building rattles as Sam takes a step towards her and then another and then another. She is going to bring the entire castle down around them. She is only barely able to stand through the tremors and collapsing walls. She is going to be crushed!_

_Hannah looks around for Matt. They need to get out of here and to safety. However what she finds is that Beth has imprisoned him in an animal cage. She cackles as she swings the keys in her hand. Matt reaches out for her. She reaches back for him. She has to get to him._

_She runs as fast as she can and is able to grab the keys from Beth when the ground shakes particularly hard. She frees him. They latch onto each other, holding as tightly as they can as the world around them crumbles and falls to pieces. They hold onto each other as they race for the door out. Hand in hand they try to outrun the figure that threatens to crush them both into nothing but dust._

_The ground convulses again and soon all the light is blocked and the room is almost pitch black as Sam fills the space. She is growing and growing. Hannah screams as the massive bump comes toward her. The giant round Sam waddles after them getting closer and filling up more of the space than seems possible. It gets very crowded and soon there is nowhere left to go. Sam’s enormous stomach has engulfed the entire room and it is going to swallow Hannah and Matt up any second. She is right in front of them as they are pinned to the wall._

_Instead though she bursts in a bright flash of light and soon what seems like hundreds and hundreds of tiny hands reach out and latch onto Matt. Hannah holds him with all her strength to keep him by her side. He falls to the floor though and is soon being dragged back as many high-pitched voices cry out, “Daddy!”_

“Ahhhh,” Hannah shrieked at the top of her lungs, flailing her limbs around then falling out of her bed onto the carpet with an “oof.”

She was tangled up in her blankets as her pillows dropped to the floor next to her. She wrestled herself free of them. She sat up fast still sitting on the floor, looking around the room in terror. She is in her room. Inside of her own home. She let out a loud breath of relief.

“What?!” She heard Matt call and saw him sit up as well. “What's going on? What's happening? Hannah?”

She smiled up at him embarrassed. Of course it was all just a very vivid (and very terrifying) dream. He looked at her breathing heavily. His face relaxed as he saw she was okay. But before she could say anything to him the door burst open as well.

“What happened?” Josh yelled once in the room holding his baseball bat high above his head. Oh no Hannah had forgotten to lock her door, which would not be an issue… if she had clothes on. She quickly gathered her sheets around her as Josh looked down at her on the floor. He looked up at Matt, who was no more dressed then she was, sitting in her bed. He pointed the bat at him and scowled.

“You!” Josh said in a dark voice, “What did you do?!”

He didn't wait for an answer, charging full speed toward Matt with his bat already swinging. Matt tripped and stumbled out of bed as he tried to get away from him. He threw his pillows at Josh who knocked them out of the way with a hard swings. He didn’t even bother to cover himself as he ran away from her brother.

“Josh, what the hell are you doing?” Matt yelled as he ran around the room trying to throw anything he could into Josh’s path as he chased after him.

“Get back here, coward!”

“Stop, you lunatic!”

“Tell me what you did to her!”

Hannah sprang to her feet, trying her best to keep her small quilt around as much of her body as she could manage. She chased after Josh as he chased after Matt. She was faster and got to him as he cornered Matt. He’d climbed onto her armoire. Josh was making his way up there via her vanity station, still swinging his bat at him with one hand. She grabbed him and pulled him back down.

“Josh! Josh! It's okay,” she said forcing him to lower the bat, “It’s okay. It was just a bad dream. I’m fine.”

Josh looked at her then up at Matt. He relaxed and took a few steps back allowing Matt to climb down. He moved to stand behind her once he was on his feet. He could probably take her brother in strength but Josh was carrying a weapon and was a bit unhinged in the moment. No one would want to face that no matter how strong they were.

“Alright,” Josh said still glaring daggers at Matt. He pointed to his eyes then to Matt, “But I’m watching you, buddy.”

“Just go,” Hannah whined as she pushed him out of her room. She locked the door behind him with a sigh.

“I ever tell you how much I love your family?” Matt joked as he went back over to her bed and started piling the pillows back onto it. She met him there to do the same. He hoped into it as soon as they were done, opening his arms towards her as if to say ‘come here.’

“I'm sorry,” she said as she climbed into bed, “But you know how Josh is-”

“Yeah I do, sugar, I do,” he yawned a little through his words as he pulled her in close and buried his head into her hair settling them both back down into the covers. He cuddled up to her from behind and sighed a very content sigh as they got comfortable.

Snuggled together Matt asked her in a clearly still sleepy voice, “So what was your dream about?”

'Betrayal!’

“Just the wedding not going well.”

“Aww dollface,” he said laying kisses along her neck, “The wedding is gonna be awesome, I promise. You don't have to worry about all that.”

“You think?” she asked pulling his arm tighter around her.

“Yeah so long as you're there it will be perfect. At least for me.”

She smiled a bit despite herself when he said it. What a charmer he was. She tried to curl into him and relax but she couldn’t manage to. So soon she was trying to look at him over her shoulder calling, “Matt?”

“Mm-hmm,” he answered still sounded very tired.

“Why did you sign the contract?” she asked what had been bothering her for a few days now. Once she had dumped her feelings on Beth the fact that Matt had agreed fell on her again. She hadn’t known, and honestly still didn’t really quite know, what to make of it. Why would he do something like that? It made no sense.

Matt stayed quiet and she wondered if he had fallen asleep on her but then she felt him sigh a much less happy sigh against her hair.

“You know how much I hate letting people down,” he said against her neck, “And Sam and Beth are both- They’re assertive people.”

“They tricked you,” Hannah said. Just like she had suspected her sister and sister-in-law had taken advantage of his honest and loving soul. Even if Beth hadn’t been planning it from the start it was still underhanded to do. How could they be so awful?

Matt went quiet again for a long while. She shook him to make sure he was still awake and he pulled her as close as was possible. “Tricked is pretty mean word to use.”

Sweet Matt, always so forgiving. “But it’s what happened. They lured you out there without me so they could take advantage of you.”

She hit her pillow with her fist, “It’s just so cruel. You get why I’m mad, don’t you, Matty?”

“Of course I do,” he answered with a kiss on the top of her head. “It makes complete sense.”

She sighed, “I can’t believe Beth doesn’t understand how wrong this all is! She thinks she knows everything. She acts like she’s above everybody and everything! Like somehow she was granted all the knowledge in the world and no one else could possibly ever be right.”

Matt went very still and she had to shake him again to make sure he had not gone to sleep. He sighed this time as if annoyed so she resolved to stop doing that to him. She twisted in his arm to look at him but his eyes were closed and his head was turned into the pillow. If she didn’t know better she might think that he was avoiding looking at her.

“It’s okay,” she said running her hand through his hair, “You couldn’t have known what they were doing. I’ll make sure they know how wrong it was too. Don’t you worry, Matt. I’m going to make them apologize and make them make it up to you. It’s only fair.”

“Hannah,” Matt sighed encouraging her to turn back around again so he could continue spooning her. He meant quiet again after that.

“I love you, Matt.”

“I know you do.” He pressed a few kisses on the back of her head. “I love you too.”

“I’m not letting them get away with this.”

He sounded annoyed again when he asked, “Darling, can we just go to sleep?”

“Oh, yes,” she answered as they settled back into their sleeping position, “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

He didn’t answer. He just lay there silently. She smiled and listened to his breathing. Eventually she knew he’d fallen back to sleep. She sighed and closed her eyes to try and sleep as well. She felt safe with him and her nightmare faded away. There was no guy in the world like her fiancé.

He was supposed to only be hers.

* * *

Mike wasn’t sure why he still kept acting like one day he’d leave Josh and he’d leave him for good. Most of the time he caused nothing but trouble for everyone in his company. Mike’s dad certainly didn’t like Josh but his dad might dislike any man Mike chose to bring home on the basis that he was a man alone. Mike wasn’t sure if his dad was a homophobe or if Josh was an annoying enough person it made his dad look homophobic. Not like the fucker had a right to judge being on his fifth marriage to a woman much closer to Mike in age than him. Money buys a lot apparently.

Josh had run out of the room like a madman when he heard his sister scream. Mike had needed a break from Chris so he came to stay over with Josh for the night, unfortunately not knowing Matt would also be at the Washingtons. It seemed he couldn’t escape this sperm donor shit no matter where he went. He wanted a break from the insults and angry glares that still lingered in his apartment. Luckily Matt and Hannah had kept away from him and Josh for the most part.

“Hey,” Josh said hopping back into bed with him, “Did I wake you?”

It was soft and sweet.

“You sure did, asshole,” Mike answered rolling to face him. Josh managed to tuck himself under Mike’s chin. He seemed so short compared to how tall his sisters were. Truthfully Josh was of average height. Too bad all the guys in their friend circle besides him were pretty tall. It made him look tiny in comparison.

“Well you wanna have sex?” he asked up against Mike’s neck before laying a kiss there and already letting a hand trail down his chest, “I’ll bet I can tire you out. It’ll be a good time for all involved.”

“We don’t have to have sex just because we’re both awake, Josh.” He pulled his hand away from his groin and intertwined their fingers.

“But we’re so go at it!” He was running his feet along Mike’s ankles as he said it.

“Oh I know we are.” Mike leaned down to capture Josh’s mouth with his own. They were good at it too. Josh was easily the best lay Mike had ever had. Maybe that’s what kept him coming back. Sex with Josh was an experience. From the way Josh always came back to Mike, he guessed he must be something in bed himself. It might not be possible for anyone to have better sex than Mike and Josh did.

Sometimes though it felt like that was all Mike and Josh did.

“So what’s the issue, daddy?” Josh straddled him grabbing his other hand and interlocking the fingers of those hands too, “You know there’s nothing I won’t do for you.”

Josh kissed his mouth, grinding their pelvises together as he did. Then his mouth moved down to Mike’s neck and he bit down a little as he kissed and sucked on his neck. Slowly his lips moved over Mike’s collarbone then down his chest. Josh reached Mike’s abs and soon his mouth was on what he’d made clear he wanted when he got back into bed. His hands unconsciously dug into Josh’s curls.

Mike stared at the ceiling as Josh did his thing. Or rather as Josh did Mike’s thing. He tried to focus on what was happening under the covers but maybe Josh was off his game that night because he just couldn't. His mind wandered to Beth and Sam. Not in a sexy way, but rather he thought of when he saw them last. They were the kind of couple people meant when they said they always seem to know what the other was thinking. They were the kind of couple that just knew what they needed and what they wanted. Mike believed that was a rare thing. Not all couples were like that though. It was okay for a couple not to be like that. It was okay to be something else. It just had to be a good something else.

Did Mike have a good something else with Josh?

He bit his lip and sucked in his breath as Josh became more rough. He tried to lose himself in what was happening in the here and the now. This was so unlike him. Mike didn't let his mind wander at all. He lived in the moment. Thinking too much prevented you from living. Chris thought all the time and that idiot didn't live at all.

Chris had been on cloud nine the last month. Mike hadn't known why until very recently. Because of him and Ashley. It must be going great based on how happy he got every other time he looked at his phone. Mike hoped she was at least sending him nudes and he wasn’t that pathetic. Mostly likely though they just seemed to talk. And talk. And talk. And talk. Mike may not have seen them together much since he found out but if they were anything like they had been in high school there was certainly a good something else going on there.

Mike looked down from the ceiling at the lump in the bed. It was going to be hard to talk to Josh when he had Mike’s dick in his mouth.

“Hey, Josh.” Mike wasn't exactly happy about pulling Josh off him but did it nonetheless. Josh crawled up his body until they were face to face.

“What’s up, babe?” he asked placing an oddly sweet kiss on his forehead, “You need something?”

“No,” Mike answered. Had he interrupted sex before in his life? He must have at least once. “I’m just not really feeling it tonight.”

“Oh, alright.” Josh rolled off him and settled back into bed on his side facing Mike. “Do you want something to help you fall asleep? I’ve got more meds in my bathroom than a pharmacy.”

“I don't want to sleep.” Mike stayed on his back facing the ceiling.

“So then what do you want to do?”

“I don't know.” Mike turned on his side to face Josh. “Can't we just talk?”

“What about?”

“I don't know, just anything.”

“Okay,” Josh said leaning up a little, “You catch the game last night?”

“Josh!” Mike hated that there was a bit of a laugh in his voice. He was genuinely annoyed at that.

“What?” Josh shrugged, “You said anything.”

“I meant-” What did he mean? Did he want to talk about them? Oh no. No that couldn’t be it. Them was a landmine. Them was one of the biggest landmine. Besides Mike didn't feel like storming out of Josh’s house in the middle of the night, which a conversation about them would most likely lead to.

“Did you even watch the game last night?” he asked instead, knowing he was at least smiling if not smirking at him.

“I don’t know if there even was a game last night. I just know that’s what guys ask each other when they don't know what else to talk about.”

“I'm pretty sure that doesn't apply to dudes who fuck each other.”

“How dare you, Mike?” Josh scoffed looking offended, “Are you implying we aren't bros?”

“Do bros suck each other's dicks?”

“I don't know,” Josh answered with another shrug, “I can say that while I’ve given you a fair share of blowjobs, I’ve never given one to Chris or Ashley so jury’s still out if that's a bro thing."

“Would you?” Mike heard himself ask and was unsure where it came from.

“Would I what?”

“Have sex with Chris or Ashley?”

“I don’t know.” Josh wiggled his eyebrows. “Why? You wanna ask them to join us sometime? Another couple might be fun.”

“You’re enough in the sack on your own,” Mike said with a playful shove, “Let’s not get your friends involved too.”

“It’s probably for the best,” he continued with a big stretch.

“What do you mean?” Mike asked getting comfortable again.

“I mean they're my best friends, you know? There's nothing really there other than friendship and I prefer it like that.”

Mike felt cold all of a sudden. He and Josh had been friends. They had been friends for almost two years before they started having sex with each other on and off. Had Mike's friendship not meant as much to Josh as Chris and Ashley’s friendships did? He was perfectly willing to throw him aside in a way he wasn't with either of them? Did it really bother Mike that he and Josh might not be friends? Was that the difference between the two of them and all the other couples in their social group? That they weren’t friends? That is if they weren’t friends. Maybe they were.

“Oh,” Josh finally said looking away from the ceiling and at Mike. “I saw Beth today.”

“Yeah?” he asked as Josh nodded. It wasn’t the best topic but it was something to talk about.

“Yeah. She is not happy with me right now.”

Mike laughed, “Is she ever happy?”

“Not sure.” Josh smiled and rolled his eyes.

“Where’d you see her?” Mike asked trying to keep things going. It felt like he was forcing it and that was probably because he was.

“I went to her job actually. I took her to lunch. Like a good big brother.”

That’s what made Mike suspicious, “You just went to her job for no reason?”

“No, I had a reason.”

“What was it?”

“To take my sister to lunch.”

Mike swat a hand towards his head and Josh ducked away from him. Then Mike grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. Josh struggled to free himself as Mike held tight to him. Finally Josh stopped struggling and just relaxed in Mike’s arms. Mike had an idea why Josh went to talk to his sister. It was most likely about the donor situation which Mike knew Josh was still on about. If he didn’t want to talk about it though then Mike shouldn’t bring it up to him. If he didn’t want to talk about something and Josh brought it up anyway, he’d be pissed.

“Is this about the sperm donor thing?” Mike found himself asking anyway.

“Yeah it is.” Josh was almost completely still and silence stretched for a long time after. Mike wasn’t sure what more there was to say. Josh wanted to do it. Mike didn’t want either of them to do it. They both knew that so what was left to say?

“Honestly I hate it when Beth is mad at me,” Josh said out of nowhere.

“Yeah?” Mike tried to angle his head down to look at him but still only really saw the top of his head.

“Yeah,” he said shifting in Mike’s arms and Mike could see his face a little bit better, “I mean I hate it whenever Hannah is mad at me too but she almost never gets mad at me. Not actually mad anyway. Even if she does, she’ll get over it pretty quickly. Hannah and I don’t really fight.”

“Me and Beth though,” Josh kind of laughed, “We fight. It almost feels like half the time she is either mad at me or she is annoyed at me. She doesn’t always trust me. She thinks there’s no way I could actually just want to do something for her. That I just care.”

“Is that why you wanna do it?” Mike asked.

“Yes.” Josh didn’t even attempt to look back up at him. “I just want her to be happy.”

Josh took deep a few deep breaths in and Mike held him tighter.

“It’s my job, you know?” he said and he sounded like he might cry, “It’s my job to help her and Hannah. That’s what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to help her. To protect her. It’s why I’m here.”

“Mom and dad aren’t going to be okay with this. I know she hasn’t told them yet because they’re going to be so upset Beth is having a baby with Sam.” Josh sighed deep and rough. “Sometimes it feels like mom and dad think that one day Beth and I are going to wake up and be straight. Like if they just wait it out long enough we’ll grow out of it.”

“So we have to stick together. Me and her.” Josh may have started crying by that point, “We’re all we’ve got.”

Mike wrapped his arms around Josh and hugged him closer. They lay like that for a while and Mike felt like a heel. He’s not sure what he thought about all of this. He’s not sure how he felt about the fact that there really was no other motive in this for Josh. He legitimately just wanted to help Beth. That was a part of Josh he’s not sure he really knew.

“I still don’t want you to do it.” It came out as a whisper and Mike isn’t sure that Josh heard him. It seemed like he was zoned out entirely. If he could look at Josh he could figure out if he was ignoring him, zoned out or even asleep. He didn’t want to move him yet though so the two of them just lay there together.

Then like snapping out of daze Josh sat up out of Mike’s arms and smiled a shy, tiny smile at him. “I’ve never told anybody any of that before.”

“Well, you’re not a big talker to begin with,” Mike reassured. Josh looked away from him fighting a bigger smile.

“Not many people want to listen when I do.”

“I’ll listen. Always.”

Mike could not believe he had said that. Outloud. They sat there staring into each other’s eyes. Mike wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t know if there was anything to say in that moment. Things felt so raw between the two of them. The air between his body and Josh felt impassible. He didn’t want to risk reaching through that barrier to touch him.

“I’m not a bad guy, am I?” Was that his voice? If so, why did he ask that?

“No.” Josh smirked again, “You’re the absolute worse guy.”

Mike grabbed his pillow and threw it. Josh laughed as he hit him right in the face. He grabbed his own and smacked Mike back. Before Mike knew what was happening the two of them were swinging the pillows at each other like a couple of children. Soon they both had one in each hand and were going wild with their pillow fight.

“Ow, careful with the goods, babe,” Josh moaned when Mike hit him too low.

“You started this,” Mike countered knocking Josh’s pillows from his hands. Once his hands were free though, Josh simply threw his arms around Mike to tackle him to the bed. Mike smacked his head once more with the pillow he had in hand as he and Josh went down and ended up laying sideways.

Mike dropped his pillows to wrap his arms around Josh. One hand buried into his curly hair, he pulled him in for a kiss. Josh kissed him back in a way that was somehow passionate without being sexual. Mike rolled them until he was the one who had Josh pinned down. They kissed like that for some time.

Mike didn’t understand how or why but in that moment he was extremely happy to be dating Josh Washington.

* * *

"You did not!” Chris said as he and Ashley walked down the street together. His job was within walking distance of her place and since he got an hour for lunch they figured they would spend it with one another. They had gone the opposite way after he met up with her and so as he had to pass it to get back he was walking her home first. Although to be honest he probably would have done that anyway.

“I did!” She laughed as she knocked into his arm. She lay her head against his shoulder as she often did for just a moment then she gave him a look that he couldn’t quite interpret but looked positive. He reached over and grabbed her hand before she could get too far away.

“You’re telling me you’re such a stoner you dated a girl named ‘Bong Cha?’ And that was her actual legal name?”

“It’s Korean,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Korean? Why were you dating a Korean girl in Japan?” In all the time they had spent together in the last month he had hardly asked her about her time studying abroad. Though very often they were too busy with their mouths to talk much at all.

“You know there are more than just Japanese people living in Tokyo, right?” she asked. She interlaced their fingers as they continued on their walk.

“Yes, I know that.” He said it with an ‘uh duh’ tone to his voice. She gave him a cute little smirk.

“In fact the other guy I dated while I was there, Jacob, was from Brazil,” she said it almost smugly as if she felt she had proven a point.

“So you actively avoided dating anyone actually from the country you were living in?”

“I didn't avoid doing it. It just turned out that way,” she said rolling her eyes, “Why? Is that an issue?”

“I guess not. But, you know, ‘When in Rome’ and all that.”

She laughed. “One flaw in your assessment of this situation.”

“What?”

“I wasn't living in Rome. I was living in Tokyo.”

“Touché.” He gave her a smile and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Well you don't have to be concerned about any more sexy, foreign lovers anyway because the next time I leave the country I’m dragging your cute little butt with me.”

“Does my cute little butt get a choice in that?”

“Nope, I missed it way too much in Japan.” She hugged his arm for a moment, “And I guess the cute little rest of you can come along too.”

“Not sure you've noticed this but there's nothing “little” about me.”

“Oh don't worry,” she said very flirtatiously, “I’ve noticed.”

He didn't know what to say to that so he made some stupid noises for awhile as she laughed. Once they had both composed themselves she asked, “So what about you?”

“What about me?” He felt his body tense up.

“What’s your kill count?” she whispered as if it was a coveted secret.

He looked away. “Not too many.”

“What’s not too many?” she pushed trying to catch his eyeline with the look of a playful kitten on her face.

“Six,” he answered feeling heat gather on his neck, “I’ve been involved with six people since high school.”

“Other than me?” she asked hesitantly. She’d apparently been expecting a lower number.

“Yes…?” he answered then went red as realization hit him, “Wait, when you said you’ve dated three people, did that include me?”

“Yeah,” she said shortly looking at the ground.

“Oh.” His temperature must have doubled. Was it bad that he’d dated so many people? Well dated was not the best term to use. He’d only really technically dated two of those people.

Sex was another story. He still couldn't rival Mike or Josh in numbers but he hadn't been all that picky after Ashley left. That led to some behavior he wasn’t proud of. There were many regrets of his from that time. Not that he was going to tell her about him rebounding that badly when they hadn't even been dating.

“It’s fine.” Ashley waved her hand like it didn’t matter although she also didn’t look up. Okay, so bad thing.

“Really?” he asked and his voice cracked some.

“Yeah. Whatever.” She looked toward the road and she tried to make it sound light when she said. “So you’ve been with a lot more people than I have, no big deal.”

When she put it that way it did sound like this was a big deal actually. Why were they even talking about this kind of stuff? Their ex-lovers. Shouldn’t they be focused on them and their relationship? Not who they’d been with before they were together.

“It’s not that embarrassing to have only had sex with two people, Ashley. If anything I should be the embarrassed one. That's a pretty slutty number. Besides Sam and Beth have only been with each other and you know Hannah and Matt have each only been with one other person.”

“Yeah but they’re all married,” she said looking away from him. He didn’t bother to correct her about Matt and Hannah, “And it’s not- not just that. I mean it is that. But it’s also that- Dating is hard for me.”

“Well, I don't think dating you is hard,” he said holding her hand tighter, pulling her closer.

“Yeah but that’s only because we-” She cut herself off there. He hoped she was about to say, ‘because we’re close friends’ but he had a strong feeling she had meant something else.

Not knowing what else to do, he stopped and kissed her. He held her hand in his with a vice grip and almost clawed into her opposite shoulder to keep her facing him. He kissed her so hard he was pushing her back and he might have been the only thing keeping her from falling over. Her hand stayed by her side and she was totally stiff. She had not been expecting this.

Eventually she relaxed and her hand came up to grip into his shirt up by his shoulder. He pushed forward a little until she opened her mouth and hummed as their kiss deepened. She hummed too and pushed back to meet his mouth better with her own. They kissed slowly and softly and deeply until Chris was convinced Ashley knew how much he liked her.

Her eyes were still closed when he pulled away. She opened them slowly with a soft, sexy sigh. She was staring up at him with sparkling eyes. They were very close together… in the middle of the sidewalk.

He kept hold of her hand but he let go of her shoulder and he stepped away. He saw Ashley light up red and could guess he matched her as they looked around at people who did not look happy with the couple who was blocking the path to make-out. The people curving around them looked angry. One or two purposely bumped into Chris or Ashley’s back or shoulder as they walked passed them. Most other people glared as he led her off to one side.

Once they were out of the way he put his hand on her face to tilt her eyes back up to look at him. She smiled slightly and her blush went from shining red to a soft pick glow. She pushed her hair behind her ear. He leaned down to her for a soft kiss before he whispered against her mouth. “See? Easy.”

Her smile widened as a rock of guilt dropped into his stomach. It was the complete wrong time.

“Certainly easier than anything else has been for me recently. I'm still not sure how to process all of it.”

She looked confused for a second before it looked like her mind clicked. Then said with a laugh, “Right, duh. The donor thing.”

“Yeah,” he answered finally letting go of her hand, “That donor thing.”

“I’m sorry I keep forgetting,” she said. She did sound like she meant it.

“Yeah it is a pretty big thing to keep forgetting about.” He clicked his tongue after that, looking toward the street.

“I know. It’s just so weird to think about.”

“It is?” he asked bringing her eyes back to hers.

“Yeah,” she said nodding her head, “I mean they’re the first ones to do it. Like they’re having a kid. A kid! They are going to be parents. To a child. A real, living child! It’s wild.”

“Right, yeah it is pretty crazy,” he agreed. He turned away from her again. He looked at his watch unconsciously.

“Oh damn,” he said eyes still on his watch.

“You gotta go?” she asked sounding disappointed.

“Yeah,” he said surprised to find he wasn’t all that disappointed, “I have to take off. Sorry I can’t really walk you back.”

“That’s okay, next time?”

“Uh yeah, next time.” He kissed her right after but pulled back fast when he felt her hands moving to wrap around his neck. “Bye.”

Chris didn’t even look back at her once as he dashed away and off to work. He was unsure why but he felt unable to face her.


	7. Ring Around the Rosie

“Thanks so much for coming over. I missed you, Ash.” Sam returned to where Ashley was waiting in the living room with some homemade (vegan) fudge. Caffeine was going to be out of her diet for a while soon enough so she wanted to indulge a little.

“Aww me too, Sam,” Ashley said taking a piece of fudge.

“So is it weird adjusting back to American culture?” Sam asked with her own fudge in hand.

“Nah, you know riding a bike and all that,” Ashley said catching the small bit of food falling out of her mouth, “Although I did forget to tip at the coffee shop the other day. They don’t do that there.”

“Is that all?” Sam asked with a bit of a laugh.

“Well,” Ashley said looking away, seemingly embarrassed, “I spoke Japanese to a girl at the store the other day.”

“Why?” Sam covered her mouth preparing for the second hand embarrassment.

“Cause she was Asian and I just got used to it.” She covered her face with both hands. “She was probably so offended! She wasn't even Japanese!”

“Oh my God, Ashley!” Sam tried not to laugh but just couldn't help herself.

“I’ve only been back for a couple of weeks. Two months at the most. Cut me some slack!”

“Okay, okay. We’re happy to have you back too!”

“Aww thanks, Sam!” Ashley reached out to hug her and Sam hugged her back. It really was nice to have her friend home.

After they pulled away Ashley asked her, “Oh hey, where’s Beth by the way?”

“She’s out with Jess and Emily. She wants to start a garden. She thinks it will be a good hobby for us and the baby eventually. Jess is helping her get started since she used to garden with her grandmother and so Emily went to mediate. You know how those two can get.”

Ashley laughed a little with a slight nod. Sam did this on purpose however. Firstly because after the last few days of back and forth over what else but Chris v. Matt, she needed some time away from Beth. Although she also wanted some time alone with Ashley.

It was nice to sit and chat with her after all the time they spent apart. They’d only seen each other in person twice since she returned permanently from her extended study abroad in Tokyo though they had never lost touch. Sam remembered how depressed Chris was when Ashley first left and then how crushed he was after they learned she’d be gone “indefinitely.” Which was part of why Sam had been thrilled to hear during her first face to face conversation with Ashley that she’d gotten in touch with Chris already and after their far too long awaited first kiss the two were “kinda seeing each other now."

With that in mind Sam had some private things that she wanted to talk to about with Ashley. Things Beth wouldn't want to be around for. Sam knew more about Ashley’s relationships than anyone else did (besides her partner of course) as she did about Sam’s relationships (or rather relationship). So hopefully Ashley finally had something to share with her. She had been dying to get to this part of the whole Ashley finally dating Chris thing. The gossip part. The “let’s talk about the sex” part.

“So yeah we’ve still got some time to ourselves.”

“Oh alright,” Ashley said sipping her tea.

“So how are things with you,” Sam teased, playfully poking her in the knee, “and Chris?”

Sam hoped she didn’t sound too eager. She was excited for Ashley though. Her last relationship had apparently been lacking a bit in this department so Sam was hoping for good news. Although honestly Sam was curious exactly what kind of man Chris was when it came to carnal affairs.

Ashley must have read what Sam meant by that on her face because she sighed albeit with a bright smile.

“It’s been good. Really good.”

Sam barely kept herself from squealing as she asked, “So?”

“So nothing. Things have been really good.”

Sam whined while she playfully shoved her, “Don’t hold out.”

“I’m not,” she assured with a shrug, “We haven’t had sex.” 

“Wait, really?” Sam was legitimately shocked. “But it’s been like a month!”

“I know.”

“Dang, I expected that boy to be all over you.”

"Oh no, he is.” She turned an even darker red then giggled, “He can barely keep his hands to himself most of the time actually. He’s very talented with them too. And they’re really nice. Soft but firm. Warm and so _big._ ”

“You sure you're still talking about his hands?”

“I'm sure. I’ve had them on me enough to know.”

“Ooh, naughty girl.” Ashley laughed and Sam continued, “So why no sex?”

Ashley took another sip of her tea, “We just haven’t yet. He’s got a lot on his mind.”

Sam felt guilty about that. She had a guess what it was Chris had on his mind that was keeping him from sleeping with Ashley. She hadn’t known that this situation might mean Ashley being denied her more than well deserved romp in the hay with Chris. However Ashley didn’t get the chance to say anything else about it as right after that the doorbell rang.

“Excuse me,” Sam said standing up and heading for the door. She hadn't been expecting any more company that day. She wondered if Beth had forgotten her keys when she left with the other couple. 

“You!” Well it was her wife’s face on the other side of the door at least. The word left Hannah’s mouth the moment after Sam opened the door. With her finger pointed in Sam’s face, Hannah made her way into the entrance hall. She looked ready to kill. Matt had assured Sam he would talk to Hannah and either he had and it went bad or he hadn’t and Hannah found out another way and was pissed. It didn’t seem to matter. She was still on a warpath.

“Hey, Han,” Sam said. She was grumbling internally. She told Beth asking Matt was a bad idea!

“Don’t you ‘Hey, Han’ me! You have got a lot of explaining to do and you better start soon or things are gonna get ugly.”

Before Sam could say anything more though frantic footsteps came from outside and soon Josh and Matt burst through the open front door both calling out, “Hannah!”

They shoved each other as they tried to get inside and to her. Matt being bigger and stronger than Josh was the first to manage it. He grabbed his fiancé around the shoulders but she pulled from out his grasp and glared. He stepped back. He held up his hands.

“Hannah, I don’t think driving all the way out here was really necessary.”

“And I don’t think Beth asking my future husband to father her future child was really necessary but here we are!”

“Hey, Sam,” Josh said once he got inside. “Sorry about- yeah” he pointed his thumb back at the door that had slammed open and smacked into her wall.

“Look, sweet-”

“Don’t you dare try that on me right now, Matthew Taylor!”

“I mean she has a point, dude,” Josh said stepping in, “You don’t really have the high ground on this one.”

“Shut up, Josh!” Matt snapped in his general direction but he stayed close to Hannah.

“No! I’m with Hannah, what are you doing offering your genes up to someone else like that?” Josh waved his hand at Matt as if he was disgusted.

“I thought we agreed we were coming here to stop Hannah.” Matt took one step toward Josh looking livid.

“Yeah from yelling at Beth or Sam,” Josh clarified with that same look and motion as Matt, “She has every right to be mad at you!”

“You agreed too!”

“I’m not engaged to Beth’s sister.” Josh got in Matt’s face.

“Shut up, Josh!” Sam bit, “Do not encourage this!”

“Ugh,” Hannah yelled again ignoring them and pointing hard at Sam again, “Explain. Now!”

“Wha-”

“This is ridiculous!” Again Sam was interrupted by noises from outside. This time it was yelling. A man by the sounds of it. Sam ducked passed everyone to see Mike and Chris making their way to her door with purpose. Mike was texting on his phone.

“I’m tired of waiting and so are you!” Mike yelled back at him. “We are going in there and making them pick.”

“You’re being a child!”

“I don’t care! I am so sick of living with this over my head. I have a life I want to get back to!”

Sam heard both Matt and Josh’s phones go off so she figured out pretty quickly that Mike had been texting them. He and Chris were also there to demand answers. They pushed their way into the entrance hall as well looking confused by all the people crowded in there. Chris looked at Mike with a weird face.

“How long ago did you plan this?”

“I didn’t plan it! I didn’t know they would already be here!”

Josh attempted to wave, “Hey babe, I didn’t know you were gonna be here.”

“Shut up, Josh!” It was Mike’s turn to scold him.

“Chris?” Ashley asked also coming into the entrance hall that was running low on room by then, “Why are you here?”

“Ashley?” Chris turned red and looked panicked. “Wha-”

“Oh my god, who cares?!” Hannah yelled once more pushing through the tight space toward Sam, “I’m still waiting so start talking!”

Matt slid between them, “Darling, take a breath. There’s no reason-”

“What the hell is going on in here?” That was Beth as the newest person to come to the door probably thrown off by seeing seven people shoved into her entry way. Emily and Jess looked equally as confused behind her. The three stood there with their arms crossed and their eyes wide.

“It’s a party, sis,” Josh called excitedly, “Come join in.”

“Shut up, Josh!” Beth this time.

Sam felt herself being pushed around as everyone tried to get closer to someone else. Elbows swung near her face while knees and feet hit her legs and ankles. She tried to head toward her wife and ended smacking heads with Ashley as she turned from Chris. She fell back against Matt who knocked into Hannah and Josh. And that was it!

“For fuck’s sakes,” Beth yelled before Sam could, “Can you all move your bitching into the living room at least?!”

Beth came forward and grabbed Sam’s hand to help her right herself as their “guests” filed out around them.

“What are you doing here?” Beth asked surveying the room as she leaned on the armchair Sam sat down in. Matt, Hannah and Mike had claimed the couch. Jess and Emily were on the love-seat. Out of places to sit Chris, Josh and Ashley sat on the floor in a row.

“Well, we were invited,” Emily said with emphasis. Beth rolled her eyes.

“Other than you!”

“I'm here to deal with you two backstabbers! I’ve got something in store for you alright,” Hannah ranted as Matt tried to hug her and calm her down which just resulted in her snapping at him some more, “Don’t dare tell me what to do!”

Beth rolled her eyes again. Before she could speak though Mike did first.

“No!” he said leaning forward. “We are sick of all this scorecard bullshit! It’s interfering with our lives!”

“Yeah!” Chris chimed in and Matt looked like were he not dealing with his rampaging fiancé he would have joined in as well.

“So we demand you pick. Right here! Right now!” Mike finished crossing his arms with a hard look.

Sam looked to her wife and met her stare. They had actually finished with their scoring not long ago. They hadn’t come to agreement however. With a sigh Sam saw Beth stand and face them looking professional. Despite them being in disagreement, she had to admit there was something hot about how her wife could take control of a room.

“Okay fine,” she said hands twisting together from nerves. “We haven't made a final decision yet but we are basically done with the scoring.”

“And?” Mike pushed waving his hand frantically for her to continue talking and Sam knew Beth was going to take joy in bringing him down a peg.

“Yeah, who has the most points?” Josh asked seeming genuine.

“Chris!” Sam said proudly unable to wait.

Matt and Mike’s dropped jawed “What?!” was almost perfectly timed with Chris yelling “Yes!” with a victorious fist pump.

He quickly followed it with, “Suck it!” directed at the guys on the couch.

Jess raised an eyebrow, “Yeah? Really? This is the guy you want to be the other half of your baby?”

“Right?!” Mike almost screamed, “Seriously?! Seriously?! What in the name of Mary mother of god is wrong with you two?!

“Yeah.” Josh laughed. “I mean you guys picked CHRIS over Matt, Mike and me? Damn, you ladies have shit taste in men… which actually that's probably why you both married a woman.”

Sam shrugged, their system had been bias from the get go but that didn't change the facts. “Well Chris has more points than you guys do.”

“Great. It's solved!” Hannah snapped. Though while she was clearly not done Beth cut in.

“But! But!” she added loudly, “Chris also has more points on his cons list than either of the other guys do.”

“Oh see, that makes more sense,” Jess said afterward nodding to Emily.

“Which!” Beth continued, “Means he cancels himself out. He is as equally good as he is bad.”

“Hey guys, you all know I’m sitting here, right?” Chris pointed at himself.

“How’s it feel, asshole?” Mike laughed loudly.

“Meanwhile,” Beth continued ignoring them, “Matt has a few less pros true but he also has a lot less cons than either other guy which clearly means he is the actual best choice.”

Sam made a face and hopped up. She was tired of Beth doing this! She had been doing it since they ran out of stuff to compare two days ago!

“Stop cheating!” she yelled, “Stop making up rules! You are just trying to make it so Matt wins when Chris won fair and square!”

“Chris “won” cause you tricked me into giving him so many pity points!”

“All the pros were things we agreed on!”

“Yeah and so were the cons which Matt has way less of.”

Ashley cleared her throat, “Guys, I think that-”

Sam cut her off. Stomping her foot, she finally just admit, “I want Chris!”

“Well, I want Matt!” Beth yelled back.

“You can't have Matt!”

“Hannah-” Matt started.

“No! Matt is not doing this and that's final.”

“Which is fine,” Sam agreed, “Because we’re asking Chris!”

“No, we aren't!”

“He got the most points!”

“I don't fucking care!”

“You know,” Sam heard Chris say to Josh, “I’ve always imagined two girls fighting over me would be sexier.”

Sam only barely noticed as she stared down her wife. Beth crossed her arms and so did she. It seemed that no one (other than Hannah who Matt was still trying to calm down) was brave enough to say anything and risk interrupting the “debate” the two were in the middle of.

“Our scorecards,” Sam said half-talking through her teeth, “Say that CHRIS has better qualities than Matt does!”

“Excuse me!” That was not Beth but Hannah. 

“Did you just say Chris has better qualities than Matt?!” Hannah looked ready to kill, “How dare you say my man, my Matt, is worse than any man, let alone Chris!”

“Still sitting here.” Chris waved his hands into the air.

Sam looked over at Beth who looked just as confused as everyone else in the room did. They all stayed motionless staring at Hannah as if waiting for… something to happen though who knows what. Finally Josh leaned towards her.

“Sis, are you okay?”

“No!” she yelled at him before turning back to them, “First you two have the nerve to ask my fiancé to father your child and now you are standing here in front of me actually saying you would rather have someone else!?”

“I’m confused,” Sam spoke up taking one step toward her, “I thought you didn’t want Matt to do it…?”

“I don’t! But he’s not doing it because I say so not because he somehow doesn’t meet your standards! Which is bullshit!”

Beth looked lost for what to say so Sam continued, “I don’t know what you want us to say, Han. Chris is a better candidate. Matt has less points.”

“That’s not possible! You must have done your scoring wrong!”

“That would also explain how I didn’t even break second,” Mike complained with a scowl.

“You must have missed something.”

“Like what?!” Beth was upset that she was mad even if she was defending Beth’s side.

“I don’t know!” she continued, “But I mean, look at him! Don’t you see how handsome he is?”

“Oh my god!” Sam moaned falling into the chair again, “Yes! Matt is the most handsome man in the whole fucking world. Can we all just agree on it and move on?!”

“Guys, I really-” Ashley added.

“Well then,” Emily interrupted much more calmly, “Did you remember to put down that Matt got a free ride to college from a football scholarship?”

“Of course we did,” Beth scoffed, “Which ‘ _has a good sense of humor_ ’ should not beat out!”

“No but a degree from MIT might!” Sam snapped.

“I went to an Ivy League school! Did that not matter?!” Mike added.

“Oh right,” Sam answered, she’d forgotten, “You went to Duke.”

“You didn’t even write it down?!”

“Did you remember Chris can die just from eating?” Jess added, “That feels like it should important.”

“I have two food allergies. Two!” Chris screamed that right at Jess.

“Sam wouldn’t let me put them both on the list!”

“You only need to write allergies! They don’t count as their own points! Especially if they aren't even deadly.”

“Thank you!” Chris said waving a hand at Sam.

“Uh guys,” Ashley said trying to be heard, “I have something to-”

“Well then,” Hannah asserted, “Look at his physique! You couldn’t find a healthier man if you tried!”

Beth pointed hard at her sister while looking at Sam as if to say, ‘See?’

“Forget it, Han,” Sam sighed, “We thought of everything.”

“Everything?” Josh asked.

“Everything.”

“So then you’ve considered just how high of a chance they have of getting you pregnant?” Josh added with an eyebrow wiggle as if he was indicating something inappropriate.

“What?” Pretty much everyone asked at the same time.

“What do you mean?” Chris asked, “That we should go to a fertility clinic?”

Actually that was a good point. Sam had figured they would do that after they had picked someone but there was no real harm in doing it beforehand. It was actually a good solution to their dilemma. She was about to thank Josh for pointing that out when he ruined it.

“No, you know, how big your dicks are.” Josh shrugged when he said it.

“What?!” Beth yelled before really anyone else could react. “What the fuck does that have to do with anything?!”

“Duh, Beth,” Josh said giving her a look like she was dumb, “People with big dicks have a better chance of getting someone pregnant. It’s science.”

“No it’s not!” Chris groaned. Jess started nodding though.

“Wait, wait I think he’s right!” she said pointing at him and bouncing a little in her seat, “Yeah I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere.”

“That doesn’t make it true, Jess.” Emily rolled her eyes when she said it. Sam was about to thank her for debunking that for them when again someone opened their stupid mouth first.

“Well if it is true.” It was Mike. He said it leaning back with a smirk, “That would make me the best choice here.”

Both Emily and Josh snickered. Mike shot them each a glare afterward.

“Oh, you were serious?” Emily asked trying to hide her smile.

Mike scoffed, “Like you’d even remember.”

“Oh I remember,” Emily replied pushing her hands together to indicate small to which Jess and Ashley laughed. Sam saw Beth hold in a laugh as well.

“Yeah sorry, babe,” Josh shrugged “But think you’re out.”

“Well so are you, tiny!” Mike bit back.

Josh simply shrugged, “Yeah but I know what I’m doing with it.”

“He really does,” Jess confirmed.

“Jess! Uck! Ew!” Hannah said with a shiver like she was disgusted then added with a smirk of her own, “Anyway if that’s our new criteria Matt definitely wins!”

“Hannah,” Matt moaned turning red. Though his face looked a little proud and flattered by what she had said.

“Really?” Jess said leaning forward. Sam rolled her eyes. Yes, really. She’d heard that enough times from Hannah to know.

“I wouldn’t bet on it, sis,” Josh countered her though looking at Matt. Then tauntingly said, “Cause Chris is packing.”

“Why do you know that?” Mike said with a hint of jealousy.

“How do you know that?!” Chris half-yelled with wide, terrified eyes.

“Wait, so it’s true?!” Ashley said turning to Chris, suddenly very invested in the conversation.

“Maybe,” he answered cautiously, leaning away. She looked like delighted.

“No!” Hannah yelled. Did she know any other words? “No, I refuse, refuse, to accept this! There is no way Chris is better than Matt at anything but especially in anything having to do with sex.”

“Honey, I’m flattered but-”

“It’s not possible!” she continued ignoring him completely, “I’m telling you that it is not possible.”

“Look I trust your judgment, Han,” Josh said, clearly mostly just trying to show up Matt in any way he could, “All I’m saying is Chris could definitely give him a run for his money.”

“Tell me how you know what my dick looks like, Josh!” Chris yelled looking somewhere between angry and mortified.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“No. No. I am very much worried about it!”

“Matt is the best at everything! And I mean everything!”

“Hannah dear, this really doesn’t matter.”

“No way, sis, I’m telling you Chris has got him beat on this one.”

Ashley met eyes with Josh. She raised her eyebrows and he nodded back with a wink and thumbs up. She nodded in approval after with a satisfied look on her face.

Chris glared at one then the other before facing Josh. “Stop defending me on this!”

“We are not picking which of you will be our sperm donor based on the size of your penises!” Beth yelled. Sam couldn’t believe that needed to be said!

“Enough of this!” Mike cut in, seeming angry by then, “No one else has seen either dick so it’s Hannah and Matt’s word against Chris and Josh’s word.”

“I’m not arguing.” “Please don’t associate me with this.” Matt and Chris said at about the same time.

“So unless both of them are willing to show us what they've got this debate is over.” Mike finished as if he had the last word.

“I’m okay with that,” Ashley said after a moment.

“Me too, stand up and drop ‘em,” Jess added. Emily looked between them.

Pointing at Jess she said, “Okay I get you wanting to see Matt’s dick,” then pointing to Ashley said, “And you wanting to see Chris’ dick. What I don’t get,” she continued still pointing at Ashley, “Is you wanting to see Matt's dick,” then pointing at Jess finished with, “And you wanting to see Chris’ dick.”

The two women looked at each other then Jess nodded as Ashley answered, “Necessary sacrifice.”

“No one is looking at anyone’s dick in my house!” Beth said firmly.

“We don’t have to!” Hannah said standing up, “I have pictures!”

“Really?” Jess said excitedly as she rushed over to lean on the couch arm by Hannah’s side.

“Hannah!” Matt tried to grab her phone from her hands as she scrolled through her photos.

Josh glared hard at Matt, “Why the fuck does my sister have pictures of your dick on her phone?!”

“Seriously?” Emily asked, “Josh, you have more sex than anyone else I know, how do you not know the answer to that?”

“Oh he knows,” Chris said with a smirk, “He just doesn’t like the it.”

“Fuck you man, all I did was make you look good!”

“No, all you did was embarrass me!” Chris turned to look over his shoulder at Ashley, “Stop looking at me like that! There are people here!”

Ashley snapped out of a daze, “What? Oh, sorry.”

“Come on, Han. We wanna see!” Jess asked leaning very close to her.

“Hannah, please stop!” Matt tried again to grab at her hands.

Hannah moved out of the way and Jess followed her, “Be quiet Matt, this is a point of pride!”

“I really don't want you to share those pictures.”

“This is not about you!”

“It’s my penis!” Matt cried out in disbelief.

Jess bounced next to Hannah and Emily came to stand behind her also looking to the phone. Mike rolled his eyes while he held back Josh as he stared daggers at Matt. Matt made a nasty face back at him as he tried to get Hannah’s phone from her. Chris was trying to subtly put a little distance between himself and Ashley as she watched their friends and he was burning so red that it looked as if he had severe sunburn.

Sam turned to Beth to see her holding back a smile watching their friends make idiots out of themselves. She turned to look at Sam and her face fell. Sam stood up and took a deep breath.

“ **STOP IT**!” she yelled.

All at once they went quiet turning to look at her. Beth reached out to touch her but Sam smacked her hand away. She glared at each one in turn feeling her tears building behind her eyes. She had nothing else to say.

“Sam,” she heard Beth call as she ran out of the room, up the stairs and towards her bedroom.

* * *

They all at least had the decency to apologize as they left, even Hannah had said ‘sorry’ after some nudging from Matt. She figured there would be more to deal with there a little later. Then and there though, all Beth cared about was Sam.

She’d found the display in their living room amusing and baffling. It had gone so off the rails. She had no clue what to make of it. She had just stood there in shock and bewilderment as their figurative dick measuring contest turned into a literal one, she had not noticed how upset Sam had been getting. Frankly she hadn’t known how to stop it anyway. She should have tried something more than she did though. She knew Sam much better than that. She should have been paying more attention to her and her needs. Everyone else be damned!

“Sam?” Beth called opening their bedroom door. Sam wasn’t in their bed so she stepped fully into the room. She found Sam sitting against the closet with a book in her hands. At first Beth thought it was the scorecard book but instead it was an old photo book from Sam’s childhood. She had a quilt wrapped around her as she sat there and looked through it. Her eyes were still red though she wasn't actively crying. Beth sat down with her and looked on as Sam flipped through her baby pictures. Just Her dad, her mom and her.

“I always wanted a little brother or sister,” Sam said out of nowhere

“Siblings aren’t all they’re cracked up to be,” she said with a tiny shrug, “I mean you saw mine right?”

Sam laughed at that but continued still sad, “Growing up was really lonely. Though I guess you wouldn’t get that.”

“Having siblings doesn’t mean I wasn’t ever lonely. I was lonely a lot.”

Sam looked at her for a second and then turned back to looking at her book. Beth moved and put an arm around Sam. She pulled her close to lay a kiss on her forehead. She didn’t look down at the book. Instead she watched Sam. She needed to watch Sam, know she was okay. They sat on the floor together, Sam looking at the book in her hands and Beth looking at Sam.

“I ruined everything,” Sam finally said.

“What do you mean?” Beth asked cautiously. Sam was never good at talking about these things.

“Us having a baby,” she answered closing her book and putting it down on the floor. “I ruined it.”

“You haven’t ruined anything.” Beth pulled Sam as close as she would come but she wouldn’t relax which broke Beth’s heart.

“I should have just been happy with the donors we had.”

“You’re allowed not to be comfortable carrying a stranger's baby.”

“No,” she said pulling from Beth’s grasp to curl into a ball and hold her own knees as well as duck her head down. It was like a hedgehog might do and it was cute even if she was sad. “I mean I know it's okay, but I just made things so complicated.”

“I trust him the most, Beth,” Sam said and Beth slid close again. “I want to do this with someone I trust. Someone I know cares about me and I know will care about my baby without trying to get in the way of you. I just know he would do that. He would want to help us. This is so important and so special and I don’t want to do it with just anyone. Once I knew Chris was an option I knew I didn't want to do it with anyone else and I should have just told you a that from the start.”

Sam looked like she might cry, “I want to do this with you! But I can’t! This is the one part of this I can’t do with you but I want to! I hate it!”

“I know,” Beth said pulling her into a tight hug. “I wish I could do this with you too. Trust me I do.”

“I just figured one of them would be the next best thing to you.” That was when Sam began to cry. “And I thought, I think, that out of them he’s best. But if I could do it with you I would.”

Beth pulled her in, resting her head on her shoulder. She rocked her as she cried with a gentle ‘shhh.’ It wasn't long before Sam calmed down enough to relax enough to sit up on her own. She was not one to let her emotions get out of control or anything like that.

“I made this so hard for everyone.”

Beth sighed rubbing her back. “I'm not sure that's all on you. We probably could have handled this whole thing better. I probably could have handled this whole thing better. I just know how badly you want to carry our baby. And I got a little carried away trying to get the best guy we could. I just thought if we were doing it this way we might as well pick the healthiest and best looking one. That's all I cared about when we did this whole thing so you would feel more comfortable with it. Having my brother-in-law's baby wouldn’t be comfortable at all.”

“It's okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” With their tiny smiles the two came in for a short but loving kiss. Although Beth wasn't sure what they were going to do now. Could they really still ask one of them after that shit show? They seemed to be on everyone's bad side.

Suddenly the door opened gently. Beth thought that everyone had gone home. She was about to get mad, expecting Hannah or Josh to have stuck around when she told them to go. However it was Ashley who walked through the door with a cup of tea in each her hand.

“We didn't really get the chance to hang out,” she said simply when the women looked up at her, “I feel bad all that happened and it interrupted our time together.”

Beth stayed ready to chase Ashley out if that was what Sam wanted. But she saw Sam smiling wider and reaching out for the cup Ashley had brought her. Ashley sat on the floor by their bed across from the couple and she blushed when it registered for her that Beth was there.

“I'm sorry, Beth. I didn't get a cup for you. Here, do you want mine?”

“I’m good. Thanks.” Beth waved her hand and shook her head. As long as Sam was feeling better she didn't need anything else.

“Okay then.” She took a long sip of tea along with Sam and they sat in a soft, soothing silence for a time. Finally with a shy smile Ashley leaned toward Sam as if she had a secret. Her eyes flicked to Beth as if unsure she should do something but then said anyway, “So how about that little tidbit of info Josh had to share, huh?”

Beth tensed up again but Sam laughed, “It sounded a lot more like a rather _big_ tidbit of info to me, lucky girl.”

Ashley laughed along with her.

“I’m not sure this is really the best time to be talking about all this.” Beth said with some anger lacing her words. She hated that Sam and Ashley were always so open talking about this kind of thing. However she also wasn't sure Sam could handle it.

“I hope you’ll excuse me, Beth, but I think it’s the perfect time to talk,” Ashley said raising her cup in a ‘cheers’ motion Sam returned. Beth decided to stay on guard in case anything got to Sam but chose to stay quiet from then on, even if it was not a conversation she ever wanted to be there for. Sam was enjoying Ashley’s company.

All Beth wanted was for Sam to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: By the way Josh is completely wrong. Dick size has nothing to do with fertility.


	8. Little Boy Blue

When you are in a relationship like the one Chris was in boundaries can be weird at times. In a normal relationship you don't want to let your guard down too early for fear of chasing the other person away. You want to keep up a suave and charming appearance for as long as you can. You want them to only see the best of you.

But Chris and Ashley were old friends so the rules were different, right? It was probably okay that he'd answered the door in a stained t-shirt and clearly old pajamas pants, having already taken out his contacts so was sporting his huge dorky frames at seven o’clock on a Saturday night. That definitely didn't make him look like a total loser who had no life. Not to someone like her. She already knew him and she liked him. She did laugh when she saw him though. Alright maybe it wasn't completely okay.

“Hey, you,” Chris said leaning on his door as he opened it to allow Ashley to step inside.

“Hi,” she said as she walked inside. He closed the door behind her before he joined her in his kitchen. She stood there silently for a moment as if she was waiting for something. After much too long a time she half-jumped to kiss his cheek. Feeling like an idiot he leaned down and caught her lips in a series a quick kisses before she could get too far away. Of course she had been waiting for him to kiss her 'hello.’

Her hands were braced on his face to keep him close by as she asked with a high-pitched giggle, “So do you normally cook in your PJs?”

“What?” he leaned back as her faced shifted into confusion. He remembered it right before she said it.

“We-” she cut herself off, “We’re supposed to make dinner together tonight. Don't you remember?”

He did. Last time they had talked over the phone she had ended up on some weird new-age foods website. He had told her it was “just a bunch of junk thrown together to look fancy” and she dared him do better. So he’d invited her over to cook with him. The two of them planned to make a date night out of it.

How far could “we’re old friends” cover his ass in this relationship?

“I’m sorry, Ash.”

Ashley shook her head but she looked disappointed. “No, it's fine. I mean neither of us can probably cook that well anyway.”

“I’m pretty decent actually…”

“Oh.” She sounded even more disappointed after he said that. She crossed her arms over her chest and rocked on her feet. “Well, I guess you’ll just have to show me another time.”

“Guess so.”

The conversation fell flat after that. He felt like he was sixteen again. Nervous and lost on what to say to the most attractive person he’d ever laid eyes on. No matter how much she had changed over the years (and that was actually a lot) Ashley was still way hotter than Chris really deserved. He was lucky she hadn’t left in a huff.

“But you know that my head has been in a weird place lately…” he started slowly. “With the whole-”

Her face lit up. “Ooh, I know. We can go check out that Indian place that just opened up. It’s still early and it's only… what? Like fifteen or twenty minutes from here? I can wait for you to get ready first. It's no big deal.”

“Uh I don't think I can- That's not really-” What the hell was that?! It was like she hadn’t heard him. She didn’t even acknowledge it!

“Don't worry, I'm not gonna watch you get dressed or anything.” She laughed as she said it although her eyes traveled along his body and landed in his pelvic area for an extended moment before once more meeting his eyes. She was most likely trying to confirm what she'd heard the other day. Which had actually been fairly accurate.

“I mean Josh is hanging out here tonight,” he said stepping back, “He and Mike went to get us some Chinese food. I already gave them my money so I kinda have dinner figured out.”

Ashley made no noise. She just nodded her head and played with her hair for a few seconds.

“But we could stay here, if you want to,” he continued, “I don’t mind sharing my dinner with you. I always get way too much food for just me anyway. We can eat and then hang out in my room together. Talk for a bit, maybe.”

He had heard the leading way in which he'd said it. She was trying to hide a widening smile. Her eyes glazed over, shot down to their previous target for a second before she stared up into his eyes again. Her face turned red and her body tensed. He realized the impression he had given her and looked away.

“Oh no. I didn’t mean- I wasn’t suggesting that we-” Chris swallowed. “I thought we agreed we weren’t doing that yet.”

“Yeah but I don’t think that's gonna be a problem for us anymore,” she said looking directly into his eyes and biting her lip.

“Why? Did you look it up?” Truthfully he had. There was no issue at all for Sam and Beth if he had sex. Chris could screw Ashley six ways from Sunday and it would be fine. It certainly looked like she was in favor of that idea too. God, how hard up was she? She seemed ready to jump his bones as soon as she was given the next opportunity. Which he should be thrilled about. Why was he so upset?

“How are you not mad at me?” What on earth was he doing? Was he trying to chase her away? What was wrong with him?

“What?” She looked confused as he pulled away from her yet again.

“I forgot about our date. As in completely forgot about it,” he said waving his hands out as if implying she was crazy.

“I know but it’s okay.” She looked worried. “People forget things sometimes and it’s been a pretty weird couple of weeks.”

“I barely even said ‘sorry’ to you,” he ranted on, “But here you are ready to hop right into bed with me.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Yes!”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want this relationship to be about sex!”

There it was. That’s what it was. In an instant it made sense to him even if by the look on her face it didn’t make sense to Ashley.

“I don’t understand.”

Chris tried to think of how to explain something to her when it didn't even quite make much sense to him yet, “It's just starting to feel like maybe the only thing you want out of this is sex. That your only goal here is to get me in bed as soon and as much as you can.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I’m afraid that you’re not taking this seriously. It feels like all I am to you is some teenage fantasy you want to fulfill. That you spent all this time when we were younger thinking about this, about us. So now it’s as if your entire thought process is just: ‘I’m finally gonna fuck Chris. We're gonna have sex so I can go ahead and cross that off my bucket list.’ And that’s all this is to you.”

He leaned against his counter and looked away from her for a moment to gather his thoughts, “I don't want to be that guy to you, Ash. I’ve been that guy. I don't like being that guy.”

“And I don’t want-” He sighed. “I want to have sex with you.”

“Okay…”

“But I want to do so much more than that.” He stressed. “I want to have fun with you. I am having fun. It’s just-” He rubbed his hands on his face hard to stop himself from crying, “I can’t believe you don’t care and I don’t understand why you don’t care. I thought that we- I- You don’t even want to talk about it.”

Still she looked confused. “Talk about…?”

He ranted on as if she said nothing. “You’re acting like I told you I was investing money into Sam and Beth’s start-up company and not, you know, fathering their child! How can me having a baby with someone not bother you at all?”

“Why would it bother me?” Ashley asked blushing and looking away, “We can’t even have kids together. Not like that.”

“I know,” he said also looking away, “But that’s not the point.”

“Then what is?” she asked as they brought their eyes back in contact with one another.

“I feel like you don’t care because _this_ ,” he waved his hand between the two of them, “Doesn’t matter enough for you to care. Like you don’t think this is gonna go anywhere so whoever I have kids with isn’t your problem.”

“Oh, Chris,” she said stepping closer, “I’m so sorry you feel that way. Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Telling someone you’ve been seeing for maybe a month that you’re scared they don’t want to have kids with you seems intense, don't you think?”

“That’s fair.” She kind of laughed after she said it. Then she made a noise like she was afraid to continue talking before saying, “But…”

“Why would I be here right now if all I wanted was to have sex? I knew you weren’t putting out tonight. So why would I have come over for us to make dinner together? Why would I be texting you every day? Why would I joke about taking you on my next trip? Why would I go places with you at all? And why on earth would I have left when I had you almost naked in your bed if all I wanted was to have sex with you?”

Chris had no answer to that.

She was playing with her fingers and was struggling to maintain eye contact with him, “Dating you isn’t like being with anybody I’ve been with before. You were one of my best friends in high school. You still are. And this is something I’ve wanted for a really long time and not just- What I mean is that of course I want to have sex with you but that’s not all I want out of this either.”

“I’m sorry you don’t think I feel this way but,” She moved into his personal space and had to bend back a bit to look at him, “This is the most important relationship I’ve ever been in.”

“Then how come-”

“Because you’re right, this doesn’t matter!” she said firmly, “Just not because of why you think it doesn’t.”

She put her hands on his chest.

“It wouldn’t be yours. You’d be more like their uncle than their father.” She laughed, “Their very goofy, punny uncle that just happened to share some DNA. They would be Sam and Beth’s baby. Just Sam and Beth’s baby and not yours. Not in any of the ways that are important. The kids that you raise and teach and take care of. _Those_ will be your kids and you will be their dad. This baby wouldn’t be your kid. Not really. Not even a little.”

She blushed deeply, “And I definitely see a future here.”

“You do?” he asked quietly.

“Oh yeah,” she answered with a smile before pawing her hands over his chest then onto his shoulders. She pulled him closer, “Filling out all kinds of annoying government forms together, fighting over the covers every night, trying to sneakily get rid of all the stuff the other one keeps around that we hate, splitting up chores that one of us will inevitably slack off on, forgetting anniversaries-”

“The whole standard sitcom cliché then?” he laughed before adding happily, “Which means we’re talking like two to five kids?”

“Five?” she asked leaning away a little, taken aback.

“Too many?” he asked afraid he’d upset her.

“Not enough!” she answered with a huge smile that he returned.

“You. Are. Perfect!” He wrapped his arms around her to pull her to him.

Ashley slid her arms around his neck. After a few short, sweet kisses Chris felt blood rush through his limbs. With a low moan he deepened their kiss. She squealed in surprise when he twisted around to pin her between him and his counter. She pulled away as best she could, giving him a teasing look. He responded with an impish smile and leaned in for another kiss.

The door to his apartment opened before he had the chance. The other couple made their way inside, Mike carrying their dinner as Josh chattered away. Chris pulled back. Josh paused when he saw them and smiled widely. He came over to give Ashley a big hug, even lifting her off the floor. Chris gave a nod in greeting as he watched Mike place the box on the counter.

“Well hey there, stranger,” Josh greeted setting her back down on her feet. “You here for a terribly romantic dinner and barely innocent cuddle session with your man too?”

“Something like that.” She stepped back into his space and grabbed his hand with a tiny, shy smile. He ran his tongue over teeth a few times, thinking.

“Hey Mike,” he said calling everyone’s attention, “Could you leave my food over on the top of the stove to keep warm?”

“Why?” Mike asked already taking everything out.

“Cause we’re probably gonna be pretty hungry after,” Chris answered, wrapping Ashley's arm around his shoulders to pick her up bridal style. She cried out in joy clinging to his neck as he carried to his room.

It was time to start making up for ten _very long_ years!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's hoping that your brains clicked with "Oh I get it!" and not "Where the hell did that come from?!"


	9. Little Jack Horner

Josh laughed loudly and adorably as they watched Chris consider attempting to kick open his door. He set a blushing, giggling Ashley back onto her feet so he could open it normally instead. Then he grabbed her hand and pulled her in behind him. The door slammed shut after them. Chuckling a little as well, Mike repacked their food. He turned to Josh who was sporting a huge smile.

“We’re better off eating in my room,” he said handing the box over to Josh.

“Yeah, you’re probably right about that,” Josh said wiggling his eyebrows. He took the box and head to Mike's room with it. Mike put Chris’ stuff over on the stove, grabbed some cups and a large bottle soda before going to join him.

His boyfriend sat cross-legged on his bed, his plastic fork already digging into one of the chinese food containers. Mike noticed it was one of the ones he had ordered not Josh, not that he minded. There was just something about it that made a strange kind of fluttering erupt in his chest. Josh lifted the fork above his head in order to drop his noodles into his open mouth which he'd never seen anyone else do. One hung out the side and he lick it into his mouth.

Mike grabbed another container and fork to eat as well. He sat next to Josh as he dug into his own food. They sat quietly for a while eating. Josh stuck his fork out to grab food out of Mike’s container. Mike leaned away with a smile stretching across his face. Josh managed to stab some shrimp out of Mike’s dinner which he took as an opportunity to scoop noodles from the one Josh had. Eventually the two settled back against the headboard and Mike looked at his door. He thought about what had just happened in the kitchen with Chris and Ashley. There had been something so very natural and... right about it. He turned back to Josh.

“When did we start dating?” Mike asked out of nowhere. Josh slurped up what was hanging out of his mouth with a confused look. He licked his lips clean after he swallowed and Mike fought the urge to kiss him.

“Tenth grade homecoming afterparty,” Josh answered, “Most of the school headed to your place and everybody got super drunk. I gave you a handy in your dad’s hot tub.”

“No, stupid,” he said with a joyful snort. Mike very clearly remembered the first time he’d had sex with Josh. Or well really the first time they had done something sexual together. He had a vivid memory of an intoxicated Josh sliding over to practically sit in his lap and sloppily slip his hand down into Mike’s shorts while he whispered in his ear about all the things he wished Mike would do to him. He also remembered him not being able to finish getting Mike off because Hannah, Beth, Matt and Jess decided to join them.

“I meant,” he said digging into his container but not taking out any food, “When did we stop being two dudes who fucked each other and start being a legitimate couple?”

Josh stayed quiet looking as if he was trying to think of what to say. 

“Late collage, maybe?” Mike asked trying to spark both of their memories. 

“No it was after that. I think. Yeah, it was around the times right after you graduated.”

Josh was trying to play it off like he didn’t really remember it that well. Mike could tell he was faking. Josh remembered it. Just like he’d been able to name the first time they fooled around without hesitation. He felt a blush on his face. He had never realized just how… invested Josh was in this. Thinking on it more, it was always Josh who came back to him. He and Mike would fight, break up, see other people and then Josh would show up. They’d have sex and their fight was over. They were together again. The first few times it was under the pretense of visiting Chris. Soon though it became clear Josh was coming to see Mike.

“Do you remember how it happened?” Mike continued to push the topic. How was it he didn’t know? He should know about his own relationship.

Josh bit his lip, “My parents had this dumb party to celebrate Hannah’s first acting role, actual first professional role I mean. They were insistent that Beth and I bring "appropiate" dates. Hannah of course had Matt to go with so they didn’t have to worry about her. But they hated the idea that I might come to their big, fancy, dress up party stag and that Beth would show up with Sam.”

“And so we all went as a group. You, me, Beth and Sam,” Mike laughed as he remembered it. None of them had actually introduced Mike as Beth’s date or Sam as Josh’s date. They just let everyone assume it. He’d never gone with Josh to something formal like that. Not without the whole gang hanging out the whole night all together. However Sam and Beth disappeared early on while Hannah was busy being shown off like a trophy having Matt by her side as an accessory. So the guys spent the night together, just the two of them. They'd never done anything like that before. He had tried to convince himself that he and Josh were not on a date. Although it had sure felt like a date.

“We spent the night together, alone,” Josh said, “We had never done that. Gone out together just you and me. At least to something like that.”

“We did and we hadn’t,” Mike confirmed. It had been nice so Mike took him out again. To a much less formal dinner. It had been fun. Josh was fun.

“We were still fucking other people though.”

Josh shook his head gently, “No. You were still fucking a few other people. I wasn’t.”

Mike felt a stone of guilt drop down hard from his throat to his stomach. “I didn’t know that.”

“That would be because I never told you.” Josh laughed after he said it. He had stopped eating too.

“Mike-” he said then cut off, “You stopped eventually.”

Mike stared at Josh poking at his food. Mike reached back to put his box on his nightstand. He wanted to pull Josh into a tight hug. Before he could though Josh stood up suddenly like he’d noticed something. He set his box on the nightstand right next to Mike’s box before he pulled out his phone.

“Where are you going?” Mike asked trying to ignore the light feeling taking over his chest. How had he never realized before how comfortable Josh was in his room? How freely he moved around as if he knew it as well as Mike did? It was such a weird thing to be focused on but Mike couldn’t take his eyes off of Josh as he walked through the space and over to he speakers.

Josh didn’t answer him. Instead he simply put his finger to his mouth in a “shh” gesture and waited. Although he was still unsure what Josh was doing, Mike leaned forward listening. Once neither of them was making any noise Mike heard exactly what Josh wanted him too. The asshole smirked at what must have been a partly disgusted and a partly annoyed look on Mike's face. Josh laughed like he had pulled off the greatest prank in the history of all pranks.

“Yeah, that was very funny, you jackass,” Mike said as Josh plugged his phone into the speakers and turned up the music volume to drown out the noise.

“It was only fair, babe,” he answered as he hopped back into Mike’s bed with him, “Chris has easily heard us dozens of times. Or at least me.”

“You know, no one else has ever called me that,” Mike said once they were leaning up against his headboard again.

“Called you what?”

“Babe.”

“Oh.”

Josh didn’t seem to know what he meant by that. That was okay because neither did Mike. It was true though. Mike had had a lot of lovers over the years, at least two before he got together with Josh, many between his break-ups with Josh and a couple while he was technically “exclusively” seeing Josh. None of them had ever called him, “babe” and that mattered for some reason.

Josh put his head on Mike’s shoulder. Mike felt himself sink into his bed and Josh went with him. They lay there looking at his ceiling and listening to music. It was on of the playlists they would sometimes put on while having sex. Josh had probably thought he was being funny by putting it on to cover up the sounds of another couple having sex. Mike had to smile at that. It was just such a Josh thing to do. Whatever that meant..

“Why do you care about this baby doner thing?” Josh asked him suddenly.

“What do you mean?” Mike asked instead of answering. Josh’s eyes were shut but shifted his face so his mouth was almost on Mike’s neck.

“Why do you care if I do it? Why are you acting like you want to do it?”

“Well which are you asking?”

“Whichever one you want to answer.” Josh lay one kiss on Mike’s neck, “Though I guess both really.”

“I want to be the best, I guess.” Mike said as his hand came up to rub Josh’s back. “It made me mad Chris and Matt think they are better men than me.”

He sighed, “Guess they were right though.”

“Nah,” Josh said with another neck kiss, “My sisters really do just have terrible taste in men. And Sam only picked Chris cause she’s a big, old softie. Any normal girl who knows good qualities when she sees them would have picked you.”

“You really think so?” Mike asked with more sincerity then he meant to.

“I do, yeah,” Josh said slipping down to lay across his chest. He mumbled something as he buried his face into him.

“What was that?” Mike asked moving his other hand to Josh’s hair.

Josh tilted his head just a little and in a voice Mike could only barely hear he said, “I said, I would.”

Mike’s heart stopped cold. Did- did Josh just admit that he would have kids with Mike? Did Josh just imply that he maybe wanted to have kids with Mike? That fluttering feeling came back in a rush of warmth. The idea of him and Josh and kids had never occured to Mike. Not once had Mike ever sat down and thought about his future and seen Josh in it. He had always pictured himself settling down with a girl more like Jess or Sam. Never Josh.

That, he realized, was the problem.

“I want to want that.” 

“What?” Josh leaned back to look him in the face.

“I want to want that too,” Mike said shifting so they could look at each other a lot more comfortably, “I want to believe there is something here more than us fighting and fucking and having fun. I want to believe that someday we could get married and have a few kids together. I want to want all of those things. I want to…”

They stared each other eye to eye. He was the single most annoying, most fun, most reckless, most spontaneous, most silly, most sad, most deep, most dirty, most happy, most pure, most broken and most whole person Mike would probably ever meet in his life. Something always brought Josh back to him. Something always opened Mike’s heart up to him when he did. Something held this thing, held them, together.

“I love you.”

He’d never said it. Not to anyone.

“Why?” was the response.

“I don’t know. I just do.”

“And that’s the reason you don’t want me to help Beth out?” Josh asked looking like that didn’t make sense. How could Mike explain this?

“Yes,” he answered, “No.”

“Well, which is it?” Josh asked getting off Mike to lean next to him. He didn’t go too far away though.

“I don’t know how I really feel about you helping your sister have a baby,” Mike said going through his own thoughts as he explained this to him.

“Oh okay. See, now I hear how weird it is,” Josh interrupted. Mike ruffled his hair a bit with a groan.

“I don’t know how I really feel about it or how I should feel about it,” Mike said then sighed before he continued with, “I just want you to care enough to ask me about it. To not make any big decisions like that without knowing how I feel first. I want to be involved in those things.”

“And I guess,” Mike said with giddiness in his voice, “I want to be Sam and Beth.”

“Why?” he asked again.

“I told you already.”

“I want you to tell me again.” Josh was smirking in the most innocent way possible.

Mike swallowed all the cowardice still lingering in his mouth. “I love you, Josh.”

Josh nodded then he shifted down to lay his head on back Mike’s chest. He cuddled into him the food completely forgotten about by then. Soon Mike slid down until he was comfortable in his bed. Josh stayed on him with Mike’s hands on his back and in his hair. It was silent but it was nice. Josh ran his finger along Mike’s side as he breathed in deeply and sighed.

“If we're going to be Beth and Sam then I call dibs on Sam,” he finally said.

“No way!” Mike said pulling back gently on Josh's hair to make him face him, “You’re Beth’s brother which automatically makes you Beth.” 

“But you’re grumpier than me.” Josh poked his stomach. 

“And you're the exact same Washington brand of crazy,” Mike teased back.

“I feel like the odds are not in my favor here.” Josh poked him again and this time Mike laughed, “You’re only making me Beth cause we’re related.”

“Sure am.” Mike flicked his finger against Josh’s forehead.

Rolling his eyes Josh lay back down on him “Fine but if Beth asks then we were fighting over who got to be her and not Sam. That way we avoid her anger and it looks like I won.”

“Whatever you have to tell yourself,” Mike said as he finally fully relaxed into his bed, pulling Josh up towards him to properly cuddle. Josh settled against him as they shifted the covers to climb underneath it. It was nice. No, it wasn't just nice. It was absolutely wonderful.

“Hey, Mike,” Josh whispered sounding almost sleepy.

“Yeah?”

“Is it okay if I love you too?”

That flutter of butterflies burst out from his chest, leaving a light and warm feeling all through his body.

“Yeah, it is.”


	10. Little Miss Muffet

Hannah had a few bridal magazines spread out on her bed. Though truthfully she wasn't really reading through them. She was looking at the pages Emily had dogeared for her but not comprehending any of the words. She and Jess had already gone through the wedding process (in a much more traditional way than Beth and Sam had) and were invaluable to her planning process. However her eyes remained unfocused as she looked over the extravagant floral arrangements the two women had deemed best.

“Hannah?” Matt called with a slight knock on her open door as he entered her room. She looked up quickly to watch him walk in and sit down with her on her bed. He took a glance over at the magazines with a loving smile.

“I can't believe there's still all of this stuff left to plan,” he said with a tried sigh, “I’m lucky you’re so excited about this thing because there is no way I could handle this.”

“Well I'm not handling that great either right now.” She threw the magazine she had been looking at back onto the pile with a tired and sad sigh as well. Matt shifted closer to her to grab hold of her hand.

“Listen, no matter how things turns out, we’re still getting married and that's still great.” He sounded as happy as she always felt when she thought about their upcoming wedding, about their marriage and about the happiest day of their lives.

“I still want it to be perfect.” She leaned onto his shoulder holding onto his hand. He turned their hands over a couple times, watching them twist around and then lay a kiss on her forehead.

“Is that why you came over? Just to talk about my wedding planning schedule?” she asked letting him go to sit back up and grab for the nearest magazine. She put it down and picked up another one instead. She did this a few times as he gathered his thoughts.

“No,” he said watching her, “I think we need to talk.”

“About what?” She really had no idea what she was looking for. There were so many of these damn things who knew if she would ever even find it. Couldn’t be that important if she didn’t even know what it was. Or maybe it was extremely important and not remembering it would ruin the wedding.

“Sam and Beth and the baby,” he answered quietly.

Hannah's blood burning and flaring up in her body. She had been trying to keep that mess out of her mind since Sam’s freak out. She wasn't that selfish. She could see how badly her best friend was hurting and had resolved to put her anger off for another day. If anything it seemed like Sam had been on her side this whole time but much like Matt she was bullied into agreeing to it by Beth. Although that only meant her sister was a lot sleazier than she had originally thought she was. Tricking her fiancé and her best friend into this bullshit and so she was giving Sammy a few days to calm down before she went to confront Elizabeth the traitor again.

“Why?” she snapped at him but kept her eyes from looking his way.

“Because I think you might be mad at the wrong person here.” She felt him lean away from her.

“What do you mean?” she asked as she brought her eyes back to look at him. “Beth-”

“Beth was perfectly fine with me saying ‘no.’ And Sam admitted she never thought you would be okay with this and they knew it was a long shot. Beth and Sam know you well enough to know you wouldn't go for something like this. They were just trying to play their odds.”

“But then.” He groaned and looked embarrassed. “Then Chris and Mike started on their stupid macho man bullshit. They got us into this whole ‘my DNA is better than your DNA’ thing. You know how I get when I’m pushed. I couldn’t take seeing those two go at it like I wasn’t even there, claiming to be better than me at everything. I got too proud to walk away when I know that I should have.”

He sighed, “My point is I was the one who said 'yes,’ Hannah. I didn't have to agree but I did. In fact I had already said ‘no’ to doing it and I took that 'no' back!” He shrugged. “So it's not really fair of me to let you put this all on Beth. I let her think it would be okay and that I would talk to you about it.”

He ran one hand over his face and then the other one through his hair. “But then I saw how mad you were and I couldn't do it. I couldn't own up to what I'd done. I let you be mad at Beth because I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to hurt them but even more than that I didn't want to hurt you.”

He reached for her hand again then pulled back as if afraid to touch her, “I’m sorry. This is all my fault. And now you're upset.”

Hannah was upset. She was very angry with him. Taking the other guys up on their challenge when he knew how competitive he was had been dumb. Although at the core of it all, he was just trying to help her sister and Sam. Matt did stupid things in the name of being a good person. She shouldn't have been surprised that when he was caught between helping them and not hurting her he had gone quiet. He was never good with confrontations. He might have been built like Hercules but her Matt was a lover not a fighter. (A good lover at that.)

Matt sighed heavily. “I didn't know you would take this so badly.”

“Matt,” she sighed too, trying to keep her temper under control, "How could you think that I would ever be okay with something like this?!”

“Because they are your sister and your best friend!” he defended, “I just figured you would want to help them no matter what the cost was. That once you understood the situation you would get it.”

“Of course I get it!” She was trying not to snap at him but it was too hard, “But it doesn't have to be you! There is no reason that has to be the way that we help them. I know this stuff comes with problems and that it can be a struggle and that it can be scary. Of course I want to support them and help them and I want you to be there for them too.”

“But there is a limit.” She rubbed her temples hard, “There is such a thing as going too far to help and asking you do something like that is just too much! It’s not fair!”

Matt went quiet when she slammed her fists on her bed hard. He leaned back a little as if he was going to run away. Then slowly he leaned back in and put a hand on her shoulder. He pulled her closer again and he took her hand in his hand as well, “What’s not fair? What do you mean, darling?”

Hannah felt tears in her eyes. She tried to wipe them away quickly but they just kept coming back no matter how hard she rubbed her wet eyes so she gave up. She tried to speak but only an incoherent mess came out. She swallowed hard and then took a deep breath. She counted to ten and soon she had regained her composure.

“Our whole lives Beth and I have shared everything,” she explained as calmly as she could “We’ve always gone to the same school. We shared a bedroom for almost twelve years. We have the same birthday and the same face. We have all the same friends. Hell my best friend is also her wife! People see us together and they see a pair. Not two girls but two versions of the same girl.”

“And one day.” Hannah felt herself starting to sob, “One day you and me are gonna have kids together. Kids that are ours. Just ours. A family that's mine  Just mine. Something that belongs to me! Just me and not her too. Something that is mine and I don’t have to share it. You’re supposed to be my husband and the father of my children. You’re supposed to be only mine!”

Matt pulled her to him, “I am yours. I’m always yours.”

“I know,” she said moving in to hug him back. He held her even tighter.

“It’s why I’m marrying you.” He leaned back enough to kiss her. “Because I don’t want to be anybody else but yours. If I knew how much this would hurt you then I never would have done it. And I’m not. I’m not going to do it. I don’t care how upset it makes Beth and Sam. I don’t care if they actually take me to court for everything I own. I won’t do that to you. Ever!"

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore, Matt." The new voice startled them. Though it wasn’t really a new voice. It sounded almost exactly like Hannah’s voice after all.

“Beth?” Hannah asked letting Matt go to sit up again. “How long have you been here?”

“If you’re asking if I heard you talking then the answer is yes,” Beth continued walking into the room.

Matt looked between the two of them a few times before he stood up. He made his way passed Beth and to the door. He looked back at Hannah and said, “I think it’s about time for me to go. I’ll leave you guys to talk things out.”

He left as Beth sat down in his abandoned place on Hannah’s bed. Looking about as unsure as Hannah felt right then, she picked up one of the magazines and laughed a bit looking at it. She dropped it back on the bed with a sigh before she turned to look at Hannah instead. She was trying to get the tears out of her eyes even though she knew Beth could still see them. She shook her head.

“Hannah, why didn’t you say all that from the start?”

“I thought it should be obvious,” She said crossing her arms. “Since when is it appropriate for someone to ask their sister’s fiancé to father their baby?”

“Fine,” Beth admit with an annoyed sigh, “I guess you’re right about that. Sam tried to tell me that too but I wouldn’t listen to her. It’s just that- I was so obsessed with having the best guy we could find be our sperm donor that I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was so focused on giving my kid the best genes I could think of because I just want the best for them. I want to give my baby the best that I can give.”

“When you think about it,” she laughed awkwardly, “It’s kind of a compliment, isn’t it? That I think Matt is the best guy in the world. Out of all the men out there I think that your fiancé is the best. That’s gotta mean something, right?"

“He is the best guy in the whole world.” Hannah said matter-of-factually and did not laugh along with her.

“He really is,” she agreed, “And he also has really great taste in women. You deserve him. He’ll be a good husband and someday a good dad.”

Beth grabbed Hannah’s hand, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t see how selfish I was being when I asked him to do this for me. It didn’t occur to me how badly it might hurt you. I was so stuck in my own world. I’m sorry I did that to you. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you.”

“I know you do.” Hannah sighed and tightened her hold on Beth’s hand. “And I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, Beth. I love you too.”

“I’m so sorry about all this,” she said yet again but this time she added, “I just really, really want to have a baby.”

“You will,” Hannah assured her while she pulled her into a hug. It wasn’t often that Hannah played the comforting presence in their relationship but then times like these reminded her that no matter how much of a protector she saw herself as Beth was in some ways simply wired to be Hannah’s baby sister, “And I’ll do anything else I can to help you. I’m here for you and Sammy. No matter what.”

“Thank you so much, sis,” Beth said. Hannah could hear her starting to cry. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Shh. Yes, you do. You do. You’re going to be such a wonderful mommy,” she said before pulling back enough to look directly into her twin sister's eyes, “And maybe someday your kid will have a little sister as great as mine.”

Beth yanked her back into their hug as their sad tears turned into happy ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note #1: Despite being here in the story this chapter actually takes place during the afternoon before the last two chapters chronologically. It just felt a lot more appropriate to end on Hannah and Beth rather than end on Mike and Josh so I did that instead. And I think you can see why.
> 
> Note #2: The next chapter is the last one. It's time to place your bets!


	11. Rockabye Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know one reader DID manage to figure this ending out (I know cause they asked me if they were right about it and I said yes and asked them not to spoil it). So it IS actually possible to guess this ahead of time. I encourage you to go back and try to find all the clues/hints though.

Sam and Beth thought the best thing to do would be to gather them up again to make the announcement. It felt only fair. They decided to just invite all of their friends instead of only the guys. They were laying the cards on the table for everyone to see.

Jess and Emily got there first. After a quick few hugs and a ‘hello' from each. Jess practically skipped over to the love seat dragging Emily along with her.

“Why are you here so early?” Beth asked as the four walked into the living room together.

“Are you kidding me?” Emily asked with a laugh, “There was no way we were missing out of this.”

Beth sighed trying to ignore how amusing those two found this whole thing. Luckily the doorbell rang a moment after. Beth got the door and saw Hannah and Matt on the other side. She gave her sister a giant hug, happy they had made up. She hugged Matt right after though a little gentler and quicker. After all even though Hannah wasn’t as mad at her anymore who knew how she felt about Beth relationship with Matt now. Beth brought them into the living room as well. Hannah hopped into Matt’s lap as soon as he was seated in the lone arm chair. She was feeling a little territorial.

Sam went for the door when it rang again in about five minutes. Mike, Josh, Chris and Ashley had all shown up together. Or at least they had all shown up at the same time. The guys she understood as Josh had probably already been at Mike and Chris’ place as he often was on the weekends. Ashley was a bit of a surprise though.

“You came with Chris?” Sam whispered as they went to join everyone walking a few steps behind the boys.

“I did come with Chris,” Ashley whispered back to her, giggling and blushing. A devilish smirk graced her face as she added, “Three times since last night!”

Sam returned her naughty smirk as she whispered, “Damn! Get it girl!"

Ashley giggled once again but then shushed Sam. "Not now."

"Okay but we are definitely talking about this as soon as everyone else leaves!" she said as Ashley tried to squeeze onto the couch with the three guys. She had to sit very close to Chris (almost in his lap honestly) in order to and she was very happy for the excuse to. Once they had all settled comfortably in their seats Sam joined Beth on the other side of the room so they could be right in front of everyone. They grabbed one another's hands and took a deep breath together.

“I don’t think there is any reason to pretend we don’t know why we’re here,” Beth said looking over them, “We invited you over to tell you what we plan to do about the baby.”

“Get on with it!" Jess moaned and Emily rolled her eyes pulling her back to keep her quiet.

“Right,” Sam said picking up where Beth had left off, “Well then while we appreciate everyone who offered we’ve decided…”

They were all on the edge of their seats. The moment of truth was upon them.

“To have Ashley do it.”

“Ashley!” Everyone who wasn’t Beth, Sam or Ashley said in unison.

“Yeah,” Beth confirmed with a nod and smile.

“Ooh, a twist!” Jess piped up clapping her hands.

“Okay, what?” Josh demanded looking between them and Ashley which all three were expecting. “Really?"

“Yeah,” Ashley said agreeing with the Sam and Beth, “Right before I started hrt the doctors recommended that I take advantage of a sperm bank in case I ever wanted to have kids of my own. Lots of transgender people who are transitioning do it so I figured I might as well too while I had the chance.”

“But then the older I got and the more I thought about things the more I realized that I didn’t care about it all that much. I mean." She looked at Chris and not Josh when she finished. "What does it matter if my kids are biologically mine or not. They'll still be my kids."

Chris looked away shyly, kind of smiling.

"Besides," she added turning back to the group, "All of you guys seemed so uneasy about this, so I decided I would offer.”

“And we’re taking her up on it,” Beth confirmed.

“Why?” Mike asked. They were all thinking it he just voiced it.

“Well, she’s smart,” Beth said looking over at Sam who was nodding.

“And she’s pretty,” Sam added as Beth nodded back as well before they looked at the group again.

“She’s honest and creative.”

“She’s in good health.”

“She’s not related to me!”

“Or dating anyone who is.”

“Also,” Beth added with a glare, “She’s the only other one who offered without having to sign a goddamn contract so we know she’ll do it.”

“Best of all though,” Sam finished looking at Ashley who had been a goodsend in this mess, “She is one of my best friends. I’m perfectly happy with carrying Ashley’s baby.”

“Your baby, Sam,” Ashley corrected, “Yours and Beth's baby. Not mine.”

Ashley realized soon after she had never mentioned any of this to Chris. They'd gotten… pretty distracted the night before. She turned to face him as everyone else grapplee with the news. She whispered to him, "This is okay, right?”

Chris smiled even wider as he pulled her closer with a one-armed hug to whisper back, “Yeah, it’s okay.”

“Well so long as it’s not Matt, I’m good.” Hannah said and Matt also pulled her tighter into a hug.

“Christ almighty!” Mike said looking over at Josh for confirmation he wasn’t hallucinating. Josh laughed what Mike considered the cutest laugh in the world.

“Crazy runs in my blood, babe,” Josh said grabbing his shoulders and rubbing into them in the hope that he would relax. “Better get used to it!”

Jess suddenly gasped. She turned to grab Emily by the arm, “Oh my god, honey, can you just imagine the baby with Sam’s hair and Ashley’s eyes. Do you know how pretty that would be?”

"I do," Emily responsed with a bit less enthusiasm but still excitedly, "They're gonna be gorgeous!"

“Well, we know it will be little at least. You both barely clear five feet!” Chris laughed and then stuck his tongue out at Ashley. She shoved him away playfully then pulled him back in for a soft kiss.

“Does this mean that their baby has to be a girl?” Matt asked thinking out loud. Hannah laughed.

“I’m not sure it works like that, sweetie,” she said but then her face lit up, “Ooh, imagine if it is a girl though! I have to start shopping for dresses with lots of frills. Oh, oh and sparkles too!”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Han," Emily warned and then smirked, “It might be a boy.”

“Yeah and he’ll have his cool uncle Josh around to show him the ropes.” Josh puffed up his chest.

Mike elbowed his chest and he fell back. “Lord help him then.”

It continued on like that for awhile. They asked about names they liked, continued on about what the baby might look like, if it would play sports, if it would play an instrument. They promised to give it a lot of gifts and talked about the things they wanted to teach it. Most of them claimed they were going to be the best uncle or aunt.

Beth and Sam shared a long happy look. One they shared often. The baby wasn’t even here yet, heck the baby didn’t even exist yet, but all of them loved it so much already. There are some decisions that can be made without a word being said out loud and then there are others that take everything you have inside of you to figure out. Either way Sam and Beth were having a baby. A baby that would get all the love in the world it deserved.

And that was all that really mattered.

* * *

**Epilogue**

"Josh! Hannah! Be careful!” Beth called out following after her two siblings while holding Sam by the arm. Even if she’d had her c-section almost three days ago at that point she had still just had a c-section and that was not easy. Making it to the house was going to be a little hard for her. Given the impossible choice of her wife or her offspring Beth had sucked it up and decided to let her siblings carry her children inside.

Beth and Sam had nearly fainted when the doctor said the word “Twins.” Afterwards Sam had laughed. She laughed and kept laughing for the entire day. Beth really hoped that had to due at least somewhat to the hormones. Though Sam said some variation of “See? They are your babies!” over and over again. Hannah had been overjoyed as well. However Josh, much like Sam, simply laughed for far too long.

The Washington grandparents showed up and took a short look at their grandchildren in a way that made Beth feel like they were actually unhappy there were two of them instead of one. They hadn’t been thrilled about this from the start of the pregnancy anyway. Sam's parents were still out of town. She told them the babies weren't going anywhere and not to cut their trip short and rush back. It was a such a shame the good grandparents were the two not around to see Ryder and Olivia after they were first born.

Hannah and Josh had met Beth and Sam there when Beth said the babies were coming that day. That was after she convinced them it wasn’t a prank. Of course their babies were born on April first, also commonly known as April fools' day! Once again Josh laughed his ass off.

The two of them were cooing over their respective niece and nephew as they brought them along the paved pathway. Hannah claimed Olivia, whom she was already completely infatuated with, leaving Josh to get Ryder. Not that he minded it. Josh was thrilled to finally have another boy in the family line.

“Watch out for rocks!”

“They’re fine,” Sam sighed leaning on her shoulder a little more, “They’re not going to get hurt. Have some faith, Beth.”

“Okay. Fine,” Beth answered watching Josh opening their door and whispering to Hannah. They didn’t go inside right away and instead they waited for her and Sam to reach them. They each held one of the babies out towards Sam and Beth to carry inside.

“Here ya go,” Hannah said almost shoving Olivia into Sam’s arms in her excitement as Josh passed Ryder to Beth more gently. “We figured that you guys would want to carry them into their new home.”

“Yeah. You know, let the four of you go into the house as a family for the first time,” Josh added as Hannah giggled behind her hand. Normally Josh was much more covert but Hannah couldn’t keep a secret to save her life so maybe that was what was dragging him down. They each held one of their children close to their chests as they walked inside...

“Surprise!” Sam and Beth were not surprised at all.

It wasn’t a lot. They'd blown up a couple of balloons that all said “It’s Twins!” and put up a banner for each of the babies. Apparently they had been unable to find a simple matching “Welcome home babies” or “Welcome home twins” party banner so they got a “Welcome home baby girl” banner as well as a “Welcome home baby boy” one. Or maybe they did that on purpise. They were not hung up well either. There wasn’t much else to it. They hadn’t gotten any other party decor or any food which was probably for the best as the less mess they left behind the better. Hannah and Josh rushed inside and hugged them from behind.

“Welcome home, little guys!” Matt said, hands out in presentation as if either of them knew what was going on around them. Hopefully he had not been expecting a reaction.

“Oh. Eeee!” Jess squealed rushing towards them at top speed, “Let me see! Let me see! Let me see!”

“Wait, I thought you didn’t like kids,” Chris said as he quickly came up behind her to see as well.

“I like other people’s kids,” she clarified once she had reached Beth, leaning as close as she possibly could to coo, “Aww. Hi there, sweetie. What’s your name?”

“Ryder,” Beth answered twisting towards Jess to give her a clear view.

“And this is Olivia,” Sam added doing the same thing as Beth so Chris could see.

“Wow, she’s tiny,” he said in amazement. "Her whole body is like the size of my hand.”

“They aren’t that small, stupid,” Ashley said coming up next to him. “Aww.”

“Hey, check it out though." Chris pointed with a laugh. “The boy’s a redhead.”

“He also has her big, round green eyes,” Emily added coming up next to Jess.

Beth held him up a bit more to show him off better. “And he’s got a cute little button nose and a short square face with basically no chin.”

“He’s got pretty full lips too,” Sam added.

Beth sighed, “Yeah, Ryder is basically a tiny Ashley.”

“Sorry about that, guys.” Ashley looked guilty but then Josh rolled his eyes.

“Hey, there's no way to control genetics, Ash.”

Beth added, “Besides he’s gorgeous.”

“Well that's because Ashley is gorgeous,” Chris said putting his arms around her with a kiss on the side of her head. She smiled with a dark blush.

“Olivia looks more like Sammy though! Except for her strawberry-blonde hair.” Hannah said hugging Matt. Chris and Ashley backed off so the new couple could come forward to look at the infant babies. Beth and Sam’s babies. “Look, Matty. She's got her mommy's cute heart-shaped face and long nose. She's gonna be so beautiful. She is beautiful. I love her so much! Oh, I just love them both so much.”

Hannah continued to coo over them as if she hadn’t been with them for days already. She hopped from looking at Olivia to looking at Ryder like she couldn’t decided which one she would rather fawn over.

“Hey, babe,” Josh called over to the opposite side of the room, “Get your fine ass over here and meet your damn future niblings!”

“Josh!” Sam snapped at him for cursing in front of her children.

“Ah no, no. I’m good,” Mike said holding up his hands. Josh squeezed between the group to go and grab his boy toy to drag him over.

As he did that the gang let Beth and Sam go sit on the couch with their children in their arms. After that though everyone gathered around them while trying to keep enough of a comfortable distance as they admired Olivia and Ryder. Josh finally got Mike to come over but he still stayed the furthest away at the back of the group. Jess sighed a content sigh and Emily pinched her in a warning. Jess rolled her eyes before turning back to Sam, Beth and the babies.

“They’re amazing!” Jess whispered but somehow all of them heard her.

"I can’t wait to have my own babies," Hannah gushed, "Then they can all play together!”

Matt looked panicked, “Dollface, how about we focus on getting married for now.”

Hannah sighed, “Right. Right. Marriage then kids.”

“What about you?” Ashley asked looking up at Chris, “Is seeing this giving you the baby itch?”

“Not in the slightest,” he teased back.

“Shoot,” she said jokingly as she snapped her fingers in an “oh darn” motion then laughed as he pulled her into his arms again.

“Which one is older?” Mike finally spoke up leaning a little bit closer.

“Ryder!” Josh announced proudly and Mike turned to him with a huge, loving smile, “Which is perfect  because we Washingtons make great big brothers.”

“And wonderful little sisters,” Hannah added with a wink at Beth.

“Enough talk,” Jess whined, “Are we passing these cuties around or what?”

“Ooh, ooh, I want Matt to go first. I need to a picture," Hannah exclaimed.

“Hey,” Chris argued, “Ashley should get to be first! She helped make them.”

“Uh I think I'll just -” Mike started as Josh pushed him toward the couch.

“Oh relax, it will be fine.”

Sam and Beth looked at the other’s exhausted face. Their friends were all so excited about the babies. They were all so ready and willing to give them love. From start to finish all eight of these idiots had been head over heels for Ryder and Olivia. This was just a bit too much for the new moms to handle. But at the same time they also didn’t have the heart to tell their friends that they couldn't spend time with two people they already loved this much. At least not right away.

As a compromise Sam passed Olivia over to Matt as Beth passed Ryder to Ashley. The two melted with a deep, warm affection in an instant. Jess and Chris stood nearby them eagerly waiting for their turn with the new additions to their group. Their friends were happy. Sam and Beth were happy. They just knew that Ryder and Olivia were happy too.

Because this was their family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, the twins thing was extremely cheesy to do but I did it to give Beth more of connection with her babies and because I am a sap.
> 
> Feedback is always welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> The chapter titles are nursery rhymes.


End file.
